BatmanKnight's WTF Review of Clash of The Titans

Let me start be explaining what a WTF review is. Just cause it says WTF doesnt mean the movie is bad. Every movie has had the moment where you're just like WTF. It might be small moments like in a Speilberg or Scorsese, or the whole movie like a Michael Bay or M. Night movie. I'm not just here to bitch about it. I'm here to give you a straight up review while giving you the WTF moments of it all.

Here we go:
--------WARNING SPOILERS BELOW----------------
So COFT. A remake of a total classic. It was originally made in 1981 and every greek mythology enthusiast and overall movie goer admires it as an action filled classic. I saw it when I was 10 and I still remember feeling tense during the Kraken scene. So how does the remake measure up? Well lets analyze it shall we.

So it all starts with this baby in a coffin floating on the water. And he's found by this guy and he takes in the baby. This leads me to WTF moment number one:

"The baby is in a coffin with a woman. The man takes out the baby and is like hell yeah i got a baby. But what about the [frick]en woman. I guess you can say that she was a god or something and he just couldnt see her. But why the [frick] was the woman sleeping. She could have flown over it or been awake holding the baby. No need for her to be asleep."

So then after a nice father son moment where they have the always needed always the same talk about.....destiny. Nice father son moment.

So then 15 or so years later they're on a boat. While these tiny men take out this big as hell statue. This is not a wtf moment because I guess it's possible. So the statue falls in the water Hades gets pissed and comes out to kick some ass. Then he spies Perseus and kills everyone in his family. Perseus foes down to try and save them and fails. Big surprise right? Little guy goes deep into the ocean to save his family and tries breaking the side of the boat and then fails at saving them. WHAT A [frick]EN SURPRISE.

Alright so this army of dudes save him and take him to their palace. Everyones like W(ho)TF is this but everyone shakes it off and treats him like shit.

So this lady begins babbling on about how the gods aren't needed, and how people are the future. So Hades, just after killing bunch of other people comes back and fries this bitch. Then he sees Perseus and is all like "Hey nephew you little [frick]er." Then everyones like DEMIGOD.

Alright so after this begins the voyage to kill the Kraken cause Hades convinces Zues do UNLEASH THE KRAKEN if people don't worship him and sacrifice the princess.

Alright WTF moment number 2
Zues. All mighty god of the world. He has this brother Hades who's all pissed about being in the Underworld and wants to be king. Shouldn't Zues know that Hades isn't exactly happy with him. Shouldn't the all mighty Zues think his brother might try to manipulate him. Instead he's like "Alright lets unleash this mother [frick]er Hades high five."

Back to the review:
So there's a semi-cool moment where Persues sword fights and then this half god half woman joins the voyage and has some neat toys. Ok sounds good. Then this weird burnt man comes from Hell and tries to kill them because Persues is his son of is wife. Ok he's a bad ass who fights even when his arm gets chopped off. And hey, have you ever wished that when you bled, your blood would turn into a Scorpion. Yeah either did I, but this burning man has this magical hell blood and these Scorpions are born from it. This is a WTF Moment number 3 Just why? I know its in the mythos, but why? Why not a dragon, or a lion, or a [frick]en half dragon half lion. No just a huge ass Scorpion that swings its tail....ok


So they're on this adventure and have a very boring fight with some Scorpions and at one moment Perseus gets eaten and then slices out of the Scorpion. Everyone like nice but they're still angry cause he wont use his god powers. fair enough right.


After this they're saved by these tree men that created skin from bark or however the [frick] they explained it.

After while most of the tree men ditch except for one. Kind of stupid. Why did one stay? Why wasn't he like "Alright everyone else left. Maybe I should too. I mean if there's a fire. I'm gonna burn down like...well a tree.

So after a while they go to see these women that see the future and they're all like "Go see Medusa. You'll get killed but whatever." So they go see Medusa.

This leads to a very boring fight where Medusa just stone everyone but of course our hero. Oh yeah by the way the girl wouldn't go inside because she cant. Even though she wouldn't get turned to stone and shes a half god, she didn't go in. WTF moment. Nahhh. We'll save it.

So everyone dies by Persues he gets out and see his woman and then she's tabbed by burn man who just comes out of nowhere. Persues gets all pissed and then fights burn man. They get into a semi-cool fight where Perseus uses the god sword (which he refused to use before cause he wanted to fight the gods as a human...um...ok) and stabs the guy in the chest. If i was him i would think. "Hmm if i would have stabbed this guy with this sword before. I would have more men, and i probably wouldn't be alone. " But he shrugs this off and goes with it.

Alright so these people back at the palace are ready to sacrifice the princess to the Kraken. Shes all hanging from her hands over the ocean. So in comes Perseus flying on the black pegasus(I'm not racist, but shouldn't Pegasus be white) and then flies around the Kraken and goes into the city.
WTF Moment Number 4
So big ass Kraken is UNLEASHED. he all waving his tentacles and smashing the city. Now the princess is hanging over the ocean like. "Ok...it would be nice if someone saved me, but its cool Perseus just fly on your horse. Now this could have gone 3 ways.
A)Kraken sees the woman right in front of her and eats her. Movies over roll credits right?
B)Perseus cuts her down and saves her. And then fights the [frick]en thing.
C)The people who want to sacrifice her just throw her to the Kraken.

Sadly none of these happened. Instead Perseus just flies through the city fighting the little batmen while Kraken just screams like a bitch. Then Perseus goes up to the woman shows the head to Kraken and he dies. VERY anticlimactic. All that just to show Medusas head to the Kraken. Wow. So the woman falls into the water Perseus saves her.

Perseus has a nice moment with Zeus where Zeus asks him to be a god but Perseus is like "Nah man, i'll just be human." Zeus is like alright and lightening bolts away.

Roll credits movies over.

But I gotta say. The Biggest WTF moment was...........................
Sam Worthington as Perseus
He was so bad i almost cried. Dont get me wrong I love Sam Worthington. He was great in Terminator and even better in Avatar, but in this he was just annoying. The guy hardly spoke and when he did it was just cool or corny lines. And when he wasn't talking he let out weird cried. WTF. I know it was also the director who told him to act that way, but come on Sam. Bring something to the role.



Well thats my 2 cents on Clash of the Titans

There are more WTF moments, and if you can figure 'em out post them below.

I give Clash of the Titans

2/5....5/10

Too Harsh? Tell me below