Prelude:
Now, four years ago I returned to UBC from my visit to the family in North Central, Regina. Winter Semester starts in a few days and there's a house party going on. I decide to visit. I see this girl, I decide to hit on her and we're talking right in front of a bedroom. She's digging me, we hear yelling in the bedroom. Some shit's going down, but I'm too invested in this girl (note to people: don't be like me and intervene in these situations). As expected, the door swings open and this douche Mark from my business classes is yelling at a girl inside. The girl throws her high heel and hits him in the temple. He falls backwards and I could have caught him, but I sidestepped, he crumpled to the floor and that was when I made the big mistake: I kept trying to hit on the girl (no, I was not drunk but Mark was). She disgusted, leaves but the girl in the room, although angry, was happy I did not catch Mark. That, comicbookmovie.com, is how I met my girlfriend.
So I watch a lot of movies, my girlfriend knows this. She's a hairstylist and living in Vancouver has done the hair of plenty of television show actors and people in the television industry. Mostly these are background roles or producers and such. Either way, she knows that I love movies and that a reason I've been to California a lot is to watch movies before they come out. My cousins are able to arrange this and took me to the Star Wars: The Force Awakens premiere (I hated that experience though, so) and went to the Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice premiere. I never realized that it kind of agitated her that I would leave to California just to watch movies, but man, ever since January I've been to plenty of early screenings that go on in Vancouver because of my girlfriend. The closest I'd gotten to that is seeing Carlos Valdes outside the set for The Flash while walking to work (I saw him once, I think). So currently I have tickets to Ratchet & Clank and Keanu, I'll probably watch them. A little bit ago, as I posted on this website, I got tickets to Captain America: Civil War but shit. I had work. So my girlfriend gave the tickets to her sister, who took her idiot boyfriend.
Now, before you guy's think my girlfriend's sister is an idiot herself for dating a moron of this magnitude, keep in mind that I mostly don't like this guy for two reasons: 1) he smokes weed; 2) got drunk and threw up on my cousin's Kobes at a party. Other than that, I guess he's fine but he does try to talk street a lot.
His Thoughts:
Now I don't like this mother[frick]er, but he and my girlfriend's sister came to our apartment yesterday. This is a general transcript of what went down.
Me: Hey guys, what's up.
My Girlfriend: Sit down man.
GF's Sister: OMG, Civil War was so good.
Moron: Yeah, it was pretty dope.
Me: How so?
Moron: I mean I'd just puffed a blunt a few hours before, but man, that Black Panther. Hey wasn't your uncle a Black Panther?
Girlfriend: Who was the best part?
GF's Sister: I really liked the Vision, he was so cute and I love seeing his innocent act. It's like an adult baby!
Me: Well, what about Iron Man?
GF's Sister: They shoul've just made this an Iron Man movie, his reasons are so much more justified than Captain America's.
Moron: 'Murika!
GF's Sister: He's not as happy as you'd expect in this movie though, he seems really depressed and you can tell he feels betrayed.
Girlfriend: So he's the bad guy in this?
Moron: Nah, it's that scrawny bitch in glasses - Zemo. I thought he was completely forgetable, probably a cut of the movie that doesn't even have him.
Me: Wait... what?
Moron: Yeah, he's pretty much just there like he's a means to an end, y'know what I'm saying. Like it's almost like they tried to make the villain George Clooney-esque but came out with a Tobey Maguire like guy who you don't even see.
Me: Wait... what?
Moron: C'mon, quit playing playa.
Me: I'm not man, what you just said -
(my girlfriend gives me a stern look telling me to shut the [frick] up - I comply)
GF's Sister: Elizabeth Olsen's hair was so bad though, they need to get a proper hair stylist for her. Like you [my girlfriend]!
Girlfriend: If I could work for Elizabeth Olsen do you think I'd live here?
(at this point my feelings were hurt)
Me: Well, Vancouver is the most expensive city in the world and I have a house getting built.
(my girlfriend looks at me agitated)
Girlfriend: What...? You know what I mean.
Moron: Yeah bro, you're acting like... what's his name... Anthony Mackie does in the movie. Like he's the side piece to Cap's hard on for Bucky.
Me: Anyways... how was Spider-Man?
Moron: He was better than the last guy for sure, but that symbol is way too small. I mean, it just [frick]s with me. Why would they choose a symbol that small.
GF's Sister: I really like that Aunt May was of a reasonable age this time but for Spider-Man himself, I thought he was good but not near Tobey Maguire's level. I mean, he was better than Andrew Garfield but once you look past the novelty, it's an all right performance that's really fun.
Girlfriend: That's the most intelligent thing you've said in your life.
(at this point I remember thinking: WHY IS SHE WITH THIS IDIOT?)
Me: So did anything surprise you?
Girlfriend: Anyways, guys let's go out to Boston Pizza!
Conclusion:
At this point, we left to go to Boston Pizza and I decided I was done talking about this movie with these guys. Now, clearly I paraphrased a lot of what I said there because I didn't record the entire conversation we had. However, if there are two things that I want you take away from this, they would be: 1) make sure you have your girlfriend's permission before you call her sister's boyfriend out on his shit 2) Vision, Black Panther and Spider-Man are amazing.