Welcome to the Harvey Two-Face Show! This is the show where our psychologically challenged host(s) engage(s) in a debate (with himself) over the latest news in the world of Batman comics, movies, etc.
And now, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrre's Harvey (and Two-Face)!
HARVEY: Thank you! Thank you very kindly!
(Applause dies down)
HARVEY: Two-Face, how are we this evening?
TWO-FACE: Bite us, loser!
HARVEY: Wonderful to see us, too. Well, tonight we're going to take a look at the latest developments surrounding the Christopher Nolan film THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, currently in production in the fine city of Pittsburgh, PA.
TWO-FACE: That film is going to be a travesty.
HARVEY: Why's that, Two-Face?
TWO-FACE: Well, for starters, we're not in it. How good can it be?
HARVEY: Well, that goes without saying, but we died at the end of THE DARK KNIGHT.
TWO-FACE: A mere technicality. It doesn't matter anyway. The so-called NolanVerse is not faithful at all to the comics.
HARVEY: What makes us say that? It seems to very much capture the spirit and feel of some of the best Batman stories out there.
TWO-FACE: What's wrong with us, Harvey? The NolanVerse doesn't even pay attention to the continuity of the last 75 years. Who does Nolan think he is? Next thing you know, he'll be demanding that DC relaunch all their characters in new #1 issues. (Rimshot)
HARVEY: Yes, but not everything translates well to the silver screen, Two-Face. Sometimes, things need to be adapted to work well as a film.
TWO-FACE: We're totally full of shit, Harvey!
HARVEY: We can't say that word on the air, Two-Face.
TWO-FACE: Whatever. Look, in the NolanVerse, Ra's al Ghul is instrumental to Bruce's training as Batman. In the real world, the world we live in, Harvey, Bruce Wayne didn't even encounter Ra's until he had been Batman for nearly
a decade. It doesn't make sense.
HARVEY: But it serves as a realistic setting for Bruce Wayne's journey into Batman.
TWO-FACE: Blasphemy! It's not canon! Which brings us to Rachel Dawes. Where'd she come from? Not from the gospel that is continuity!
HARVEY: But we were very much in love with Rachel and were planning on making her our wife.
TWO-FACE: Yes, but she's no Gilda Dent.
HARVEY: True, but she was really a lovely, intelligent woman. Especially after she was recast.
TWO-FACE: Maybe so. But she had nothing to do with our origin. Nolan is a heretic. He changed it so that the Joker was responsible for our birth. Of course, we all know it was Sal Maroni. So if he's not going to give us our
due and have Maroni throw acid in our face, why is Maroni even in the film?
HARVEY: It's just one interpretation, Two-Face. It works much better in Nolan's ultra-realistic world.
TWO-FACE: We're just a closet Nolan fan, Harvey. And by the way, how dare he elminate the perma-white of the Joker! That's the ultimate insult.
HARVEY: We don't know, Two-Face. We think it's a lot scarier if you don't know where this guy's coming from. It's even scarier that he voluntarily puts that makeup on instead of being perma-white.
TWO-FACE: That's not the Joker we know.
HARVEY: Perhaps. But let's talk about THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. What do we think of Bane?
TWO-FACE: What, that stocky, short guy fighting with Christian Bale?
HARVEY: C'mon, now, Two-Face. Would you rather do a Joel Schumacher interpretation?
(Two-Face flips his coin. It comes up on the good side).
TWO-FACE: Point taken. But still, he should have a full mask instead of that Hannibal Lecter ripoff!
HARVEY: Like Nacho Libre?
(Two-Face flips his coin. It comes up on the good side).
TWO-FACE: Point taken. But what about Catwoman? No cowl? No cat ears? C'mon.
HARVEY: Well, it should be pointed out that the official image was released on the same day as they filmed a Catwoman stunt double riding on a Bat-pod, so they were probably trying to prevent some crappy fan photos from beating them to the punch. We'll bet that she'll be in a cat cowl before too long. Besides, the rest of the costume looks very faithful to the current incarnation of Catwoman in the comics.
TWO-FACE: But just like Batman, she's not wearing a helmet while riding that dangerous contraption. Helmets are required in Gotham. Law breakers!
HARVEY: We think it should also be pointed out that the original press release announcing the casting of Anne Hathaway stated that she would be playing Selina Kyle. The word Catwoman was not in the release.
TWO-FACE: Damn Nolan and his realistic take!
HARVEY: Well, that's all the time we have today. This is Harvey Two-Face saying court adjourned.
(Applause)