WARNING! If your easily offended by coarse language or seriously! Please do not watch or read the review below!
Wow, Generation X Made a TV Series!
I'm not going hold back any punches with this review!
Watching this show was like someone was holding my eyes open and shitting right into my eye sockets!
Seriously! I have tried to watch this show about 15 times now.
When you start seeing certain scenes you begin to get this feeling...
You've seen this piece of shit before!
If you have can imagine Batman Forever and Batman And Robin
I think I was starting to go to sleep there for a moment!
with no budget, and mixed with a little Saved By The Bell and 21 Jump Street, you can only imagine how bad this Made For TV Movie really is.
In order to keep you interested they try to wake up the audience, by adding pop culture references and sexual situations that do nothing for the story but make you want to turn it off!
The cast of this show makes you feel like your suffering through a funeral! The only redeeming quality of this show is Emma Frost. She has boobs!
Her powers seem really weak and she's always acting like she wants to get laid. But what would you expect from a younger Miss Bliss? She couldn't always give Zack an A.
Helping Emma Out Is Sean Cassidy AKA Banshee who plays Mister Belding,
His only powers seem to be screaming and it leaves you thinking to yourself, this could be the most annoying character I have ever seen. And no he does not fly.
But luckily for us we don't have to deal with him a whole lot, which in a way is kind of a shame because we don't get to see him in his costume or flying around kicking ass.
And then they leave us to putting up with the rest of the cast, who just make you want to pull out your belt and bust all their mutant asses!
You're never going to guess who the villain is for this. Its mother [frick]ing Max Headroom.
Ever scene he does makes you feel like you're watching a Jim Carry movie.
From his movements, facial expressions and overall character, you can tell they tried everything they could to make it feel like the Batman Forever of the Marvel universe.
The teenagers consist of generic versions of Saved By The Bell characters mixed in with a 21 Jump Street edge.
You've got Mondo who is your A.C Slater.
He's the teen that can turn into any matter he touches.
He is also a jock and somewhat of a bully.
Angelo Espinosa aka Skin as Screech Powers he can stretch himself kinda like Reed Richards from the Fantastic Four. And he ends up being the reason the ream has to go on their first mission.
Monet St. Coix aka M as Lisa Turtle. She's supposed to be super powerful and smart or some shit.
Arlee Hick Or Buff as Jessie Spano.
I guess her powers include super stamina and back muscles.
There's Kurt Refrax, who tries to pull off a mean Zack Morris impression, but the only thing he really does is rip off Cyclops by blowing up a TV.
He also used X-Ray vision to find out where I sleep at night so he can shit all over mychildhood.
And let's not forget about good Ol Jubilee who is Generation X's version of Kelly Kapowski. She is probably the most interesting character of the show, for about the first 5 minutes, then they don't give her a chance to grow as a character.
I guess if you think about it she's more like the Tori Scott of Generation X, which is like saying her character is the last season of Saved By The Bell...You know the shitty season? On The Plus Side however, she does get naked :)
If Your familiar with the 90's X-Men cartoon, then right off the bat you can tell this show isn't related to the cartoon.
What's even more [frick]ed up In this Marvel universe is that the X-Men are nothing more than Merchandise!
There an X-Men Arcade Machine,
and Refrax is even wearing a Wolverine Shirt!
Before I start falling asleep again, what exactly is this show about?
So what do you do with these characters?
Ok so it's not exactly like that.
These mutants come together to the Xavier Institute which is the same castle as the one used for Smallville and the X-Men films. In a strange way this made for TV movie set the stage for the Xavier institute.
The reason they're brought here is, I guess, to learn to control their mutant powers and work as a team.
It's hard to figure out who the target audience is for this show, nor does it seem like anyone even tried!
It hints towards comic book fans, teens, and children, but when you watch it there's way too many adult references and situations .
And even worse, the jokes are [frick]ing pathetic!
I mean seriously -"NICE BEAVER!" Who the [frick] says that?
Ok so whatever, Max Headroom invents a dream device that he wants to use to gain mutant powers to become physic and he wants to use Screech's brain to do it.
And they end up defeating him, end of story.
But it's not the end of the story because after you get done with this piece of shit you really wish that you had that 2 hours of your life back!! I tried to find redeeming qualities to this show.
I really did. But the truth is they [frick]ed up Cerebro, which was nothing more than a radio station.
They [frick]ed up the danger room,
which was a kids playground.
And they made a horrible show!
The show's writing and acting was the worst thing I have ever heard shit out of someone's mouth.
I have seen a lot of comic book movies where I felt like characters were mistreated or abused, but this one is by far the worst.
They made up two completely useless characters and had them fall in love, they had the X-Men marketed like they didn't exist, there was a mansion that was pretty much empty?
Where the hell were all the rest of the mutants? Where was Xavier?
I mean I could have dissected this film with a fine toothed comb, but who in the hell would want to subject themselves to this kind of torture? I skipped a lot about this show because it all seems like random bullshit and a complete waste of time. At one point the mutants all drive into town to go shopping, where did they get all that money? Who knows. I guess you get a free shopping spree for going to The Xavier Institute. And they also go to a fair were they get into some stereotypical teen hijinks and almost get expelled.
I'm not for sure if I truly understood what I had just watched. It was like someone took everything I liked about being geeky and turned it into a blistering pile of puss that pops out of the pimple of the first stages of puberty.
To be honest this show makes you glad that this was never picked up.
I couldn't imagine having to sit through watching people shit out of their mouths every week while raping everything that the 90's X-men cartoons tried to teach us.
You can't have a show based on Marvel Mutants without Xavier, or have them completely ignore the fact the X-Men exist in the Marvel Universe or you get some shitty show like Mutant-X or this pile of shit I just watched!
Seriously, if you ever have the chance to see this film please for the love of god skip it! You would feel much better watching Batman and Robin,
or at least Joel Shomacher apologized for that piece of shit!
Check out My Previous Review Of Wolverine Origins:
X-Men Origins Wolverine Video Review Part 1
Comicbook Jerk's X-Men Origins Wolverine Video Review Part 2
And Other Articles:
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