What Would Bruce Wayne’s Medical Report Look Like?

What Would Bruce Wayne’s Medical Report Look Like?

The cool people of The League of Ordinary Gentleman have compiled an extremely hilarious take on what Bruce Wayne's medical report would potentially look like. Take a gander after the jump.

Feature Opinion
By MarkJulian - Nov 15, 2011 11:11 AM EST
Filed Under: Batman
Source: The League of Ordinary Gentleman


Source: The League of Ordinary Gentleman

Patient: Wayne, Bruce

DOB: 2/16/1971

Occupation: Industrialist

Insurance: Self-pay

Emergency Contact: Dick Grayson, XXX-269-9637


Interval History: Patient was seen for his last annual physical approximately one year ago. Since that time he has had numerous visits for acute illnesses or injuries, generally accompanied either by his companion Mr. Grayson or Alfred, a senior member of his household staff. These recent maladies appear to be in keeping with the pattern that has emerged over the past several years, in which significant medical problems are associated with odd or incongruous explanations. Most recently, patient was seen for numerous areas of lower extremity cutaneous blistering, erythema and thickening, consistent with moderate to severe frostbite. Patient had reportedly gotten lost while camping in the mountains, but could not account for how he had sustained these injuries in mid-August.

Past Medical History: As stated, patient has a somewhat lengthy and complicated medical history, best summarized by system –

Orthopedic: By far the greatest contributor to patient’s ongoing morbidity are his multiple and seemingly ceaseless musculoskeletal injuries. The most significant of these was sustained several years ago, when he was rushed to GCGH with several fractures of his lumbar vertebrae, reportedly after falling while rappelling. Skeletal series obtained at that time revealed numerous (>20) areas of orthopedic injury in various states of healing, which could not be fully explained by recent fall, including areas of all extremities and many ribs; confirmatory bone scan similarly showed many areas of increased uptake. Patient’s robust stature is not consistent with osteogenesis imperfecta, and skin biopsy was negative for abnormal collagen and P3H1 or CRTAP genetic defects. Malignancy was suspected, but eventually ruled out following oncology consultation. Patient explained most of these (and most subsequent) injuries as being the result of membership in a private and apparently quite intense mixed martial arts club. Patient has denied being the victim of domestic abuse by Mr. Grayson following indirect and direct questioning on numerous occasions.

Neurologic: Patient has been evaluated numerous times over the past several years with complaints of headache, blurry vision, memory deficits, nausea and emotional lability. As with above injuries, most of these symptoms occur following some blow to the head during MMA sparring or competition, and were diagnosed as consistent with concussion. (Patient reports that the club frowns upon protective headgear, a stand with which he seemingly complies despite numerous exhortations to do otherwise.) Following the third such episode, patient was referred to neurology due to significant concern about second-impact syndrome. While no gray matter changes in the cingulate gyrus or white matter hyperintensities were noted on magnetic resonance imaging, given history and known risk factors neurology has recommended MRI to be repeated every two years, and they are arranging for diffusion tensor imaging in the near future.

Allergic: Earlier this year, patient was again rushed to GCGH for what appeared to be severe anaphylaxis, with marked angioedema of the face and hands, and widespread urticaria. After administration of high-dose IV Solu-Medrol, patient’s angioedema resolved sufficiently for him to report “tripping into a bunch of weeds” while hiking, and he eventually left the emergency department against medical advice. On outpatient follow-up, patient was referred for urgent allergy testing given the severity of his reaction. Skin-prick testing was negative for all food allergies, but was markedly and instantly positive in reaction to all plant allergens, such that a dose of IM Decadron was administered by allergist in the office. Despite was appears to be an extraordinary hypersensitivity to phytochemicals, patient has had no further symptoms following the one episode.

