MY REALLY LATE GI JOE REVIEW

WOW...sommers really screwed the pooch again...i really despise him as a director...after the mummy 1 he just tanked...the only good thing he has going for him is that kevin j. o'connor manages to act in his films (he kicks ass)
but this film was utter rubbish!!!

By earzmundo - Aug 24, 2009 08:08 PM EST
Filed Under: G.I. Joe

The performances were decent from Scarlett, who is really hott, and of course Snake Eyes kicked major ass...Storm Shadow and Destro were well done as well...but Duke, Ripcord, 'Rex' and Zartan were crappy as ever. The GI JOE cast was alright also w.r.t. Gen Hawk (who barely had a presence in this film), but Duke and Ripcord were a buncha hotshots that barfed and reeked. Duke is sup to be a grand leader, not this lovesick puppy...and WTF...Baroness is sup to be boinking Destro and this Duke love triangle was so damn moot and out of place...and Scarlett wasn't interested in Duke nor Snake Eyes...but Ripcord??? Dammit this story was bonkers!!!!

Levitt was the most disappointing cuz i knew tatum would suck...but Levitt's character was a waste and poorly written...

As for the plot...so Destro can make the warheads but not weaponize them?..that's like Stark making Iron Men with no fuel source or no rockets...so damn lame of sommers!!! Not to mention why didn't Storm Shadow and Baroness upon infiltrating the pit actually KILL hawk...when they had the chance cuz they were killing all other folks left, right and centre...and ummm isn't hawk the leader of the enemy?...or why did they not try to set bombs to blow the Pit up as it houses all their enemies?...wow suck-ass aint it??..

Fraser's cameo was so drab...i wish the Rock had that role...

The Snake Eyes - Storm Shadow rivalry was poorly shown in flash-back as it never materialised into a true rivalry to me...and their fight was so one-sided!!!

As for Rex's mindwipe of his sister...the whole scientist Rex and 'ill brainwash everyone in the name of science...inc my own sis' was damn shite!!!

The Duke, Rex, Anna storyline was very shitty and barely survived thanks to Sienna lookin so damn fine!!!

Rex's transformation into Cobra at the end was suck-ass...not to mention his injection into Destro....how lame was that?...and did Cobra's sub not have sonar to detect enemy...cuz duke magically showed up with a zillion subs alongside...literally outta the blue...is criss angel a GI JOE?? hmmm
The last half hour shows the meandering and weak plot and highlights all bad storytelling alive...worse than a mike bay tale...WORSE!!!!

The CGI of the accelerator suits and the aluminum looking plane that hawk brought the joes in at the start looked so fake...a lot of the CGI was poor...and that's no xcuse cuz how cud u fukk up this CGI, yet bay makes transformers look so damn real and believable!!!

The president end was coo, but so not a twist, as it made up for a wasted Zartan role... but to have Cobra rise, then get celled with Destro like a buncha thugs was sh*tty galore...this movie really tanked at the end...the villains were lame...esp Levitt...as his transition and rise were always sunk at the bottom of the cesspit...terrible i say!!!
Tatum is really sucky...to the max...

i hope serpentor and nemesis enforcer can find a way to the sequel...and revive storm shadow...they messed his past as snake eyes' brother up so badly...dude shadow was just under cover with cobra...and SOMMERS FUKKED DAT UP TOO!!!

Sorry for ranting but he killed part of my childhood...and bay is still rapin transformers...so i ask...is it safe for heman or thundercats??

SNAKE EYES Star Henry Golding Says Paramount Has Grand Plans For The G.I. JOE Franchise
Related:

SNAKE EYES Star Henry Golding Says Paramount Has "Grand Plans" For The G.I. JOE Franchise

G.I. JOE: Concept Art Emerges For Unmade ADVENTURE TEAM Animated Prequel TV Series
Recommended For You:

G.I. JOE: Concept Art Emerges For Unmade ADVENTURE TEAM Animated Prequel TV Series

DISCLAIMER: As a user generated site and platform, ComicBookMovie.com is protected under the DMCA (Digital Millenium Copyright Act) and "Safe Harbor" provisions.

This post was submitted by a user who has agreed to our Terms of Service and Community Guidelines. ComicBookMovie.com will disable users who knowingly commit plagiarism, piracy, trademark or copyright infringement. Please CONTACT US for expeditious removal of copyrighted/trademarked content. CLICK HERE to learn more about our copyright and trademark policies.

Note that ComicBookMovie.com, and/or the user who contributed this post, may earn commissions or revenue through clicks or purchases made through any third-party links contained within the content above.

Be the first to comment and get the conversation going!

View Recorder