Pop Culture Real Estate Listings
By
Brian VanHooker
Turtle with Lemonade Productions
www.turtlewithlemonade.com
Copyright 2012
The Technodrome
This beautiful, custom-built Technodrome is perfect for a disembodied alien brain or a suburban family looking for a really unique home. Complete with 972 rooms (4 Bedroom, 1 ½ Bath) the Technodrome is spacious, with high ceilings and multiple torture chambers. It comes with an anti-gravity generator, a robot factory, a trans-dimensional portal and granite countertops. This is also a spectacular home on the outside, with 3-foot-thick titanium armor, six state-of-the-art laser blasters, and a giant mechanical eye, you are certain to be the envy of your neighbors. Though it does need some TLC, there is some flooding in the basement from a brief period at the bottom of the Arctic Ocean and the power grid is a little glitchy due to repeated vandalism by mutant turtles. The Technodrome is nothing less than a one-of-a-kind luxury home perfect for you and your family, located conveniently in Dimension X at the bottom of the volcano.
Hershel’s Farm
A lovely, two-story farmhouse on 10 rolling acres of lush farmland. Nicely secluded, it is surrounded by forests and protected by a barbed-wire perimeter fence. Just a few miles from the highway the government napalmed and only a 20 minute drive into town, though extended shopping trips are not recommended. The house itself has been passed down through generations of hard-drinkers. It has been well taken care of, complete with a sturdy wraparound porch and newly boarded windows. The farm comes complete with plenty of livestock, a windmill perfect for a lookout post, and two freshwater wells (one of which is walker-free!). Prospective buyers are welcome to stop by for a tour of the property, though no access will be granted to the barn. So, stop on by Hershel’s family farm, we’re sure you’ll find it to be the perfect place to wait out the zombie apocalypse.
Yoda’s Hut
You seek hut on Dagoba. Lovely home in the swamp, this is. Built it myself, I did. Cozy, it is, yes, two rooms only, but size matters not: Front door leads to living room, living room leads to kitchen and kitchen… leads to living room. Swamp is perfect for swimming and much wildlife is around you. Dinner, they provide, and a garden you can plant too. Magic forest is nearby, great for facing fears. Perfect, Dagobah is for hiding from Sith assassins. Remote, it is, and moist! Want this home, you do. Buy it, you will.
Flintstones House
Yabba dabba doo! Now this is the perfect house for the modern Stone-Age family. Located in the heart of Bedrock, this lovely home is within easy commuting distance to the stone quarry. There is plenty of room in the driveway for your foot-powered car and you’ll love the neighbors (though their son can be a bit dangerous). The house itself has all the cutting-edge appliances any Neanderthal would need; the wooly-mammoth shower has excellent water pressure, the pelican washing machine gets your clothes smelling fresh and the wild-boar garbage disposal is extremely efficient. Most of all, this home is built-to-last, made of solid igneous rock with a nice slate trim, this house will be standing even if a meteor drops. So, move out of that cave and come on down to Bedrock, we promise that you’ll have a gay old time.
GhostBuster’s Firehouse
A three-story converted firehouse in downtown Manhattan, this building was newly renovated in 1984 from a simple firehouse to the perfect headquarters for battlers of the paranormal. It measures 9,642.55 square feet and includes a kitchen, living quarters, laboratory and a holding cell for spooks, specters and ghosts. The garage is built for a fire engine but works even better for a decked-out hearse. There are some drawbacks to this property, faulty wiring, bad neighborhood and we recommend you keep the fridge locked due to one particularly hungry ghost, but it does have firepoles! And what more could you possibly want? Therefore, if you’re looking for a base of operations to save New York from spirits, a killer Statue of Liberty or a giant marshmallow, check out the GhostBusters’ firehouse. Now, who you gonna call? Call 212-555-2368 and ask for Janine for more information.
Muppet Theater
Hi ho everyone! For sale is the historic Muppet Theater located in the heart of Hollywood, California. This is a lovely venue, perfect for putting on variety shows. Complete with a newly renovated stage (the previous stage was exploded), 20 rows of seating and a balcony (two cranky old hecklers not removable). Along with the stage are standing sets, including a laboratory with edible paper clips and a kitchen with singing vegetables (though the kitchen does have some fire damage). Unfortunately, the Muppet Theater does have rats, but you can’t get rid of them, they’re union. This location is not recommended for owners with an allergy to fur, but it is perfect for animal-lovers as there is a veterinarian’s hospital on-site. This location truly is perfect for everyone. So, if you’re a frog, a pig, a bear, a chicken, a dog or a whatever, the Muppet Theater is the place for you.
Dorothy Gale’s Farmhouse
This traditional family farmhouse is conveniently located in downtown Munchkin-Land, right on top of the Wicked Witch of the East. This sturdy home is very well-built; it even survived a twister! One might find the black and white colors a bit dreary, but it offers a nice contrast to its surroundings. You’ll absolutely love the neighborhood, it’s very safe (flying monkey gangs tend to stay in the talking-tree forest), your neighbors are extremely friendly (though they can get noisy) and it’s just a quick yellow-brick-road walk to Emerald City. We’re sure that as soon as you see this lovely farmhouse, you’ll be clicking your heels and saying “There’s no place like home!”
Peewee’s Playhouse
This beautiful home is located deep in Puppetland. Through the jungle and past the bunny valley you’ll find a home unlike any other. There’s a pool out back with a swimming ducky tube, neon signs light up the sky and a sphinx stands over the front door. It comes fully furnished with a talking window to greet all your crazy guests, a very enthusiastic exercise belt so you can get into shape, and a friendly chair who just loves to hug. You’ll enjoy your neighbors too, they stop by all the time to show you cartoons or take you horseback riding. Though it is only one bedroom and one bath, there is plenty of space for all the toys you would want and there’s even a home theater which provides a perfectly legal place to relax and watch any kind of movies you want. Come see Peewee’s Playhouse and you just might say the secret word: SOLD!
The Batcave
This spacious subterranean hideout located on the edge of Gotham City is the perfect place for the vigilante playboy. Complete with a fifty-car-garage, and conveniently located behind a waterfall, you’ll find that the Batcave is great for the billionaire on-the-go. There is plenty of closet space, which can hold dozens of costumes for yourself and your adolescent sidekicks. The Batcave features a built-in crime lab, a giant penny (?), and state-of-the-art computers, all of which flip around and hide underground with the push of a button. Also included is a loyal English butler, who can stitch up injuries or become a father figure if you suddenly become orphaned. Yes, it does have bats, but they can come in handy if you have the right gadget in your utility belt. And though it can become the occasional target of murderous maniacs, the Batcave does come with a direct line to the commissioner’s office. If you decide that this custom-built lair is the place for you, we can guarantee that you’ll be the envy of all your super friends!
The Death Star
No, it isn’t a moon, it’s a space station! Built a long time ago in a galaxy far far way by hard-working clones, this floating fortress is truly one-of-a-kind (except for the other one). With literally hundreds of access ports, the Death Star is the perfect place to park anything from a Tie-Fighter to a Star Destroyer. The interior includes secure holding cells, a reactor core perfect for throwing a Dark Sith Lord into, and a giant egg you can sit in to take off your respirator and be alone with your thoughts. Now, there have been a few electrical problems due to excessive use of Force Lightning, and the trash compactor does have a slight squid infestation, but those are very minor issues. The only real problem you may encounter comes from a small design flaw (but, boy, is it a doozy) so we recommend not letting the blueprints out of your sight. Act now and the ultimate weapon of the Galactic Alliance can be yours, which, anyone from Alderaan can tell you, is a force to be reckoned with.