I know, I know... I said I was gonna take a week or so off, but after a few days I just couldn't stay away.
Over the course of my Zombiegeddon articles I’ve taken you through the theoretical scientifically based possibility of a real life Zombie outbreak, government response to such an epidemic, how to battle the zombie hordes in urban warfare, some of the vehicles and weaponry that would need to be utilized, and how to set up your base for defense. In this article I will explain to you how to take down a zombie permanently if the need should arise. The answer isn’t as simple as you might think.
While movies, comic books, television and the internet may have you believe that you can eliminate a zombie threat by simply shooting or stabbing them in the head, the truth of the matter is that it won’t be that easy. As I explained in my outbreak article, the zombie outbreak will occur do not to the brain itself but rather the brain stem. Actual scientific research has proven that the brain stem lives on for up to 2 weeks after death. It begins growing new stem cells until it finally shuts down. The brain itself never actually reboots, however the brain stem is in the driver seat and is what allows a “zombie” to move and takes it to it’s most basic instinct… to eat .
Shooting or stabbing the brain isn’t going to solve your zombie problem, because the brain isn’t in the driver seat any longer. If you do shoot or stab a zombie in the brain, it’s going to have the same effect as if you just shot them in the chest or shoulder. In order to truly stop a zombie threat, you need to sever the brain stem. To accomplish this, it would require a well placed shot either in the back of the head or diagonally upward through the mouth. Of course there are other ways of severing the brainstem, but those are the two sure fire ways. Other ways include decapitation, a vertical chop through the skull down to the neck, or a lucky shot in just the right place.
Other possibilities of eliminating a zombie threat would be incineration. By setting the blood thirsty corpse on fire, you’ll have a little bit longer to wait before the threat is diminished but it will be well worth it. As the fire engulfs the corpse the skin will begin to burn as the blood boils uncontrollably. Any hair on it’s body will begin to fry as the bones start to weaken. The eyeballs explode and sizzle in their sockets as the tongue expands and fills the mouth and finally rips apart. All the while the brain and stem are slowly baking until the skull can no longer take the pressure and it cracks as brain oozes out. Eventually the stem will be reduced to ash.
Severing the legs won’t eliminate the threat, but it will slow the down so that they’re nothing more than ankle biting snails. How threatening is it to be surrounded by legless zombies who can do nothing more than growl at you and grab? They’ll be so busy trying to reach for you that they’ll only be able to wave their torsos back and forth like an excited dog wagging it’s tail.
Removing their arms won’t eliminate the threat either, but it will keep them from grabbing on to you and securing their food source. They won’t be able to claw at you, and would actually have to move their entire body in order to bite you. If they get knocked down, they won’t be able to push themselves back to their feet rendering them less threatening than a legless zombie.
Crushing zombie hordes is also an effective way of eliminating the threat. A zombie or zombies won’t be very effective with their bones crushed like glass. Have you ever felt threatened at all by a pile of flesh? I didn’t think so. Though crushing them might not re-kill them, it will render them ineffective as a threat and quite funny to tease.
Cement the bastards in history. Literally, find some cement that hasn’t dried and dump it on them. Though it won’t stop them right away, it will slow them down as they slip and slide all over themselves until the concrete hardens, creating a statue that any sculptor would be proud of.
Make the zombie hordes stiff. Freeze them by getting them soaking wet and lock them in the freezer or spray them with liquid nitrogen (if it’s handy). As soon as their frozen, shatter them with a well placed hit by a hammer or shovel.
Kick them into a wood chipper, grinder or anything else that will leave them a harmless puddle on the floor. It’s not rocket science, by grinding them up etc it renders their bodies completely useless and who know you may get lucky and sever their brain stem.
Of course there’s other ways to eliminate zombie threats that might be easier or more gruesome, but these were my favorites.