Act 1 scene 8
Huey: now If you’ll excuse me I got a Caucasian mom to talk to.
Riley: You were excused when you were born. And what’s a Caucasian?
Huey: Caucasian is a…is a co-owner of a business that’s Asian.
Riley: Whateva
Huey walks over to the Dubois house. Huey knocks on door. From a side view you
see a white woman with blonde hair stick her head out
Woman: Can I help you?
Huey: Hello are you Mrs. Sarah Dubois?
Sarah: Yes, Yes I am.
Huey: I’m Huey. Is Thomas Dubois in?
Sarah: He’s busy right know. Can I help you.
Huey: Probably not. This is a black thing
Sarah: I’ve been with the NAACP for 15 years. I may be white, but I’ve dealt
with a few “black things” before.
Huey: Ok then. Your daughter Jazmine is suffering from a fatal African American
disease.
Sarah: Oh No! what is it?
Huey: Afro-Denial.
Sarah:…I see…TOM! There’s a black thing here at the door for you.
Tom: Coming honey.
Tom comes up to the door.
Tom: Hey Huey. What’s the matter?
Sarah: He says that Jazmine is infected with Afro-denial.
Tom: What?
Huey: It’s a psycho logical affliction wherein patients exhibit self-delusional
behavior. Believing they have straight-flowing, European supermodel-type hair-
thereby refusing to accept the coarness thickness and/or nappiness of their
actual hair.
Tom: Honey could you leave us alone?
Sarah: Sure! (walks in the house and closes the door)
Tom: Huey, You have to understand that Jazmine is very, very sensitive about her
hair. When she’s her mom’s hair she wonder why her hair isn’t like her. Neither
I nor my wife know what to do with it. We’ve been trying everything to get her
hair strait. Every hair relaxer ever made. Nothing has worked yet.
Huey: hmm…Oh, I got it. Why don’t you try emphasizing the natural beauty of her
African American figures. I mean is there something wrong with afros to you?
Tom: ..Or how about Lye? You know, burn her hair straight, like the old days.
Thanks for the talk you really help Huey.
Huey: But i…
Tom: BY!(walks away and slams the door in Hueys face.)
Huey: Wow
Huey and see’s riley run up in shorts and he pops the fire hydrant, and starts
splashing around in it. A huge crowd of white people circle around him
Riley: Come on white folks. What is you scared. Come on!
Huey: Yo Riley
Riley: Yeah?
Huey: White people got pools ion they backyard.
Riley: Oh…um…go on about y’all business
Act 1 scene 9
Huey walks home. Screen says one month later. It focuses o Woodcrest elementary
school, Ohio. Goes into Hueys Class. The teacher walks in and puts his thing
down
Teacher: Hello Class!
Class: Hello Mr.Petto
Mr.Petto: Ok today class we have a new student. Come in.
A kid comes in with dreads wearing a shirt that says “Mos Def”.
Kid: Um…Hey y’all I’m Michael Caesar, but you can call me Caesar. Aiight then
um..Peace homies.
Mr. Petto: Wait Caesar tell the class where you’re from.
Caesar: Ok I’m from…BROOKLYN!!!... sorry us pee-o-pel from Brooklyn tend to do
that a lot.
Mr. Petto: Ok then. Um take a seat.
Skips to recess. Bell rings all the kids run out of the room except Huey and
Caesar who walk out together in awkward silence.
Caesar: Hey you wit da fro.
Huey: Huh?
Caesar: Yo what’s the deal with this place. Where’s all the black pee-o-pel? Did
the po-po come through and run everyone off?
Huey: There are no other black people out in Woodcrest.
Caesar: Quit playin. Really what is it, is “Rap city” back on B.E.T?
Huey: I’m dead serious.
Caesar: Dang man. That sucks
Huey: Freeman, Huey Freeman. I’d like ta say that I’m real glad that another
brotha is in this place. Where you live?
Caesar: I live down on Notorious B.I.G avenue in Woodcrest.