Psychiatric: During most visits, patient displays a somewhat somber and flat affect. Numerous inquiries into his mood yield answers that it is “just fine,” followed by requests to change the topic of questioning. While dysthymia or frank depression is suspected (particularly considering patient’s voluntary participation in flagrantly harmful recreational activities), patient seems to have avoided any major depressive episodes. More worrisome was an episode about a year and a half ago, during which patient appeared to have a psychotic break. On arrival at GCGH, patient was found to be suffering from vivid, terrifying hallucinations, rendering him essentially incoherent and requiring high doses of both benzodiazepines and haloperidol to abate. After regaining consciousness several hours later, patient stated that the “stress of [his] job” had gotten to him. He vehemently refused evaluation by Arkham consulting psychiatrist, and eventually left the ED AMA.

Social History: Patient denies smoking, drinking or taking any illegal controlled substances. He resides with Mr. Grayson, reportedly without romantic involvement. Diet consists largely of meals prepared by private household cooking staff. He reports serially monogamous sexual relationships with female partners. When asked, he states that he “usually has proper equipment,” which is interpreted to mean that condoms are used for contraception and STI prevention.

Family History: Both parents deceased (homicide). Generally assumed to be non-contributory

Physical exam:

Temp 98.7, HR 60, RR 12, BP 113/68

General – well-nourished, well-appearing adult male in NAD; alert, oriented, cooperative

Skin – confluent, symmetrical, faintly erythematous rash extending from anterior hairline onto malar region (“from the hazmat mask they make me wear when I visit the lab”); four linear, well-healed lacerations on left pectoral (“fencing accident”). Numerous ecchymotic areas in various stages of healing

HEENT – small area of firm edema on the left occiput, c/w contusion. PERRLA, EOMI. TMs grossly intact bilat. Nares patent. Oropharynx normal. Good dentition, with evidence of repaired trauma

Chest – CTAB

CV – RRR without murmur. Radial, femoral pulses +2/4

Abd – soft, NTND, no HSM, + BS x 4.

Ext – well-defined (borderline hypertrophic) musculature. Limited active ROM in shoulders, elbows, wrists, knees, ankles, consistent with healing contusion/sprain or overuse injuries in numerous joints. Normal tone, strength UE/LE bilat.

Neuro – CN 2-12 grossly intact. ? faint resting tremor. FTN intact, no dysdiadokinesia. DTR +2/4 at patella, Achilles. Gait normal. Refuses MMS exam (“I have an aversion to riddles.”)

Psych – well-groomed, pleasant and conversational. A & O x3. Affect somewhat flat (baseline, as stated above)

Assessment/Plan — 40-year-old male with complicated past medical history as noted. Generally normal exam, excepting the following:

Rash — Patient advised that mask seems to be causing an irritant rash, and advised him to have lab personnel fit him with another, less occlusive size.

Resting tremor — Given risk factors stated above, there is some concern about early Parkinsonism. Will contact patient’s neurologist to have next follow-up appointment moved up.

Joint stiffness — As with previous visits, patient was advised to consider recreational activities that carry less risk of ongoing physical injury, or at very least allow himself to heal fully from previous trauma before returning to participation. Given the apparently quite aggressive tendencies of patient’s MMA club, advised him that almost any other activity he might choose is likely to confer less risk of ongoing morbidity (or even mortality). Patient responded to this advice with his usual polite indifference.

Looking more globally, there is some concern that there is an underlying illness that accounts for some of patient’s extensive symptomatology. Discussed with patient that there may be some obscure syndrome that includes brittle bones, but also propensity for severe hypersensitivity, psychiatric symptoms and skin damage. Advised him that many journals publish reports of puzzling cases, which may allow other physicians to comment helpfully about treatments or diagnoses that might be pertinent. Patient politely but emphatically refuses consent for such publication at this time.

Advised patient to limit stress, continue with (hopefully more benign form of) physical activity, continue with healthy diet. Flu shot administered. Planned follow-up in one year, sooner as needed.

