Happy 2014, y'all! I decided to start the year off on a humorous note, so not only is my first fancast of the year an original idea of my devising--it's also a comedy! And not just ANY comedy....
We open to see Deadpool mopping the floor with a bunch of masked goons. After trouncing them, all of a sudden he's hit with knockout gas, and everything goes black. When he wakes up, he finds himself wearing a tux and sitting at a table on stage at a certain location, when all of a sudden, an announcer begins speaking...
"LIVE, FROM THE NEW YORK FRIAR'S CLUB, TONIGHT WE ROAST A MAN WHO'S CRAZIER THAN A SACK A' FERRETS, A REGENERATIN' DEGENERATE, A CRIMSON COMEDIAN":
I don't know what gave me the idea for "The Roast of Deadpool", but there's no stopping me now. I should note, among the actors I've picked, five of them have actually played Deadpool, whether in live-action or animation. I would picture this special airing on Comedy Central, but done in the style of the classic Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts, and as for who I'd want in charge of character designs/art, I would leave that to Bill Walko, creator of my favorite webcomic (which has been subject to a couple of my fancasts), "The Hero Business". (For an idea of his art style, check out his deviantart page:
http://billwalko.deviantart.com/.)
Anyway....
"TONIGHT'S STAR-STUDDED ROAST HAS BROUGHT TOGETHER FRIEND, FOE AND ACQUAINTANCE ALIKE. THEY'VE COME FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, FROM BEYOND TIME AND SPACE, TO BE HERE TONIGHT--HERE IN NEW YORK, IN PERSON, JOINING A SPECIAL ROASTMASTER TONIGHT AS THEY (DIS-)HONOR A VERY SPECIAL MERC OF THE HOUR...WADE "DEADPOOL" WILSON!"
All right, let's get down to it and meet our voice cast for this special yuk-fest! Just imagine--the thought of all these actors voicing all these characters (all in their best formal wear!), all just to take as many stabs at ol' Wade as much as he's done in his comic book life. For each character, I tried to find their most "cartoony" depictions in comics, so you might be seeing a lot of Ed McGuinness.
+Tom Kenny (imitating Ed McMahon) as the voice of the announcer
Kenny (who voiced Deadpool on Marvel Super Hero Squad Online) was my immediate pick for this role, as he's got a great announcer voice, if any of you remember his Narrator from The Powerpuff Girls.
+The Merc of the Hour
-Seth Meyers as the voice of Deadpool/Wade Wilson
Meyers is a Saturday Night Live alumni with a voice that I feel is perfect for a casual Deadpool, especially in a setting like a roast. I couldn't have picked a better actor OR comedian, I think Meyers would be hilarious when Deadpool finally gets to say his piece. (By the way, that's Deadpool as drawn by Walko.)
+Good Guys
-Steven Blum as the voice of Wolverine/J. Logan Howlett
I picture Blum's delivery as Wolverine in this special being similar to another famous Canadian--the late, great Leslie Nielsen. For me, it would sound too funny to be true.
-Patrick Warburton as the voice of Cable/Nathan Summers
Yeah, just get that image in your heads--Cable, in a suit, making jokes at Deadpool's expense, without cracking a smile. As for Warburton, I felt he would be just perfect for delivering those aforementioned jokes. Think Joe Swanson with a metal arm.
-Tricia Helfer as the voice of Domino/Neena Thurman
Helfer's been in a lot of dramatic stuff, so why not lighten her resume up a bit? (Now you see Walko's take on Domino as well--lovely, isn't it?)
-Will Friedle as the voice of Bob, Agent of HYDRA
The most recent voice of Deadpool (in an episode of "Ultimate Spider-Man"), Friedle's Ron Stoppable would be the perfect template for his take on one of Deadpool's reluctant bosom buddies. Oh, just picture him shaking in his boots as he attempts to crack wise about Wade...
-Nolan North as the voice of Weasel/Jack Hammer
Probably the most fan-favorite voice of Deadpool due to his portrayal in both "Hulk Vs. Wolverine" and the Deadpool video game, I thought he would do a pretty good take on the other famous second banana to Deadpool.
-June Foray as the voice of Blind Al
For voicing Deadpool's hostage and mother-figure, you need a legend in the voice acting community, and that's what June Foray is--from Granny and Witch Hazel in Looney Tunes to now, she's an icon of the field. She has a bit of Marvel experience under her belt as well, having voiced Aunt May on "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends". Just so some of you are kept happy, my alternative choices are Betty White and Tress MacNeille (doing her Phyllis Diller impression). In terms of the Dean Martin homage, I picture Blind Al acting as the 'Ruth Buzzi' of the guests.
-Odette Anable as the voice of Copycat/Vanessa Carlyle
I needed someone with a nice and sultry voice to fill the pipes of Deadpool's shape-changing first love, and it doesn't get any sultrier than Annable, who's played the kind of girl Copycat is before.
-Hillary Duff as the voice of Siryn/Theresa Cassidy
Duff voicing Siryn in a cartoon has been a dream of mine for a while now. I don't know why, but she'd sound interesting with an Irish accent. Even more when she's delivering jokes with an Irish accent...
-Melissa Rauch and Zooey Deschanel as the voices of Sandi Brandenburg and Outlaw/Inez Temple
Rauch adds another Big Bang Theory cast member to my fancast chopping block, and I think she'd do a great Queens accent for Sandi. As for Deschanel, having her voice Outlaw was inspired by her two-episode guest role as Mary Spuckler (one of Cletus's kids) on "The Simpsons". A girl from Queens and a cowgirl cracking wise about Deadpool and anyone else they think deserves it? Too good to pass up...
