Mini-Review of Episode II:
I actually really liked how creative most of the concepts of this movie were. They were just executed awfully. Concepts such as the buddy-cop duo of Anakin and Obi-Wan chasing an assassin through Coruscant, Obi-Wan’s detectivesque investigation, Anakin and Padme’s forbidden love in Naboo, Anakin’s hate growing from the murder of his mother, the planet Kamino and the planet Geonosis (both the Colisseum and the final battle) were all really cool and could have added a lot to the Star Wars Universe, but problems such as the infamous casting of Hayden Christensen, complete lack of chemistry between actors, lack of focus, convoluted storyline, overuse of CGI, Jar Jar Binks and just plain bad writing led it to be probably the most disliked Star Wars movie to date.
A few basic changes:
-Replacing SL Jackson with Idris Elba as Windu (Fits the character. I never really liked SLJ's Windu, and Elba would make an awesome wise Jedi).
-Replacing Hayden Christensen with Sebastian Stan. (Hayden's Anakin was just annoying. Sebastian Stan was 17 when Episode 1 came out, he really looks like a likeable young hero like Luke and he also has a darker side as seen on The Winter Soldier).
-Obi Wan is the main character, the hero. He is this trilogy's Luke, while Anakin's story progresses on the background of both trilogies.
-Palpatine is not from Naboo.
Without further ado, here is the story for my version of Star Wars: Episode 2:
Star Wars Episode II: War for the Republic
The movie would start with a battle for a new planet called Emor, one of the last holds of the Republic on the Outer Rim, which would have a very similar vibe to Ancient Rome (with a Coliseum, white temples, etc). There is a lightning storm and Obi-Wan and Anakin are in charge of the Republican forces. They are losing, and the Republicans begin to retreat. Nistan, the King of the planet (played by Charles Dance), refuses to leave, and the Jedi reluctantly agree to let him stay behind. As they approach their ships on a rooftop, Obi-Wan and Anakin face General Grievus, with the rain and lightning above them. The Jedi lose the combat, but they nonetheless manage to escape.
As each Jedi escape on their own ship, they would receive a holographic communication from Yoda. It would be explained that Emor is a very important planet for the Republic as it controls 2 other big planets, Naboo and Nabar. Anakin and Obi-Wan must travel to Naboo and Nabar respectively, and secure their allegiance to the Republic.
Darth Maul arrives at Emor, executes King Nistan in some kind of ceremonial decapitation, and sits on his throne.
Anakin and RQ4 go to Naboo and find Padme there, who assures Anakin that her allegiance was with King Nistan and the Republic. Anakin would stay in Naboo to protect her from local opposers who think it is more convenient for them to swear allegiance to Maul. An assassin tries to kill her, but Anakin stops him, and the 2 youngsters begin to fall in love.
Obi-Wan goes to Nabar. There, he meets with the local leader who dramatically reveals that he backs the Separatists, forcing Obi-Wan to escape. He steals a ship, but as he is getting out of the planet he finds that the ship doesn’t have a Hyperdrive. Chased by the Nabarian forces, he crash-lands on the planet’s moon, Kalator.
Kalator seems like a very deserted, rocky place, and an injured Obi-Wan runs to hide in a cave. But as he walks through the cave, illuminated with his lightsaber, he is surprised by an unusual moloid-looking being. He explains his situation and the moloid agrees to help him with a nod and a whisper, ‘Come’. As the creature leads Obi-Wan through the tunnels, he explains that Kalator is a mine-moon run by Nabar, where millions of slaves mine metal for the Kingdom of Emor. King Nistan was planning to free the slaves, what probably triggered the Separatists of planet Emor to declare war on him.
Obi-Wan and the moloid arrive at a hall where the Jedi is introduced to a dozen moloids sitting around a fire. Obi-Wan decides to stay with them until he recovers from the injuries of the crash land. During this time, he bonds with an old moloid called Dovas, who is eventually revealed to be force-sensitive. Dovas becomes a sort of temporary mentor for Obi-Wan, advising him on the ways of the force. At one point, there is a rock collapse, and Dovas proves his might by lifting a huge rock with the force, surprising Obi-Wan. (The scene would mirror the scene in TESB when Yoda lifts Luke’s ship. Cue 'its like poetry' memes). The Separatists eventually kill Dovas and capture Obi-Wan after he tries to escape.