(Note to clerical staff — please exclude the following note if there are future record requests. An alternate explanation, more plausible than the histories associated with many of patient’s injuries, is a series of industrial mishaps. As head of Wayne Enterprises, patient presumably takes a very active role in the company’s various subsidiary R&D departments. These subsidiaries include biotech, chemical and numerous other firms that traffic in hazardous materials. One might infer that some of patient’s more extreme medical problems stem from exposure to these hazards while taking a hands-on approach to running his company. There are a few understandable reasons that patient might wish to keep the true nature of his injuries private, despite assurances of medical confidentiality given that leaks of this information might undermine confidence in his company’s governance or alternatively might jeopardize secret government contracts. While it is somewhat regrettable that patient does not feel comfortable revealing the true nature of these injuries and exposures, it is nevertheless understandable.)







Batman is a fictional character created by the artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger. A comic book superhero, Batman first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May 1939), and since then has appeared primarily in publications by DC Comics. Originally referred to as "The Bat-Man" and still referred to at times as "The Batman", he is additionally known as "The Caped Crusader", "The Dark Knight", and the "World's Greatest Detective," among other titles.

In the original version of the story and the vast majority of retellings, Batman's secret identity is Bruce Wayne, an American millionaire (later billionaire) playboy, industrialist, and philanthropist. Having witnessed the murder of his parents as a child, he swore revenge on crime, an oath tempered with the greater ideal of justice. Wayne trains himself both physically and intellectually and dons a bat-themed costume in order to fight crime. Batman operates in the fictional American Gotham City, assisted by various supporting characters including his crime-fighting partner, Robin, his butler Alfred Pennyworth, the police commissioner Jim Gordon, and occasionally the heroine Batgirl. He fights an assortment of villains such as the Joker, the Penguin, the Riddler, Two-Face, Poison Ivy and Catwoman. Unlike most superheroes, he does not possess any superpowers; he makes use of intellect, detective skills, science and technology, wealth, physical prowess, martial arts skills, an indomitable will, fear, and intimidation in his continuous war on crime.

Batman became a very popular character soon after his introduction and gained his own comic book title, Batman, in 1940. As the decades wore on, differing interpretations of the character emerged. The late 1960s Batman television series used a camp aesthetic which continued to be associated with the character for years after the show ended. Various creators worked to return the character to his dark roots, culminating in the 1986 miniseries The Dark Knight Returns, by Frank Miller, while the successes of Tim Burton's 1989 film Batman and Christopher Nolan's 2005 reboot Batman Begins also helped to reignite popular interest in the character. A cultural icon, Batman has been licensed and adapted into a variety of media, from radio to television and film, and appears on a variety of merchandise sold all over the world such as toys and video games. The character has also intrigued psychiatrists with many trying to understand the character's psyche and his true ego in society. In May 2011, Batman placed second on IGN's Top 100 Comic Book Heroes of All Time, after Superman.




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RyanLantern77
RyanLantern77 - 11/15/2011, 11:55 AM
TL;DR
MarkJulian
MarkJulian - 11/15/2011, 11:56 AM
"Patient has denied being the victim of domestic abuse by Mr. Grayson following indirect and direct questioning on numerous occasions. "
rbfn04
rbfn04 - 11/15/2011, 11:57 AM
If you gonna do that, go all in.Batman would have multiple muscle tears and micro fractures just from never resting.
AraxisHT
AraxisHT - 11/15/2011, 11:58 AM
He does indeed deny romantic relationship.
TheDpool
TheDpool - 11/15/2011, 12:00 PM
He's been in his 40's for a while hasn't he
MassExecutions
MassExecutions - 11/15/2011, 12:03 PM
Fantastic. Extremely well done.
TheLight
TheLight - 11/15/2011, 12:06 PM
Family History: Both parents deceased (homicide). Generally assumed to be non-contributory