-Ryan Reynolds as the voice of Agent-X/Alex Hayden
I know I might get flak for this, but somehow I needed to sneak Baraka-pool himself into this, but at least this way, we get a taste of his REAL portrayal of a big screen Deadpool via his voicing the guy who was THOUGHT to be an amnesiac Deadpool.
+Bad Guys
-Dee Snider as the voice of T-Ray/"Wade Wilson"
I was inspired by his guest appearance as Angry Jack (owner of a snail shell emporium) in the Spongebob Squarepants episode "Shell Shocked"--that alone is what gave me the idea to use Twisted Sister's frontman as the guy who may be the real Wade Wilson. As for T-Ray's look, I picture it akin to John Travolta's in "Pulp Fiction.
-Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of Slayback/Gregory "Greg" Terraerton
I had to throw a bone to at least one aspect of the Comedy Central celebrity roasts, and Gottfried I felt had the best voice for a comical take on an old Deadpool villain. Picture him voicing Slayback; now picture Slayback in a tux; now picture him delivering jokes such as "Out of all the mercs in the business--you SLAY ME, Deadpool, JUUUSSST SLAY ME."
-John Kassir as the voice of Ajax/Francis
No way was I going to leave out the very first voice of Deadpool, mister Crypt Keeper himself! As another obscure Deadpool villain with a lack of nerve (literally), I think Kassir would fit the bill for Ajax.
-Carl Reiner as the voice of Dr. Emrys Killebrew
Carl Reiner is a comedy LEGEND, and he would absolutely kill it at a roast, even if it's an animated one. I felt he was perfect for Dr. Killebrew, the man who helped make Deadpool what he is today. My alternative choices were Reiner's former partner-in-comedy, Mel Brooks, and Fred Willard.
-Amy Poehler as the voice of Typhoid Mary/Mary Walker
Another SNL alum, I felt Poehler's range would be perfect for the multifaceted nutcase that is Typhoid Mary, especially if she could deliver jokes from all three of Mary's personalities. I also picture her dress being similar to Jennifer Lopez's infamous green gown from the '01 Oscars.
-Kathy Griffin as the voice of Titania/Mary MacPherran
During Christopher Priest's run on Deadpool, Titania (and the Constrictor) was a roommate of Deadpools, but due to a conflict with a storyline by Dan Jurgens in his Thor run, she was revealed to be copycat. With this special though, they can go with Priest's original intent. As for casting Griffin, this is a casting that I felt was perfect for a comedic take on Titania, all the more supported by two of Griffin's voice roles: Alice on "Dilbert" and Francine in an episode of The Simpsons titled "Bye Bye Nerdie".
-Michael Chiklis as the voice of the Constrictor/Frank Payne
I thought Chiklis would be a decent voice for the character, as a nod to his playing the Thing and to his playing Curly Howard in a 2000 bio-pic of the Three Stooges. Constrictor and Titania would roast Deadpool together in this sequence, since they both shared an apartment with him during Priest's run.
-Ron Perlman as the voice of the Taskmaster/Tony Masters
I cast Perlman as Taskmaster as a nod to his voicing Deadpool's DC equivalent, Deathstroke. My thinking is that in a Dean Martin Celebrity Roast homage sense, Taskmaster would be the Orson Welles of the proceedings, as would Black Swan and Mister Sinister. Within the context of the special, Taskmaster admits that, due to his inexperience with roasts, he studied the old Dean Martin specials to pick up different gestures and the like.
-Kelsey Grammer as the voice of Black Swan
For playing this erudite assassin who supposedly killed Deadpool--paving the way for Agent-X--I needed someone who plays arrogant snobs with great ease. Grammer immediately came to mind.
-Gina Bellman as the voice of Dr. Ellen Whitby
Thanks to Netflix, I've been getting into "Leverage" as of late. With casting Bellman, I just thought, to play a grifter with dreams of acting glory is one thing...To play a British psychiatrist who goes all Harley Quinn-gaga over Deadpool is a challenge.
-Michael Dorn as the voice of Mister Sinister
I felt Deadpool's final nemesis from his video game needed to be here, if only to be the third Wellesian for the roast after Taskmaster and Black Swan. Picking Dorn was inspired by one of his most well-known voiceover characters: I.M. Weasel. If he played Sinister for this special, he'd be cracking not just jokes at Wade's expense, but CLASSY jokes.
+Neutral Guys
-Lucy Liu as the voice of Death
Only in an animated roast of Deadpool could you have Lucy Liu playing the girl of his dreams, Death herself. A gag with Death would be a play on a joke from the Festivus episode of Seinfeld, where her face alternates between humanoid and skeletal depending on her angle in the lighting.
And now, the best for last....
+The Roastmaster
-Jerry Lewis as the voice of himself
From hour one, Jerry Lewis was my idea for being the roastmaster of the proceedings, not only as a nod to his old partner Dino's string of celebrity roasts, but because the guy is, like Carl Reiner, a comedy legend--dare I say it, the KING of comedy. I just hope you all might agree with the choice.
+Featuring (non-speaking) cameos by:
-Stan Lee
-Rob Liefeld
-Fabian Nicieza
-Joe Madureira
-Mark Waid
-Ian Churchill
-Joe Kelly
-Ed McGuinness
-Christopher Priest
-Gail Simone
-Daniel Way
-Brian Posehn
-Gerry Dugan
And there you have it, folks! I do apologize for the lack of actual jokes in this, but I just couldn't wrack my brain enough to come up with anything that could even generate a chuckle from the lot of you. Still, I hope you enjoyed this, and now I leave you with the sounds of Count Basie and his orchestra: