I realize Legion has been out a while in the states so many of you will either have seen it or already have no intention of seeing it..but its only out in Britain and Ireland so this review will be for...Teabag and Josh I guess! Ah no, we have quite a few European folks here now so this is for you lot.
When the trailers for Legion hit, most of us thought it looked pretty cool..silly, but great fun. And for about 40 mins it is, then it just becomes silly..and shit.
The plot is this. God has grown sick and tired of our war mongering and hatred for each other so sends his heavenly host to wipe us off the face of his Earth and start again from scratch. But his Archangel Michael(Paul Bettany) still sees hope for humanity so he comes to Earth, cuts off his wings and makes himself human, and heads to a cafe in the middle of nowhere to protect a waitress there that is carrying the child that will be our new Messiah...I think. Its never very clear why the child represents humanity's last hope, but then not very much in this movie makes a whole lot of sense. While Mikey is making his way to the diner(its seems to me that NOT cutting off his wings would have gotten him there a lot quicker, and would have allowed to him to be more of a help to the waitress with his Angel super powers..but more on that later) we are introduced to the supporting characters. Dennis Quaid runs the diner with his dim wit son Lucas Black, who pines over said Messiah waitress. Charles S Dutton is the one handed cook, and Tyrese Gibson turns up as a gun toting bad ass that says mother[frick]er a lot. Additional zombie fodder is provided by a bickering couple and their hot daughter. Then granny turns up. Anyone who has seen the trailer know what happens next. various possessed humans turn up and have to be held off by the motley crew at the diner, now joined by Michael and an arsenal of big guns. What follows it a basic siege movie, not unlike John Carpenter used to make(Assault On Precinct 13, Prince Of Darkness) and although its contrived, to a certain point, it works. The characters are pretty one dimensional but they are likable enough, and there is lots of fun to be had watching them blow the shit out of zombies/angels..whatever! But then you realize that this movie has no idea where its heading or why, and the fun is replaced by annoyance. It makes NO sense. I mean, movies can have too much exposition, but not enough can be an even bigger crime. Why does Michael make himself human? Why do the Angels possess weak humans when they could just storm the diner themselves and kill the waitress? Who the Hell knocked up the waitress in the first place and why is her sprog so important? Who handed this screenplay to an 8 year old with a crayon to finish! Seriously, a decent ending can sometimes salvage a bad film, but the end is the worst part of this. The closing voice over is an exact repetition of the opening one..and it was shite the first time. Also, for an R rated movie, it doesn't even pay us the courtesy of being in any way gory!
The biggest victims in all of this are the actors. The performances(aside from Lucas Black and Adrianne Palicki as Charlie(the waitress) are pretty good. Particularly from Dutton and Quaid. Kevin Durand who turns up towards the end as Gabriel steals the movie, and Paul Bettany is as watchable as ever. But its all for nothing because of what they are given to work with.
Legion isn't a total washout, especially if you don't go in expecting much from it, but by the end, even then I think you will be disappointed. After a point, the guns, Angels, explosions etc just get..boring! And that is something that is very hard to accomplish. I hope director Scott Stewart's next CBM with Bettany, Priest, is of a much higher standard.
2 1/2 out of 5 stars.