Huey: Hey I do to! Well really it’s Timid Deer Lane but my brother Riley spray
painted Notorious B.I.G avenue because he didn’t like the name Timid Deer lane.
Caesar: well brotha after school wanna roll with me I got “The Matrix” at my
crib.
Huey: I do like the matrix.
Caesar: I also got the revenge of the sith, but that was wack
Huey: My thoughts exactly. You know, you and I may get along.
Caesar: Yo Huey
Huey: Yeah
Caesar: Dose Woodcrest have a theft problem?
Huey: Woodcrest?! Yeah right. These are the privileged upper-class bourgeois…
the exploiters of the poor. They don’t need to steal. They control the system.
Caesar: Ok! I was just wondering who was trying to steal my little sister’s big
wheel
Huey: Riley!
Caesar: What?
Huey: Riley is my little brother who is a stupid 8 year old kid who thinks he’s
gangster when he’s really just a lame wanna be.
Caesar: I had one of them playa’s up in my hood.
Riley: (walks up) Did someone call my name.
Huey: Caesar this is my little brother Riley.
Caesar: Sup Riley
Riley: Sup man.
Riley: Yo Caesar I heard Yo mamma was Martin Lawrence’s stunt double in big
momma’s house 1 ,2 and 3. And have you noticed they just made the fat suit get
bigga and bigga. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha.
Caesar: And Yo mamma and your breath’s smell like altoids in reverse.
Riley: Yeah well you’re um. Cousin…no..Momma…punk.(walks off.)
Caesar: YEAH! BROOKLYN BABY! WHAT! WHAT!.
Skips to the end of the day. Huey walks in to house.
Granddad: Where were you today boy? You didn’t come home with Riley.
Huey: I was at a friend’s house.
Granddad: You’re friends with a white boy?
Huey: No he’s black. He just, moved here. His name is Michael but everyone calls
him Caesar.
Granddad: Why they call him that?
Huey: His last name is Caesar.
Riley: Y’all guess what happened
Huey: What are you griping about now?
Riley: Man these fools out here is crazy knawmean. You know how fool be bitin
me. Be copying me and my mad styles. They be speaking R Escoenese and they use
my balling techniques. These white folks I saw when i was walkin back from
school was wearing the skully wit da unda-shirt ya knawmean. Or they just go up
and smake fool so dis what happened. They smake this little white girl named
Cindy. So I go up to them and smake em down and then. They get back up and then
Cindy Beat em down. Then she be like “Yall don’t know me. I don’t play dat”. So
then I was like “Whoa white girl I didn’t know you was like that”. She push me
out the way and steal my custom made dog tags.
There was knock on the door and it was Cindy.
Cindy: Hey Riley! I was thinking about the next time we take down some playa
hata’s knawmean. So first we go up to the C.I.A and we like “what Yo secrets”.
And they be like “we not tellin you” and then we like “just tell us or we pull
out the weapons like its December thirty first” and then they like “whoa slow
down” and “we like we gone roll up and hit you where it hurts”. Then we be like
boom boom tatatatatatatatta and then they like “aw no don’t shoot me” then they
be dead. And we be like aw yes.
Riley: And I be like leave cau cau. (Slams the door) See.
Huey: What’s a cau cau?
Riley: It’s my new name for Caucasians. You lied to me they’re not Chinese co -
C.E.O’s that are Asian. They white pee-o-pel.
Act 2 scene 1
Doorbell rings. Granddad gets up to answer. A white man is at the door in a
pinstripe grey suit
Granddad: Can I help you
Man: Well, Hello there I’m Ed Wuncler Sr, the man who owns the bank who owns
your house.
Granddad: Well, Hello There Mr. Wuncler, come right on in.
Wuncler: Why thank you…um... Didn’t catch your name
Granddad: That’s because I didn’t throw it
Wuncler: Ha-Ha-Ha…So
Granddad: Yes?
