Every year, filmmakers, TV showrunners, and all other sorts of creative types try to catch a big break with something successful, creative, and generally something that will be both a critical and commercial success. While it’s easy to keep writing on how great Star Wars: The Force Awakens was, or how awesome Mad Men was this year; we should remember that now is the time to look back on the year and puke my [frick]ing guts out critically analyze this years [frick]ing atrocities poorly received projects.

So here to kick these mother [frick]ers while they’re down celebrate mediocrity and overall poor attempts, is the first annual GREEN CRAP AWARDS.

The Green Crap Award For ‘Fire Your Agent”

Winner: Johnny Depp (Mortdecai)

Mortdecai once again proves that Johnny Depp will take extravagant amounts of cash if it means he gets to have a silly accent and generally fart around on set. Considering this came out the same year as Black Mass proves that even when being critically praised, Depp still can’t say no to characters with funny behaviours and accents.

The Green Crap Award For “Worst Movie My Wife Took Me To”

Winner: 50 Shades Of Grey

There’s a reason Marvel hasn’t hired CBM’s DrDoom to write a Marvel movie and that’s because 50 Shades Of Grey set a stigma that fan fiction makes for terrible movies. You can laugh at the awful sex scenes, or the gross underestimation of the BDSM community, but at it’s core the film is just a poorly written mess.

The Green Crap Award For ‘Most Unoriginal Film”

Winner: American Ultra

While writer Max Landis infamously said this movie was ‘pretty cool and original’ what is essentially The Big Lebowski meets The Bourne Identity proved that nothing is original in Hollywood, and that calling it as such on social media means nothing to nobody.

The Green Crap Award For “Money Can’t Fix Yo Problems”

Winner: TIE! Max Landis & Josh Trank

It’s not uncommon for a studio to pluck an up and coming writer or director from a small indie flick to make a larger scale film. Most times this works out well, or generally ok, with the case of Max Landis and Josh Trank this went nowhere fast.

Max Landis wrote Chronicle and was given a few new projects to work on. Of his 2015 projects, Victor Frankenstein and American Ultra were critically and commercially a failure. His other smaller projects like Me Him Her and Mr. Right (who stars my buddy Michael Eklund) never made it’s way out of a small theatrical run. Proving that Chronicle was lightning in a bottle for Landis.

His buddy, Josh Trank, also had a spectacularly terrible year. On top of losing directing gigs for a Star Wars spinoff film, an adaptation of Shadow of the Colossus, and a proposed Venom film; the director also released the disaster film of the year, Fan4stic. Trank went from one of the most sought after directors in Hollywood to the punchline of many jokes. Again showing that throwing unknown talent on major projects is not always a safe bet.

The Green Crap Award For “This Movie Is For No One”

Winner: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Kevin James may be a joke these days, but some people apparently would pay to see an overweight man play off of fat jokes for a period longer than five minutes. Those people weren’t enough to save what is a pretty terrible film.

The Green Crap Award For “[frick] Adam Sandler”

Winner: 3 Way TIE! The Cobbler, Pixels, The Ridiculous 6

Remember when Adam Sandler used to have a few good jokes and a funny energy about him? Well that’s gone, and instead you can see an old comedian phone it in for one, two, three terrible comedies all in one year.

The Green Crap Award For “Overstaying Your Welcome”

Winner: Ted 2

The first Ted was a dumb but mildly funny comedy film. The sequel is dull and unimaginative, showing that Seth MacFarlane should’ve stopped at one.

The Grand Master Green Crap Award For “Worst Movie Of The Year”

Winner: Fan4stic

From My Review:

“Deep down I wanted this film to succeed. In all fairness I want to see every comic book movie do well. It's when they're THIS bad that you see the worst parts of the industry. Uninspired, lazy filmmakers only looking to cash a checque and add a notch to their resume. This is the sort of film that just pisses me off, as some bad comic book movies are bad like Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, but at least you can see some elements of passion and drive. There's none of that here, Simon Kinsberg didn't care about this film, Josh Trank easily illustrates that he's terrible once more; and everyone else is probably looking at these two and know nothing about what the film is supposed to be, what it's trying to accomplish, or where it's all going; and ultimately I felt the same way.”