While the majority of comic book movies gracing the silver screen these days are pretty high caliber and typically very entertaining, we all have stories that we’d give a left nut (if you don’t have that kind of equipment, substitute a body part of your choosing) to see translated to film.
I often find myself drifting off, deep in thought, fantasizing about seeing your mom in a string bikini and...wait. Sorry. Wrong dream.
Anyhoo, I daydream pretty dang often about how cool it would be to see a particular storyline I enjoyed recently made into a movie. This is quite a bit of fun until reality pimp smacks me like a three dollar hooker. That’s when the sad truth that most of these stories will never be made into movies until I’m worm food soaks into my cerebrum.
As I was showering the other day, scrubbing my nether regions furiously, I was contemplating this same daydream again, when I thought of three Marvel movies that I’d do just about anything to see, but probably won’t be made until I’ve kicked the bucket.
Later that same day, as I was watching reruns of Dawson’s Creek and plucking mysterious substances from my belly button, I thought it might be cool to share my list of movies with you, so here I am, once again, whoring myself out for a small smackeral of your attention.
This list is only Marvel movies, but I’ll be doing another piece soon with my list of DC films.
Check it out.
Chris Nolan Punisher Movie
Some things in this universe were simply made for each other. Peanut butter and jelly. Jean Grey and Cyclops. Your dad and a bottle of Jergens lotion.
Christopher Nolan and the Punisher.
You get what I’m saying.
I can’t imagine a better fit for Nolan’s style than the Punisher. This is a character that’s practically begging to be done (not in a pervy way) by the The Dark Knight director.
Nolan has a penchant for taking gritty, dirty, dark characters and really giving their stories emotion, depth, and a bit of post modern realism. Frank Castle being reimagined by Chris Nolan just seems like a no-brainer, especially after seeing what he did with Batman.
The previous Punisher films have not in any way, shape, or form, captured the true essence of Frank Castle, nor explored the depth of his psychological descent into absolute bat-crap crazy psychotic madness.
Nolan could take the rich source material and add layers of humanity that delve deep into Frank’s mind to let you catch a glimpse of a man so damaged and broken inside that the only thing that makes the pain feel better is killing someone.
I’m pretty sure he’d do a good job with the action sequences as well. The only catch here would be that this film MUST have a hard R-rating in order to truly be satisfying.
Civil War
No, not the one from the late 1800s, the one where Tony “Big Government” Stark and his group of freedom-squashing pals goes toe-to-toe with Steve “Liberty for All” Rogers and his band of liberty-loving patriots.
Let’s face it, a movie made from the best Marvel event (in my opinion) in the company’s history would be outstandingly, amazingly, epically, awesomely awesome.
It would be so awesome that the mere mention of the film’s title could cause chicks to spontaneously orgasm at the most inappropriate times, in the most uncomfortable of places.
Like the back of a volkswagen.
Little Mallrats reference there.
A film based on the Civil War event would give Marvel an opportunity to take a more gritty approach with the Avengers instead of the slightly sanitized version we have of the characters now.
The event is full of drama as friends find themselves on opposite sides, fighting as enemies. There are many casualties, along with the typical horrors of a “war,” which blasts the barn door wide open for butt loads of deep, analytical character development.
Action would be unbelievably epic, and the conversations the film would spark in the comic book community would be priceless.
An Honest-to-Goodness Deadpool Movie
I want a real Deadpool movie. Not that generic, awful bull junk they tried to pull with Wolverine: Origins, but a film that actually pulls from the source material and translates the Merc with the Mouth to the big screen in all his outrageously sarcastic glory.
Deadpool is funny as hell, and a movie done right could serve as a great evangelistic opportunity to take adults who aren’t currently into comics and draw them deep into the dark underbelly of comic nerd culture.
This is another film that would absolutely need to have a hard R-rating, as Deadpool is wildly inappropriate with no filter between his brain and his mouth, which is why I love the guy so much. Violence of course would have to be off the charts with its graphic nature, as the sheer ridiculousness of it also adds a layer of hilarity to the whole Deadpool vibe.
Well, there you have it. The list of three movies I want Marvel to make in my lifetime, but they probably won’t.
What about you? What are some comic book movies, Marvel or otherwise, you’d like to see made into a movie, but there’s really no chance in hell of it happening?