Let's see if I have this right: Tampa, otherwise known as "Hollywood on the Hillsborough," is once again about to become the setting for a major motion picture.
Someday, they need to hold a Made-In-Tampa Film Festival so they can bring back some of the greats, such as "Health." That was a lulu. Robert Altman showed up at the Don CeSar with a bunch of actors and no script, thinking that if he had people standing around the pool dressed as fruits and vegetables, it would be funny. It wasn't.
They've been making movies around here for a long time. The most famous probably was "Hell Harbor" back in 1930 with Lupe Velez.
My favorite was "The Norseman" in 1978, starring the Six Million Dollar Man, Lee Majors. In this epic, Vikings looked suspiciously like professional football players, and most of the fun in watching the movie was picking out the phosphate mounds and occasional jet contrails as our heroes fought their way up the river.
Anyhow, the name of the new picture is "The Punisher," and it stars that old favorite Thomas Jane in the title role, with John Travolta as the bad guy.
"The Punisher" doesn't look to be on the same level as, say, "Ben- Hur" or "Lawrence of Arabia," but not because it isn't big.
It is so big, in fact, that the producers are holding an open casting call for about 2,000 extras from noon to 4 p.m. Saturday at The Florida Aquarium.
Time For Your Screen Test
Think about that number, 2,000. That's like getting the entire home crowd at a Devil Rays game.
Still, if you've always wanted that chance to break into the movies, this is it. The woman in charge of casting said: "We need people for lots of scenes through three months of filming." Those who are chosen, she added, "will be seen."
Well, you would think that if they're looking for 2,000 people, your chances of getting picked might be pretty good. But you might want to read the fine print.
The casting people say they are looking for people of all demographics, and that may be true - but the clincher may be whether you own a fancy car.
"We are looking for a few upscale cars," the casting person said. "If your car is a possibility for the film, we will arrange to take a photo of it."
That ought to be a clue that they're more interested in a screen test of your car than of you, but it didn't slow me down.
No Gas Or Air Conditioning
I immediately went through the car inventory at our house.
First I eliminated our boys' cars, which are upscale enough but don't have gas in them. The Frau is driving an exotic foreign car. It is so exotic that the air conditioning hasn't worked for about 100,000 miles, and it has a habit of not running on rainy days.
Then there is "my" car, the minivan. I know there are those who look with some disdain on this sexiest of motorcars. I've heard the remarks, the "soccer mom" thing and all of that. I prefer to think of the minivan as ahead of its time, sort of the "American Idol" of cars.
On the other hand, consider this:
"The Punisher" is the name of the movie. It is based on a Marvel comic book.
What do they have in movies these days instead of plots? They have car chases.
Whose car do you think they will use for those chases around Tampa Bay?
All I'm suggesting is that at the end of the day, be sure you don't leave the keys lying around.