This week, several of the greatest minds in the Marvel; Universe get together in Peter Parker's basement and have a game of Dungeons and Dragons. The stars this week are, Peter Parker, Reed Richards, Weasel, Beast and Bruce Banner.
Let us begin...
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(Peter is sat at the top of the table, behind the DM screen. Bruce and Hank sit on his left. Reed and Weasel sit on his right).
Peter: Okay, so, you're in a tavern.
Weasel: Oh, how original. Wh y do we always start in taverns?
Beast: Taverns are traditionally related to social contact and job seeking. Plus Bruce always drinks before a campaign.
Bruce: *burrrp* It's not my fault. I need to keep my brain muddled or I might turn mid-session.
Reed: C'mon gents, let Pete continue.
Peter: Thanks Reed. So, in the tavern, there's a great atmosphere, music's playing, lots o' barmaids with low cut dresses.
Weasel crosses his legs.
Beast: I'd like to try and find anyone in the tavern who looks... Out of place.
Peter: Roll perception.
Beast rolls his d20. He gets a 14.
Peter: Okay, with a perception check of 14, you're going to notice a hooded man in the corner of the room. He's kinda got his head down, not paying attention to anything.
Reed: I'd like to go outside and check for odd things.
Weasel: You gotta be more specific.
Peter: Uh, who's the DM here?
Weasel: You.
Peter: Right, so shut the %&$@ up and let me do my job.
Mary Jane: Peter, is that weird guy down there?
Peter: No.
Weasel: Who's the weird guy.
Peter: Deadpool, she hates him.
Weasel: Oh... Uuuh, slight problem on that front.
Peter: You didn't invite 'em?! After last time with the goats and the fishbowl?
Weasel: He promised he'd be good.
Beast: Peter, if we're quick, he might miss half the campaign.
Reed: I concur, we should play faster.
Bruce: I think we should all just sit down and get drunk.
Peter: No, no drunkenness. We're just gonna hope he doesn't show. So, Reed, you go outside. What would you like to look for?
Reed: Hmmm... Are there any shops along the street?
Peter: Yes, there are several.
Beast: Surely my actions are more plot centric. Why deal with Reed when I've found a main plot point.
Peter: Jeez, will you guys let me DM properly for once!
Beast: When you're doing it wrong, you deserve criticism.
Peter: What did you just say, furball?
Beast: What did you call me, punch puller?
Reed: Okay, okay, Pete, go back to Beast's thing.
Peter: No, not until he apologises for calling me bad at DM-ing.
Beast: Apologise for calling me furball.
Peter: No.
Bruce: Can I have sex with one of the barmaids?
Reed: Look, Bruce is already too drunk to play, why don't we just postpone the game 'til tomorrow?
Peter: No! I've been planning this all month! We;re gonna play right now!
There's a knock on the door.
Peter: I'll get it, MJ.
A few moments later, Peter returns with Thor behind him.
Bruce: Hey it's Thor, it's Thor, everybody, it's Thor, ahahaha.
Thor: That man holds his liqour like that of a kitten holds water.
Reed: What brings you here Thor?
Thor: I heard you were playing some sort of game, so I didst decide to come and observe.
Peter: Well, we're at a bit of a dead end.
Thor: Are your imaginations not large enough.
Reed: We are all men of science.
Thor: Come, I'll bring you to a better atmosphere.
He twirls his hammer above his head and in a massive blast of light the group of nerds disappear with the titular hero. ANd when they rematerialise.
Weasel: Is this Asgard?
Thor: Indeed, virgin.
Weasel: I resent that.
Beast: No matter how true it is.
Peter: Great, now my campaign's ruined.
Reed: Look on the bright side, now Deadpool can't play.
Peter: SHIT! What if Dedapool turns up at my house? We've left MJ alone!
Thor: No worries Parker. I shielded the house in case it is targeted by thieves.
Reed: So, what now?
Banner:
Thor: Agreed, Banner, let us find the virgin some wenches to delight!
Weasel's face glows with excitement.
Meanwhile...
Deadpool stands outside Peter's house.
Deadpool: Where the &%$@ are these guys?
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There's some humour here that I find funny 'cause I based it off DnD I've played. So while there's personal stuff, I threw in some casual humour too.
Did you guys enjoy it? Do you have any suggestions for next week's edition? Sound off below!
If that wasn't a good enough laugh for you, check out some of my older Funhouse scripts.