WARNING! If your easily offended by coarse language or seriously love X-Men Orgins Wolverine Please do not watch or read the review below!
(For those of you who can't watch the video here)
Part 2
We jump inside a school where we see a young Scott Summers.
What the [frick] is Scott Summers doing in a Wolverine movie as a child?
You don’t find out right away. We go straight back to Logan tracking down Rath and Dukes.
When Logan steps into the ring with Dukes, to one of the worst fat-suits since Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphy decided they wanted to be fat chicks.
After some horrible after-effects jelly roll jiggles and a headbutt, we learn about one of my favorite X-Men characters of all-time.
As we’re introduced to Gambit, the first thing you wonder is, HOW [frick]ING OLD IS GAMBIT! If this takes place in the 70’s, they’re saying Gambit’s [frick]ing Old.
I don’t remember reading that Gambit ages slower than others. I could be wrong, but he doesn’t even belong here. There are so many other characters that could have been brought in, but in order to lure unsuspecting idiots into the theaters they used Gambit.
So as Gambit and Wolverine are bitching, outside John Rath battles Sabertooth and is killed, while Logan is hit by an energy charge that sends him through the wall.
This is where shit gets stupid. After Logan knocks out Gambit, Creed and Logan have another battle
Where it looks like Wolverine’s kicking Creed’s ass. Gambit should still be passed out at this point, but somehow he teleports to the roof and does a super-drop.
Where the [frick] did that come from?
Wasn’t he just [frick]ing knocked out? How the [frick] did he get on the roof? It would have taken way longer to get up there, Logan and Victor had just started fighting. It wasn’t like they were fighting for hours.
Skipping ahead, we get our first glance at Weapon 11. Or is that Deadpool? Or is that Wade Wilson? I don’t know, but fanboys can start jazzing in their pants; even if the rest of the movie sucked, they’re still getting a glimpse of Deadpool. Or are they?
Closer to the end of the film, Gambit flies Wolverine to the island where he discovers that his love, Silverfox, was working with Creed and Stryker, and had faked her own death.
What bothers me is that if Wolverine would have stayed with her the entire night, or prepared to bury her, this could have been avoided, but he didn’t even go back to check and see if maybe she was allright. He just assumed because her heart stopped she was dead, when he could have at least taken her home, or buried her, he didn’t even try to look for her body after she was gone.
So after being betrayed, Wolverine walks out on Silverfox. Then he hears her screaming because Creed’s got her all gripped up. So he runs back, kicks Creed’s ass,
And ends up saving the day, and tries to rescue some mutants. One of which happens to be Emma Frost. So you’re probably thinking after watching First Class, how can this bitch be in Origins? Diamonds, what more can you ask?
Oh, how about a little [frick]ing plot development? Well, ignore that for now. Here’s where the [frick]ing directors decide to flip your childhood over and let Pedobear take care of it.
Wolverine is finally confronted by Deadpool, and you realize this isn’t the Deadpool you were expecting. This is mother[frick]ing Baraka from Mortal Kombat, sent here to pull a fatality on your childhood memories.
As Wolverine pulls out his claws, so does Deadpool? Just like a mother[frick]ing Baraka?
That’s not all that surprised me, we also learn that Deadpool can teleport.
And Creed joins the fight to battle Barakapool. But after a failed attempt to shoot Logan in the dick, Wolverine decapitates him. And finally, the [frick]ing story is over. Thank [frick]ing God!
But it’s not. Stryker’s pissed-off, and he’s got some Adamantium bullets, and shoots Wolverine in the head making him lose his memory.
Then Charles [frick]ing Xavier walks up, wanting to pick the rest of the mutants up. In this scene, Patrick Stewart looks like a mother[frick]ing CGI ninja turtle. The de-aging effects make his face look so [frick]ing stupid, you could swear he’s a cartoon.
After getting shot in the head twice and not dying, Wolverine wakes up to Gambit telling him his name is Logan. And the story ends.
AND IT’S STILL NOT THE [frick]ING END OF THE MOVIE! STILL!!!
Then we get a pointless scene of Stryker walking, and either a scene of Wolverine in a bar in Japan or Barakapool telling you to ‘shhhhhh…’
After watching this huge pile of shit, I’m left wondering how the director and writers even have jobs. I also wonder why the [frick] this series isn’t seriously rebooted. That’s why it’s one of those comic book movies you love to hate.