“I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
“That’s half an insult!”
DEADPOOL IN... THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Aragorn was fighting off the Ringwraiths. Frodo was on the ground.
DP: “Yeah! Aragorn! I love you Aragorn! Woo hoo! I’m such a fanboy.”
“Shouldn’t you be helping?”
DP: “Shut up you little hairy elf!”
“I’m a hobbit!”
DP: “I said shut up! Idiot dwarf.”
“I’M NOT A DWARF!”
DP: “Are you a little dwarf-elf? Did your mommy elf meet a dirty dwarf? Did they hit it off while drunk, have you, and then leave you with your elf-uncle Bilbo?”
“My parents died!”
DP: “GOOD! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blown up like that little elf-dwarf bastard.”
“One does not simply walk into Mordor.”
DP: “One does not simply turn off the TV. One does not simply say no to a kitten. One does not simply choose a favorite pokemon. One does not simply throw away the teddy bear. One does not simply get out of the friend zone.”
“Nine companions. So be it. You shall be the fellowship of the Ring.”
DP: “How about Deadpool and his lackey’s?”
“Then you all will be called
“It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill him when he had the chance.”
“Pity? It was pity that stayed his hand. Many that live deserve death.”
DP: “Like me!”
“-ahem- Some that die deserve life.”
DP: “Again. Me.”
“-ahem- Can you give it to them-”
DP: “Yes. With a spicy chimichanga and some doorknobs, anything’s possible!”
“That’s not what I-”
DP: “Nope.”
“But-”
DP: “Magneto, shut up.”
“Magneto?”
DP: “Okay, fine. Erik ‘crazy in the head’ Lensherr... shut the front door...up.”
“You shall not pass!”
Deadpool walks past Gandalf.
DP: “Oh. Uh... were you in the middle of- oh, hey. Fire demon. Looks like Surtur. Y’know, after this one battle, I got him a drink, but apparently it was flammable, so he blew up. Then he destroyed half of New York before Thor got involved. But don’t worry. I made a deal with Mephisto. All I had to do was murder Betty Brant! Whoever she is. Wait, did I actually kill her? I have a picture of the Statue of Liberty's head on my phone. Oh hey, the bridge is crumbling. Oh shiiiiiii-”
“I miss Gandalf.”
DP: “We all do elf-dwarf thingamabob. Especially Patrick Stewart.”
“I heard that there’s an elf-witch in these forests. One look, and you’ll be under her spell.”
DP: “Oh I know what you mean. Up top. C’mon Gims. High five. No? Nothing? Guys? Why are you walking away from me? Don’t leave me alone! Please don’t hurt me Slenderman.”
“And to you Frodo, I give the light of Earendil, our most beloved star. May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”
DP: “What do I get? Do I get some new guns? A sniper rifle? No, wait. I want some licorice! No! Don’t give me the licorice. I am hungry thogh. How about... uh... oh, I got it. A night with-”
“To you I will give this, a bag of our finest elven bread.”
DP: “OH YEAH! Pelvic thrust!”
Urik-hai were swarming the forest. Aragorn was killing many.
Deadpool ran through the forest, firing his guns.
DP: “Yes! Die die die die die!”
One came up behind him, and sliced his head clean off.
DP: “Well... shat. Say, where’s the elf and dwarf? And the elf-dwarf little person creature? And the other one? Seriously. YO, EVERYONE'S DYING OVER HERE! Fark."
He sees his body.
DP: "Woah. I look really good. I should be in an infomercial."
“I’m going alone Sam.”
“Of course you are! And I’m coming with you!”
DP: “Yay, happy ending! Except for Boromir. Who died. But he redeemed himself so yay! Let’s go to Mordor! You’ll probably die. But I won’t! Bloop!”
UP NEXT: The Two Towers
"My precious."
"We all have a precious, right Gollum? Yeah, like my guns."
Until next time,
Comiccow6.