Wuncler: Your name
Granddad: Oh Robert Freeman.
Wuncler: Well thank you Robert.
Granddad: Have a seat.
Wuncler: (sits on SOFA) Ah this is a nice sofa you got here.
Granddad: Why Yes it is. (Sits down in chair) Now if you don’t mind me asking…
um, why are you here?
Wuncler: Oh I just wanted to see how the neighborhood’s been treating ya. So,
how’s the neighborhood been treating ya?
Granddad: Oh, nice, nice place Mr. Wuncler. Would you like some cheese?
Wuncler: Why yes I would love some cheese.
Granddad: RILEY! GET OUR GOOD CHEESE!
Riley: OK GRANDDAD!
Wuncler: Who’s riley?
Granddad: He’s my youngest grandson. He’s eight.
Wuncler: So are they visiting?
Granddad: Well, if you count visiting living with me since they were 6 and 4
then yes. They are visiting.
Wuncler: Ha-Ha-Ha. You’re funny Robert.
Granddad: RILEY! WHERE IS MY CHEESE?
Riley: I’M GETTING TO IT!
Granddad: WELL HURRY UP!
Wuncler: Sounds like a handful.
Granddad: Yeah it is.
Wuncler: I know you feel I mean. My grandson just got back from the Iraq. I love
him but he’s as dumb as heck.
Granddad: Hee-Hee-Hee. You’re funny Mr. Wuncler
Wuncler: Please call me Ed
Granddad: Alright Ed
Riley: (walks in carrying a platter of American cheese) Ok I got some che-(drops
platter). It’s, It’s…HUEY! (Runs back upstairs)
Riley: (opens bedroom door) Huey. Granddad let the enemy in.
Huey: Which one? We have multiple.
Riley: A…a…a
Huey: Spit it out man!
Riley: a, government man!
Huey: A WHAT!!!
Riley: Yeah. He was wearing a grey pinstripe suit, a white button down shirt,
black dress shoes, a red tie and he had white hair that only covered the bottom
half of his head. Kinda like granddads but even lower. And he was white.
Huey: Get the BB gun with the scope.
Riley pulls out a BBgun from under the bed.
Huey: I meant our NERF gun with the scope not a… YOU GOT A REAL BBGUN!?!
Riley: Yeah so? The second amendment states that I have a right to have guns.
Huey: Yeah. But you have to have a license.
Riley: Oh crap.
Huey: Meh, what the heck. With this we can actually hurt the man. Come on let’s
get to the steps.
Huey and riley run to the steps and point the scopes red laser at Wuncler’s
head. Granddad see’s the laser.
Granddad: Well let’s go to the kitchen and get some more cheese.
Wuncler: Yeah, Let’s do that. Wait I have a few questions for you.
Granddad: Ok.
Wuncler: Are you associated with any Muslims Arabs. People with a chance of
being a terrorist?
Granddad: (Looks at Huey pointing gun right at Wuncler’s head) um…Well
Riley: (comes up with a new platter of cheese.) Sorry for dropping your cheese.
We got American and we got guta.
Wuncler: Hi young man. What’s your name?
Riley: Riley “Escoe” Freeman. All my homies call me Riley Escoe and/or Young
Reezy.
Wuncler: Ok then.
Huey: (gets ready to pull trigger. whispers) Here I go.
Granddad: (Gets in the way of the gun.) Well, it’s been nice. We should get
together again and um, eat more cheese.
Wuncler: you know I like the cut of your Jim Robert. What’re you doing tomorrow?
I’m throwing a garden party for my grandson. You can come if you’d like. Bring
your grandsons to. I got a feeling they’ll like mine.
Granddad: Okee-Dokee. Well see you tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by. Cheers.
(Closes door) few…HUEY!
Act 2 scene 2
Huey and riley are sitting on the couch. While Granddad is holding their gun.
Granddad: It don’t look good for you boys.
Riley: Can I have my gun back.
Granddad pulls the trigger and accidentally shoots Riley.