On Naboo, Anakin is having visions about the death of his mother, and Padme joins him and RQ4 on a trip to Tatooine, to see that she is safe. As they arrive there, the 3 companions find the planet completely dominated by the Separatists. Trying not to be noticed, their ship crash-lands and gets stuck on quicksand. Anakin uses the force (from the dark side because of his anger) to lift the ship out of the quicksand, but when he succeeds, and among the cheers and smiles of his friends, they realize they are surrounded by Separatist forces. Anakin ignites his lightsaber, and holds the Separatists back, while Padme and RQ4 escape in the ship, chased by an enemy ship. Anakin is captured and taken to a concentration camp. There, he finds his mother, who dies in his arms. This pushes Anakin to escape, killing everything on his path, but he soon learns that the Separatists have captured Padme and RQ4, taking them hostage. Anakin surrenders.
We would then catch up on Yoda, Windu and Palpatine on the Jedi Council, discussing about the war. They haven’t had news from either Anakin or Obi-Wan, and they don’t agree on whether they should strike Emor in full force or not.
A month has gone by since the battle of Emor, and Anakin, Padme and RQ4 are taken back to the planet, where Darth Maul has established a game in the Coliseum where captured Jedi are forced to fight giant creatures. At the coliseum they find Obi-Wan, who has been there for several days, and as in the original movie, the heroes would be forced to fight giant creatures.
Eventually, the clone and Jedi armies would arrive, and a massive battle would commence across the city. Anakin would face Grievus and Obi-Wan would face Maul. Both battles would be even and intense. Grievus would defeat Anakin and escape after cutting the Jedi’s arm, but Obi-Wan would defeat and kill Maul, avenging his master. The battle would be a huge victory for the Republic.
As in the original, the movie would end with Anakin marrying Padme in secret.
Some Thoughts:
OK so basically most of the problems with the actual movie would be solved rather simply. Remove Jar Jar, don't cast Christensen, use less CGI, etc. What I did here was just creating a fun story that would serve as a sequel for my remake of Episode 1, in which the Clone Wars already start (for reasons I explain in that article). Here, I take Obi-Wan (the protagonist) on a hero's journey through the depths of a desolate planet to find the force in the unlikeliest of places, and master the strength to finally defeat Darth Maul.
Episode III:
I must admit now that this is exactly what it looks like. After writing Episode 2, I simply lost interest in writing a full, detailed story for Episode 3. I am sorry but I just can't do it. Episode 3 is probably the best of the bad Star Wars movies and the only real problem I have with is Anakin's motivations for turning to the Dark Side. Below is the outline of what I think would have been a perfect finale for the the prequel trilogy:
The movie would be subtitled 'Revenge of the Sith' and it would start with Obi-Wan and Anakin on a secret mission to save Chancellor Palpatine. Palpatine is on a secret base. I imagine this base as a huge tower, half of it submerged on a lake and the other half above it, with the lake surrounded by green grass. The Jedi fight their way through each floor, from top to bottom. This opening would be reminiscent of a classic Bond movie. Instead of Count Dooko, its General Grievus who Anakin kills under Palpatine’s orders. The 2 Jedi and the Chancellor escape the tower swimming to the surface of the lake, using underwater-breathing devices like the ones we saw on the original Episode 1 (basically I am sad I couldn't include those on my version of Episode 1. I loved them and the Bondesque angle they brought to the table). On the surface of the lake, their spaceships are waiting for them, and they head back to Coruscant.
Anakin learns that Padme is pregnant. Obi-Wan leads a battle on Nabar/Kalator while Anakin leads on Tatooine. Here we would see the differences with which each Jedi carries out their respective duties. While Obi-Wan leads prudently and with compassion to his enemies, Anakin leads fiercely as he gets a taste of real power. After victory, Anakin is joined by Palpatine, who fills his head with ideas about the power of the dark side. Palpatine is tasked with the establishment of a new democratic order on Tatooine, but he tells Anakin that if they let the Tatooiners choose, they will just choose slavery again, and that the same will happen with the rest of the galaxy. They need a dictatorship. The rest of the movie would be similar to the original. Anakin reports Palpatine to the Jedi Council, but ends up defending him. He swears allegiance to the Sith, attacks the Jedi Council (he doesn’t actually kill children), and fights Obi-Wan at Mustafar.
Please let me now what you think in the comments below!