Damn. No one for any blood donors, lol.
blvdnoise
blvdnoise - 11/15/2011, 12:07 PM
Just image what his health insurance premiums look like..
crazyray
crazyray - 11/15/2011, 12:08 PM
REALLY well done. I love this type of stuff...just like the psychiatric evals of Batman's villians.
grifter
grifter - 11/15/2011, 12:25 PM
They should do one for the Punisher. You want to see some real wounds look no further.
golden123
golden123 - 11/15/2011, 12:25 PM
@TheDpool: The DC relaunch reverted Baatman back to about 31 although he was approximatly 44 in the months before the relaunch. Though, I like to think that he had the body of a 33 year old, but the mentality of a 44 year old. I say this because he was soaked in the Lazarus Pits once (take off ten years) and recently he was missing in time for a year (take off one year).
Supes17
Supes17 - 11/15/2011, 12:41 PM
Damn talk about realism. lol

I'm in Allied Health so I understood all of it. It's cool how they imcluded the Poison Ivy and Bane incidents

MassExecutions
MassExecutions - 11/15/2011, 12:45 PM
@grifter - Yeah, but I'm pretty sure the Punisher has never been to the hospital! Except maybe when he was in prison!
ThaMessenger07
ThaMessenger07 - 11/15/2011, 12:59 PM
lol This is great!

I would love a Matt Murdock one lol That would be awesome.

nuck82
nuck82 - 11/15/2011, 1:09 PM
lol 71, that makes me feel kinda old, even if thats not a real birth year, but still im just sayn
ClarkFarley2012
ClarkFarley2012 - 11/15/2011, 1:10 PM
This was cool. Batman is 40 something??!! Wow. Love to see one on Daredevil or Peter Parker.
VicSage
VicSage - 11/15/2011, 1:19 PM
I'm pretty sure Batman's venture into the Fountain of Youth during the Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul storyline shaved off a good ten years though. He may be 40 something but he's at the peak of human physical abilities at that age. Couple that with the Fountain of Youth dip he had, his body should feel like 30 years old at the peak of physical conditions.
Supes17
Supes17 - 11/15/2011, 1:41 PM
They should do one on reporter Clark Kent, lol. That would be interesting
thedude2936
thedude2936 - 11/15/2011, 2:25 PM
@supes17 I agree a Clark Kent one would be pretty interesting
joeker
joeker - 11/15/2011, 2:38 PM
haha 'subject resides with Mr Grayson but denies any romantic involvement' Bullshit! the stain s say otherwise
voxen
voxen - 11/15/2011, 2:55 PM
They wouldn't list Grayson as his companion he was legally adopted by Bruce they would have him listed as his son. That part bothered me the rest was great but I agree with someone above There would be muscle tears and burns as well.
HAQ
HAQ - 11/15/2011, 4:04 PM
gay
lanternstorm
lanternstorm - 11/15/2011, 4:31 PM
@ Voxen... Grayson wasn't legally adopted by Bruce... Dick was Bruce's foster son nothing more... Tim Drake was legally adopted by bruce.
sarahsatire
sarahsatire - 11/15/2011, 5:09 PM
@Gaston You just reminded me how awesome Alex Ross's art is. Time to read Kingdom Come again.
TheOverlord
TheOverlord - 11/15/2011, 7:36 PM
@Gusto you're right - he was an adult by 1939. But that's probably just what Bruce told the doc to explain his youthful appearance. How else do you explain Lazarus Pits?! ( By the way, you're overdue...)
Al
Al - 11/15/2011, 11:42 PM
This was pretty damn cool! Would like to see more of these, including some for Marvel's characters as well (Peter Parker, Matt Murdock, who's medical checkup I'd expect to be very similar to Bruce Wayne's, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, Miles Morales & a few others!) Yeah, this was indeed cool!
VictorHugo
VictorHugo - 11/16/2011, 3:56 AM
Nice, somehow makes Batman more real. It´s the stuff of a pocket book.
BeeneMachine
BeeneMachine - 11/16/2011, 10:22 AM
@Blvdnoise, "Insurance: Self-pay"
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