Captain Morgan:
To start this battle off, I’ll be going first
Have some of my rum if you’re dying of thirst
I proudly stand tall, with one foot on a barrel
Anyone who steps up to me will no longer be sterile
I was named after a successful privateer among the Spanish Main
So you know I’m tough with my drinks distilled from sugar cane
When it comes to pirate captains, I’m the best one of all
Anyone who sails with me will surely have a ball
Captain Crunch:
Oh just stop Morgan, your rhymes make me throw up my lunch
Just give up, cause you’re now facing Captain Crunch
All your shitty drinks do is make people drunk
You have a hideous mustache, and you smell worse than a skunk
People line up at the stores, just to buy my cereal
Cause it has a healthy dose of vitamins and minerals
We’ll see who’s a better pirate when your face meets my fist
Have some Cap’n Crunch cereal, it’s part of a nutritious breakfast
Captain Flint:
You two think you’re pirates? Hah! You make me laugh
I’ll now end you both, cause I’ve had enough of your crap
Both of you are just silly food and beverage mascots
I’ll put you in your graves, and leave you to rot
I’m a classic literary character, commanding the Walrus
You can try to fight my crew and I, but you could never beat us
I’ll lead off of your courses, and straight to the sirens
Then I’ll bury both of you scallywags on Treasure Island
Captain Hook:
Now entering the arena, it’s the scourge of Neverland
All of you landlubbers are even less manly than Peter Pan
You two commercialized morons should get out here and run
As should you Flint, for this shall be worse than dying by rum
Mr. Smee, can you tell me what it says on the clock?
I believe it’s time for me to feed these fools to the croc
You wannabe pirates should have taken a second look
Cause now you’ll regret facing the great Captain James Hook
Captain Feathersword:
You can call me Captain Feathersword, the friendly pirate
But now that I’m in this battle, I’m about to start a riot
Hook puts girls on their period whenever he fingers them
And don’t get me started on the rest of you rotten vermin
Kids line up to see me perform with the Wiggles
But that won’t stop me from making all of you cripples
You want a real challenge? Well, you won’t be bored
Come face me and my crew on the S.S. Feathersword
The Flying Dutchman:
The ghost pirate from Bikini Bottom is now here
All of you are now gonna be shaking in fear
Morgan and Crunch, your products make people sick
And Flint and Hook use big swords to hide the size of their dicks
Oh, and I haven’t forgot about you, Feathersword
Dying by my hands will be your only reward
I’ll steal all of your souls, and put them in my bag
I’m the real pimp captain, who has the most swag
Jack Sparrow:
Hello all, and welcome to the Caribbean
Get used to it here, cause none of you will be leaving
I’ve defeated many foes, like Davy Jones and the Kraken
Compared to my feats, all of you are really slackin’
Feathersword and Dutchman are just kid show stooges
And Hook is just a pedophile who constantly loses
I’ll cut through all you punks straight like an arrow
You’ll all remember this as the day you lost to Captain Jack Sparrow
Blackbeard:
The real OG pirate captain has now come into the field
And all these fictional fools are now gonna yield
To the hardcore captain manning the Queen Anne’s Revenge
You’ll all meet your deaths by my ship’s plank edge
I’ll now Edward Teach you all a lesson on this salt sea’s trenches
You’ll now all become my own personal servant wenches
None of you bitches would even exist without me
For I am the one true king of the high seven seas
Who won? You decide!
For more battles, visit my DeviantArt page:
http://rockerdude22.deviantart.com/gallery/