Riley: AAHHH!! My leg. Granddad you shot me. Son of a… oh crap that hurts.
Granddad: Garden Party? Yeah boy. I’m gone go buy some new sandals and
underwear.
Riley: Granddad shot me. Granddad tried to assassinate me.
Granddad: (looking at Huey) Boy what did I tell ya. This is the new white man.
He owns our house. If you even shot his big toe and all he had to do is put on a
bandage, we would lose our house.
Huey: Granddad I do not sip tea with the enemy.
Riley: *groan* Why Granddad I thought you loved me.
Huey: You can force me to go but you cannot force me to be someone I’m not.
Granddad: Heck Yeah I can. You gonna go, and not embarrass me infront of my NEW,
WHITE, NEIGHBOORS. And if you do I’m gonna beat your but till its redder then
Cherokee Indians.
Riley: Yo, why can’t we be ourselves? Why can’t I go up in that garden party and
say “Hey wasup y’all. I’m Riley Escoe” and why Huey can’t say “Hi my name is
Huey Freeman.” Are you embarrassed by us?
Granddad: Very!
Huey: We never asked to move in with you and your precious little white people.
Granddad: You didn’t ask. But you isn’t the one who risked his life trying to
get rights for us Negros so that we could live amongst these white people.
Huey: Yeah, but did anyone think about our generation? You guys was just angry
the white people wouldn’t let us in. Did you want to live with white people? Did
you want to have kids with a white person? did you want to be friends with a
white person? Did you ever think of that? All your boycotting is just rage
because you don’t get your way, you be like “Oh the white people won’t share,
the way they play their game is not fair” well guess what. I DON’T CARE. You
old folks always saying I risked my butt trying to get white and black people to
get along. Yeah but we didn’t have to. We didn’t have to have all the pain.
Black people are tough, strong, we take charge. We could’ve made our own nation.
The united states of Negroica, or Blackland. You know what I’m saying is true.
That’s what my revolution is about. Telling people the truth. People are just
lazy saying they do something but they never do. When you get them angry they
do something about it. Don’t cover up the truth. Tell us. Where are our Parents?
Granddad: They’re…They’re…GO TO YOUR ROOM HUEY AND YOU TOO RILEY BEFORE I BEAT
YOUR BUTTS THERE.
Huey/Riley: WE HATE YOU GRANDDAD.
Riley: I would rather get shot as many times as gangstalicious has then live
with you for another hour.
Huey: And I’d rather watch B.E.T and Centric for 1200 hours straight then live
with you for another second… Excuse me but I have a year of Black TV to watch.
Granddad: BOYS GET YOUR SORRY BUTTS IN TO YOUR ROOM AND DON’T COME OUT UNTIL I
SAY SO!
Screen fades to black and says next day. Riley and Huey walk down the stairs.
They go outside and get in the car. Granddad lock the house door and then goes
to the car and starts it. Once they pull out of driveway cuts to them pulling up
to the gate at Wunclers house. A very dark black man walks up to them.
Man: What are you Negros doing?
Granddad: we were invited to the garden party.
Man: (speaks in walkie talkie) Code Blue! Code Blue! We got a code blue at the
front gate.
Security: (runs up) what’s the problem this time Ruckus?
Uncle Ruckus: It’s UNCLE Ruckus to you. The problem is we got a bunch of Negros
trying to crash this lovely WHITE garden party.
Security: Those are the Freeman’s, the guest that Mr. Wuncler was talking about.
Go right on in fellas. Excuse Uncle Ruckus.
Uncle Ruckus: Y’all Negros better behave. Always be robbing people. Y’all Negros
only accepted the invitation so you could steel all that good white people can
afford, but no Negros can afford all of that. Negros is as poor as dirt. The
white man has to work on y’all. That’s why Negros lives in the projects.
Huey: Talk about self-hating black men.
I've got game, and the game know game. And right now you ain't looking familiar~Riley Freeman