BELSER MOVIE REVIEWS: “ TRANSFORMERS : AGE OF EXTINCTION” (SPOILER-FREE)
What's up, my peoples? It's your boi " The Belser", back once again to give you folks here at Comicbookmovie.com "that hot jive on the movie side". After the very positive feedback from the first article, I thought I'd come back and see if I can make this a regular thing. Once, if you agree with my assessment, comment below and show some love. If not, KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF. Now......ON WITH THE SHOW, FOLKS.....
Ya know, after a long day at work, there’s nothing like mind-numbing movie mayhem as a nightcap. That plus the fact I got to enjoy at the best theater in San Diego: Cinepolis in La Costa. Leather seats. Beer and food served to you as watch the movie. Well worth the money. As far as the movie goes, it was……adequate. Not a modern day classic by any means but…..adequate.
HERE’S THE STORY
In the years after the last fight between the Autobots and the Decepticons pretty much destroyed Chicago in the last movie(TRANSFORMERS : DARK OF THE MOON in 2011) , the American government has cut the alliance with the Autobots and branded them as fugitives. In fact, a dark ops CIA unit led by a man named Attinger (Kelsey Grammar) has been hunting down the surviving Autobots with the help of a Transformer bounty hunter. At the same time in Texas, a loser robotics inventor Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) buys an old semi-truck, so he can strip it down and sell the parts to pay his bills and put his hot daughter Tessa into college. He finds that the truck is actually a wounded Optimus Prime, undercover from the Feds. In short, The Feds get wind of the Yeagers' farm, operatives show up and all hell breaks loose. Optimus, Cade, Tessa, and her racer boyfriend are on the run and have to meet up with the other Autobots to save Earth from evil.
ACTING
Now let’s be real: these movies are not known for outstanding acting. First off, Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime is THAT DUDE! He’s like Superman, Captain America and Captain Kirk all in one. Just the kind of hero you would follow into battle, no questions asked. The grace, righteousness and nobility in his voice are always inspiring to me. I will say Marky Mark’s unoriginal performance is still a welcome change from Shia Lebeouf as Sam “I don’t know how the hell he landed those two hot chicks in the other movies” Witwicky. Gone are his lame jokes and social awkwardness (Truth be told, I don’t even recall them even mentioning him or his family at all). Marky Mark was the stereotypical “loser who becomes an action hero in crisis” type character. Plus, a Texan with a Boston accent is just comedy to me. Kelsey Grammar does play a pretty good corrupt government agent villain with the whole “I’m doing these evil acts for National Security” bullshit. One flaw is that he walks like he broke his leg throughout the movie (I only mention it because it was pretty distracting). For the female lead, I don’t even bother wanting to know the actress’ name but she fills the “hot chick/bad actress” requirement for these movies. As far the supporting roles go, Tyrese and all the government guys we know are nowhere to be seen. Outside of Stanley Tucci as a selfish business tycoon, nobody really stands out.
DIALOGUE
Come on now. You’ve watched this type of big summer action movies. You know the routine. Overprotective loser dad has a rebellious daughter who treats him like shit until he has to save her life. A bunch of human characters making lame jokes or having way too personal conversations while being attacked by giant robots. Characters developing “action hero” combat skills out of nowhere (a scientist one moment and doing ‘tuck and rolls’ with machine guns the next). Product placements galore (Gucci, Bud Light, Chevrolet, etc.). All these acts destroy any sort of realism to the viewer. The only saving grace is the struggle between the Autobots and Decepticons.
DIRECTION AND SPECIAL EFFECTS
Michael Bay stays true to his work: Everybody is shot from low angles to make them look cool. Hot chicks come outta nowhere. A lot of gunfire. A lot of wanton destruction of property (not as bad as the last one though). In short, he blows a lot of shit up pretty much sums up this movie. All the Autobots and Decepticons looked fantastic. As do the Dino Bots (Not a spoiler. Optimus Prime is clearly seen riding a Dinobot in every trailer and commercial for this movie). All the battles were big and looked expensive.
THE FINAL WORD
Would I go out of my way to watch it again? My honest answer is “No”. When it comes down to it, it’s a summer popcorn movie. Just sit and watch stuff blow up. Laugh at the lame dialogue. Just enjoy the experience. For that, this movie GETS the Belser Seal of Approval.