A few hours ago I paid 7.50 to go see The Expendables. With plans already in motion to go see Scott Pilgrim later this week, Sly Stallone’s latest film was my next choice. And man was I NOT disappointed.
You see unlike Mr. Pilgrim, this movie has gotten extremely mixed reviews. Mostly from critics. Who I now deem to be artistically challenged. If you do not like this homage to classic heroes of yesteryear, then you should be tortured and killed by the ‘80s legends that helped shape the film industry as we know it.
The plot is simple enough: evil General Garza kills and dictates the lives of his people in pure fascist fashion. But he is only a stooge compared to James Munroe, ex-CIA. Munroe pays Garza to harvest cocaine and basically be his lapdog. The only people who stand in their way are a group of mercenaries with nothing to lose: The Expendables.
These are the baddest of the bad. Headquartered in a tattoo parlor run by a former Expendable named Tool who hooks them up with their next assignments. But when a recon mission to the Island of Vilena turns sour, they bug out.
And then, Ross, leader of the elite squad, decides to go back to save a girl, namely the general’s daughter without help. What little does Ross realize that his team will never abandon a comrade in need. Ever.
And that as they say is that.
The acting was actually better than I expected, knowing that these are action stars, wrestlers, and UFC champs. Granted, their characters were not given the best of names. Jet Li’s name was Yin Yang. SERIOUSLY?! But otherwise the performances were moderate if not great.
The worst was Steve “Stone Cold” Austin in my opinion. He was just there as the bodyguard, with zero background, and maybe ten lines. Maybe. Eric Roberts was vindictive and self-righteous as James Munroe. (btw, this guy gets his in a jaw dropping way!) Dolph Lundgren, perhaps the most psychotic of the Expendables, was sadistic to the point of you either wanting to grimace or laugh. Especially his obsession with hanging pirates.
David Zayas was commendable as Garza as he gave the villain an emotional stake in an otherwise two dimensional role. Randy Couture surprised me with his talent by playing the intellectual killing machine, Toll Road. With what little screen time he had, he proved to any that dare question his abilities, that he can ACT. I mean, COME ON! I was actually convinced that he was reading about some sociological text. And Terry Crews portrayed my personal favorite merc, Hale Caesar. This guy got even less screen time than Toll Road! But his favorite weapon, a monster of an auto shotgun with explosive warheads for tips, is something that is going on my Christmas list! I may never use it but dang if it ain’t cool to look at!!!
Jet Li gave an okay turn as Yin Yang. He was cool but hopefully his character along with the rest of the Expendables get more screen time in future sequels. And if you haven’t heard of Jason Statham by now, you will! This is by far his most violent character to date as the resident knife fighter and second only to Jet Li when it came to martial arts. Not to mention that he and Sylvester Stallone have great chemistry. I believed that they had been on several missions together. That’s saying something considering their difference in age. Speaking of which, age does seem to slow Stallone down, seeing as how much of a butt kicking he takes in this film! His performance as the usual grunt turned leader is mediocre imo. It just seemed that he has played this character in some way shape or form before in a previous film.
But the actor who deserves the most attention from this movie is Mickey Rourke. The last time he was on screen was in the moderately successful Iron Man 2. My complaints for him in that film, was the fact that he did not appear to be sincere and he mumbled. He’s supposed to be this wickedly intimidating and intelligent villain but we can’t understand him? That is not a factor in The Expendables. Here, he plays Tool. And Tool is a grizzled vet who tosses the team assignments. He gave two great speeches/anecdotes that just resonated with the audience. Definitely a step up from his performance as Ivan Vanko.
And the great moment was that when action vets Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger land on the scene, everyone got quiet. Its like that moment when two alpha male wolves meet up. But instead of wolves, they are men. And instead of two, there are three. Even though Arnie walked away as the butt of a GREAT joke, I would kill to see this trio gather again in a possible sequel.
With all great action war films such as this, there is and always will be great choreography. Jet Li and Jason Statham proved their fighting prowess in this film, being able to kill at least ten people within one and a half jaw dropping minutes. Randy Couture and Steve Austin showed off their wresting and MMA moves with ease and even kicking Stallone’s own hide at least once. The issue I had really was the camera work. It was really shaky during a couple of the fight sequences most notably Jet Li vs Dolph Lundgren. And do not even get me started on the dodgy CGI blood.
Director, writer, and starring actor Sylvester “Sly” Stallone has crafted the ultimate homage to the glory days of action heroes and of the elegant design of testosterone. He even gave up production on Rambo V to continue the adventures of The Expendables. While a good movie, hopefully a sequel will flesh out the characters and sand out the rough edges of what could be an otherwise cool franchise.