Spider-Man Caught Taking Awesome Pictures of Himself Among City Skyscrapers
By Eddie Brock
Popular “Friendly Neighborhood” icon Spider-Man was caught taking snapshots of himself on Thursday afternoon, high above the city by a police chopper as it attempted to find a criminal on the run in Central Park. As Spider-Man was unavailable for comment, one can only assume that the hero was taking the pictures for a sweet-ass MySpace page that has yet to be found on the Internet, instead of tracking down said criminal in a quick and effective manner.
“We were really surprised to see Spider-Man going back for, I don’t know, six or seven shots. But I guess they could have been blurry, because he was swinging by really fast,” said Officer John Reynolds, who was one of two responding officers in the helicopter. “I bet they’ll make killer screensavers, though.”
The camera, which make and model have yet to be identified, was suspended against the side of one building with one of Spider-Man’s own webs, alluding to the fact that it must have been placed there by the superhero to begin with.
“Maybe they’re just for his mom, or something,” Reynolds continued. “Maybe she’ll put them on the fridge for him.”
Photos of the photos were released today by the Daily Bugle, authored by the Bugle’s own Peter Parker, who could in no, plausible way have anything to do with Spider-Man and was sort of mad that Spider-Man is now taking pictures of himself. “Yeah, Spider-Man is…a douche. Kind of. But maybe we’re being too hard on him.” Parker then broke out in a sweat and was unable to continue the interview, probably due to the fact he has a 12 year-old girl's body if a twelve year old-girl had self-esteem issues and cried too much to do anything about it. He probably shouldn't even have a job here. He sucks.
OTHER HEADLINES:
Joker Says He’s “Totally Kidding” About Plot to Blow Up a Nursery After Plans That Joker Was Planning to Blow Up a Nursery Were Leaked to Gotham PD Yesterday
Nick Fury Would Enjoy Leonardo DiCaprio’s Movies More if He Would “Stop Trusting Women”: REVIEW ON PAGE 19
T’Challa Newest Candidate to Play The BLACK PANTHER in Marvel Studios Film, But is Worried About Getting “Terrence Howarded”: INTERVIEW ON PAGE 6
Superman Finally Comes Out as an Eagle Scout: MORE ON PAGE 12
Aquaman Comic Book Finally Picked Up By Someone Not Trying to Lie To Themselves in Barnes and Noble: EXCLUSIVE ON PAGE 21
That Green Lantern "Totally Not Gay," But Other Green Lantern "Totally Gay.": INTERVIEW WITH BRUCE WAYNE ON PAGE 8
READER EDITORIAL – MATTHEW MURDOCK WRITES ABOUT THE STATE OF THE CITY’S LAW FIRMS: “sjsyetdhidhduystgnncbarwgwjh837hdi sus873upjiu8eyh3jab jsyshenjn6r2r3ehq” MORE ON PAGE 14