REVIEW: Hellraiser: Revelations

REVIEW: Hellraiser: Revelations

The only Revelation from this movie is that 10 films (at least) is enough.

Review Opinion
By KingLobo - Apr 16, 2012 07:04 AM EST
Filed Under: Horror

WHY REVIEW A BAD MOVIE?...because I watched it of course.

After hearing about the new Hellraiser reboot, I got excited. I loved the Hellraiser movies, even the one in space. i'm pretty sure that's where most horror series jump the shark or just can't think of anything else to do...lets put them in space. Pinhead in space...Jason in Space...Leprechaun in space...Wishmaster in space. I think the only horror guy that hasn't been in space is Freddy. HOWEVER, that would be cool. I can see it now, an astronaut that has been haunted by Freddy as a child goes on a deep space mission with some other crew members. They enter into hybernation sleep...where Freddy enters their dreams. Or something like that. All I know is at the end we see an Alien getting a Freddy claw poking out if it's chest. Epic...EPIC I SAY!!!

But I digress.

The other reason to review a bad movie is I can spoil the hell out of it and no one will care.

The concept is simple and the same as many other Hellraiser films. Teens go on a trip to Mexico to get drunk and get laid. There one of them kills a hooker. A crusty old dude gives the "murderer" the box. The boy opens it, while his buddy videos it, and Pinhead takes them both. Somehow one of them escapes and hilarity ensures...I mean Pinhead wants him back.

Told in poorly edited flashback sequences, the movie starts with the boys going to Mexico. The filming is done with a "hand held" camera and all you see is bad teeth and eyeballs. Seriously? Who films that way anymore? I've seen better filmwork of some guy filming himself, with an iphone, lighting his farts on fire.

Flashback - or is it the present? to the familiy...Mom watching the video on the camera as her son opens the puzzle box. How they actually got the boys stuff nobody knows, but we do know they have been missing for some time. The daughter, dressed worse than the Tijana hookers, is the girlfriend of the Kid that did the accidental murder. His parents make it over for an ackward dinner. The acting is not too bad actually. I mean it's NOT GOOD...but it also not porn bad. The really bad part of the film is the shot set ups. It's like they only had 1 or 2 cameras, and just picked a corner to shot entire scene from. The result is what seems like a Highschool stage production: HellRaiser the Musical.

Then all of a sudden...one of the boys magically appears, after the daughter messes with the box of course, that just so happened to be in the bag with the camera. It's her brother. He's wacked out, and zombie like tells the story of what was happening, and that he can't go back. Passes out. Then comes to as if nothing had happened. At one point he decides to hit on and make out with his sister.(Dirty boob grab) It's at about this point we realize that he is actually the other boy (her boyfriend). A flashback a few minutes later and we see that he actually took his friend's skin.

This film tries to pull from the original film where blood and flesh reanimate the dead. After killing a few hookers the one kid who had been taken by Pinhead, had all of his body back but no skin. His friend decides to stop helping...and well skin swap. Meanwhile in Hell...the "good boy" has found the pleasures of unimaginable pain. Here I thought it was the other kid the whole time...NOT!

In the end the kid that escaped decides to open the box again to try to trade his girlfriend for his own soul. Pinhead says.."No". Takes him and says he'll be back for her because she has his (the boyfriend's) dark seed in her. One of the fathers shoots the boy leaving Pinhead unsated, so he takes mom.

In the end it's just good old sister and a dead father...so what does she do? She reaches for the box to try to open it...right after all this shit that just happened....du du duuuummmm...cliffhanger!!!!!

Run time is about an hour and 10 mins.

Pinhead is not Doug Bradley. Instead it's some fat faced dude.
Instead of sharp hooks and spikes in the "hellworld" they have chains with carabiners and saftey latches...LOL...this was the BEST. A full on close up of a hook with latch and carabiner with a thumb latch.

There is no wonder that Clive Barker wanted nothing to do with this.
Made on an estimated $300,000 it certainly looked like it.

NOT THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN, but I'm sure they will be showing it in hell all the same.

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Tainted87
Tainted87 - 4/19/2012, 10:23 AM
Eh, could just be that my tastes are different, but when I finally got around to watching the first (and later, after much deliberation, the second) Hellraiser movie, I was waiting for something special to happen - and it never did.

It is remarkable, how many cult series and films came out in 1987.
KingLobo
KingLobo - 4/19/2012, 10:56 AM
If you have Netflix you can watch up to VII. (2005)
I think 3 tried to give some answers. If I recall it was pretty cool because it was Hell on Earth and Pinhead and his crew walked around freely.

Then there was Inferno which again if I recall...was the one where they talk about the creation of the box, and history and legacy of the "l'Merchants" who sold the box.

I would certainly love to see a reboot that takes the film and explores everything.
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