Okay, this needs some setting up. Last time I gave my fancast for a classic ‘80s toon that, IMO, is on the verge of getting a modern film adaptation. This week, I cast a live-action version of a ‘90s toon that will never ever happen in a million years. Ladies and gentlemen, CONAN THE ADVENTURER.
It was a fun animated series to be sure, but no Hollywood producer, hell no producer of any kind, will ever say “Hey, we’re gonna do a Conan movie, but instead of the classic gritty bloody Frazetta-style barbarian badass that everybody knows, which has decades worth of material to draw from, let’s do the 90’s watered-down, Saturday morning kid-friendly adaptation! It practically prints its own money!”
But all that aside, it was actually a cool show, with good action and a great mythos, and badass characters that growled all the damn time.
So without further stalling, my picks:
Daniel Cudmore (‘X-Men 3’, The ‘Twilight’ sequels) as CONAN, the mightiest warrior ever!
I sometimes wonder if Cudmore could pull off lead role if given the opportunity. He's certainly got the right look. And size.
Chiwetel Ejiofor (‘Serenity’, ‘Salt’) as ZULA
Mary Elizabeth Winstead (‘Scott Pilgrim vs. the World’) as JEZMINE
Michael Cudlitz (“Southland”) as SNAGG
Naveen Andrews (“Lost”) as GREYWOLF, wizard of Xanthus
Takeshi Kaneshiro (‘Red Cliff’, ‘The Warlords) as FALKENAR, champion of Kusan
Personally, I think Falkenar should’ve been a lady. So for that, I’d pick Grace Park (“Battlestar Galactica”, “Hawaii Five-0”)
As for the bad guys:
Tony Curran (‘Underworld Evolution’) as the cruel wizard WRATH-AMON, leader of the Serpent Men!
Morena Baccarin (“Firefly”, “V”) as treacherous witch MESMIRA
Peter Mensah (‘300’, “Spartacus: Blood and Sand”) as Wrath-Amon's creator and teacher RAMAMON
And last but not least, Ian McDiarmid as EPIMETRIUS THE SAGE
Everyone remembers him as the big boss baddie in STAR WARS, so it'd be cool reversal seeing him play the undead ghostly mentor figure instead.