Donald Trump Takes A Side On The BATMAN V SUPERMAN Debate - Who Should Have Won?
Love him or hate him, there's no denying that the Republican presidential frontrunner has had some strong, and oftentimes controversial opinions on everything from gun control to immigration reform, but what are his views on DC's latest big screen debacle? Hear what Trump had to say and more, after the jump.
With Donald Trump surging in the polls and Batman v Superman's aggregated critic score plummeting down to the single digits, it was only a matter of time before these two cultural juggernauts collided. The inevitable nominee of the Republican party has finally weighed in on the age-old question: who would win in a fight between Batman & Superman, and after buying a movie theater to see the film for himself, here's what Trump had to say about his favorite of the two, "He could stand outside of the GCPD and bat-brand somebody, and wouldn't lose any fans." So yes, it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that Donald sides with the living embodiment of a nightmare who envisions an apocalyptic future, but does he feel the same way about Batman's old money rich boy alter ego? "One thing you have to understand is... I'm really rich. I have a lot of money — much more money than Wayne Industries and LexCorp put together, and all of their Turkish Airlines sponsorships put together. Sadly the DCEU is dead, but if I get elected president I'm bringing it back, much bigger and much huger than ever." It sounds like he's the only sensible candidate out there with a plan on how to fix everything, but would the hardcore DC fanatics respond more positively or more negatively to a DC outsider? "Nobody builds better Kryptonite spears than me, believe me, I have the best spears, and I build them very inexpensively." Well he definitely has my vote now.
Then the subject of those online petitions to dethrone Batman v Superman's director came up, to which The Trumpster responded by saying, "I would un-sign that Zack Snyder guy's contract so fast. But the last thing we wanna do is to send his job overseas,” continued Trump. “Because work is often outsourced to other countries, it means Americans lose jobs." He goes on to discuss who might replace Snyder in the director's chair, "I mean, look, do I think George Miller is a great great director? Of course, Fury Road was a huge huge success, and it made him a lotta money. But hey, maybe now he can move back to Australia and direct pig and penguin movies for little kids, if I'm being perfectly honest," Donald Trump (unfortunately) continues. "But as for little Zacky, little Zack Snyder, I say get him outta here! He's a punk! No class at all. Get 'em outta here! Waterboard him." When asked about Wonder Woman's very brief but very memorable appearance in the film, Donald had nothing but positive and intelligent things to say about the Israeli actress who portrays her, "Gal Gadot, lemme tellya, not a pretty woman. My daughter Ivanka has a better body than her, I can guarantee you that." Huh, well that's [frick]ing gross.
As for little Lex Luthor's convoluted plan to resurrect General Zod as a grey, spikey, smashy monster, Trump's reaction to the 3rd act finale actually comes off a bit less harsh than what most critics are saying, "I would bomb the sh*t outta Doomsday. Lemme tellya, we have nukes, we don't use them anymore. It's insane. We're losing. China is beating us, we don't win anymore." It seems like one of Trump's biggest complaints against the movie was the mistreatment and miscasting of Superman, which he claims is an outsourcing of an American icon to a formerly-overweight British guy, "Henry Cavill, very low-energy guy. Worse than Jeb Bush, someone get those guys a Red Bull, very low energy from those two, very low Rotten Tomatoes score. I tellya." Well, it's hard to argue with that logic. Trump was, however, happy to see Superman get the taste slapped out of his mouth by a fellow batsh*t crazy billionaire, even if the fight itself only lasted 10 minutes. "Listen, I love The Dark Knight Returns, incredible book, it's basically the Art of the Deal of graphic novels. Incredible book, and I love Frank Miller and think he's a genius. But if I become president, I promise you this, I'm gonna burn every single copy of All-Star Batman and Robin, I can promise you that much." Well apart from his desire to burn books, I have no idea why Bernie Bros keep comparing him to Hitler.
Meanwhile on the opposite side of the political spectrum, Bernie Sanders has recently seen a bump in the polls when he gained the support of the #BorgLivesMatter movement after he made this statement, "Borg lives matter, of course they matter. I spent 50 years fighting for cyborg rights, and I marched with Marvin the Paranoid Android Jr. in Midway City." Yet when asked how he felt about the Justice League cameos being relegated to archive footage on a computer screen, the Vermont senator replied with, "I am sick and tired of hearing about those damn e-mails!" At which point he unclipped his microphone and left the room, while mumbling to himself about the top 1% of Marvel shills on Rotten Tomatoes controlling 99% of the reviews, but what do you guys think? Cast your votes down in the comments, and don't forget to SCHLONG that like button!