It's been three years since Green Lantern shook my faith in Ryan Reynolds to core. So many things was wrong with it that I won't delve into yet (That'll be in a future Grievance article) So I've decided to break down the events of my life from June 16, 2011 to June 19, 2011. So let me begin...
June 16, 2011: The Calm Before The Shitstorm
I remember being so excited for this movie, this movie was gonna be awesome! Some a**hole reviewer even had the gall to call it "A mix between Star Wars and Iron Man" they hyped the sh*t out of this film! I was going nuts, Green Lantern was going to stake its claim as the best movie of 2011! The wait was almost over...
June 17, 2011 11:15am: Enter The Theater
Here we go... the movie is about to start...
June 17, 2011 2:00pm: WHAT THE F*CK DID I JUST F*CKING WATCH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
WHAT. THE. F*CK.
June 17, 2011 2:01pm: Give Me A Refund B*tch!
"Sorry sir, you watched the entire movie, if you would have walked out half way or earlier, then we would be able to give you a refund."
June 17, 2011 2:05pm: Crying At McDonald's
Pretty self explanatory...
June 17, 2:06pm-June 18, 7:46 am: Blackout
My memory is fuzzy during this period...
June 18, 2011 7:50am: Oooohhhh, Cap'n Crunch!
My favorite cereal to help me forget the tragic events that transpired the day before...
June 18, 2011 7:51am: What happened to the milk?!
I'm out of milk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 18, 2011 7:52am-11:00am: Crying And Napping
Went back to sleep after munching on some dry ass Cap'n Crunch...
June 18, 2011 11:00am-12:00pm: Reading Green Lantern Reviews
I'm not alone!!!!!!!!
June 18, 2011 12:00pm: Bathroom Break
I had to use the bathroom...
June 18, 2011 12:10pm: I Gotta Warn People!
I felt the need to warn people about this sh*tty movie
June 18, 2011 12:25pm: "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
I was asked to leave the theater lobby within five minutes of arrival...
June 18, 2011 12:25pm: Going Home
Once again, self explanatory...
June 18, 2011 12:40pm: Watching Pulp Fiction For The First Time
Now THIS is a movie!
June 18, 2011 3:20pm: Looking For A Tasty Burger
Samuel L Jackson sold the hell out of that Big Kahuna burger didn't he?
June 18, 2011 3:45pm: In-N-Out Oughta Do It!
It did, it was amazing!
June 18, 2011 4:30pm: Food Coma
I was passed out!
June 18, 2012 7:01pm- June 19, 2011 12:00am: GTA IV
Because sometimes you just need to violently lash out without actually committing a crime...
It took a me a while to fully get over what a turd Green Lantern was, but three years have gone by now, and I have risen from the ashes, and I believe that we can all use this movie as a learning experience; if Ryan Reynolds is in it, then don't watch it.