Hey, folks. So, I've decided to start a new Feature called Fake News which is sort of like The Onion of CBM. I thought it'd be pretty fun, and you can check out the first "issue" of FN here. I'd also like to open up the fun to you guys! If you have any fake comic news you'd like to see appear as a fake headline, throw it over to me in an email with your CBM username so I can give you credit! And now, the next issue of Fake News!
Storm Still Confused by the Fact Other X-Men Aren't More Impressed by the Fact She Can Change the *ucking Weather
By Ben Urich
Commenting on the current state of the "mutantdom," Storm recently stated in an interview an assertion that is sure to cause quite a stir with her X-Men brethren. "I'm still sort of surprised that no one's stopped and said, 'Hold on. Ororo just made a massive thunderstorm with her mind,' but I guess it comes with the territory." Commenting on her perpetual shock, the African goddess continued, "I mean, I'm not asking people to grovel at my feet. Just that some people realize that my mother*ucking power is that I change the *ucking weather, destroying the plans of hundreds of families wishing to have a sunny picnic that day. Is that so much to ask?"
When the subject was brought up to teammate Bobby Drake, also known as Iceman, Drake confided in me that he, "Has no idea who you're talking about. Are you talking about Susan Storm? Because she can't change the weather."
"I guess I'm just a little tired of proving myself to the people who won't take notice," the superheroine sighed. "It's like every time we're in the thick of battle, there's no 'Thank you' for the massive hurricane that just showed up and obliterated a dozen Sentinels." Storm continued to say, "I mean, it's a pretty intangible power, so it stands apart from everyone else. The other members of the team all have something physical or do their hand-to-hand stuff, or energy projection. I just thought I'd stand out, but I guess no one really gives a *hit." She then broke into tears that caused a waterfall to break into the interview session and destroy the west wing of the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.
OTHER HEADLINES:
Professor X More Pissed Off About the Bald Thing Than the Whole "Forever Paralyzed" Thing: TOP STORY on PAGE 2
GOSSIP MILL: Kitty Pryde Unable To Please a Man Sexually: EXCLUSIVE on PAGE 8
Cyclops Boasts He Has Strongest Eyelids of All Time: STORY on PAGE 12
Wolverine "Not Racist," But "Definitely Hates White People the Most.": INTERVIEW on PAGE 14
X-Men Turned Off By Colossus' Inability to Stop Talking With Heavy Russian Accent; Ask Him to Join Avengers for a While
Magneto Upset That US Election Taking Away Awareness from His "Mutant Superiority" Platform
Northstar Wondering When He'll Actually Be Able to Do Something Awesome Now That He's Been Used to Gather Publicity For Gay Marriage
Juggernaut Wins Seven Consecutive Marathons in Same Day: SPORTS REVIEW on PAGE 18
James Marsden Not Sure He Wants to Return to X-Men Franchise After Filmmakers Portrayed Him as One of the Backstreet Boys
Jean Grey Breaks "Death" Record Previously Held By Optimus Prime; Wonders When Gwen Stacy Will "Stop Being a *****" and Come Back: TOP STORY on PAGE 3