In the dense history of REALLY BAD Cbm’s there are those little glimmers of light that warm our hearts and still make us chuckle. No matter how bad they are we are drawn to them like a magnet as we flip channels. As our mind rots at their sheer ignorance yet we continue to giggle through our tears of disappointment. A good friend of mine classifies these films as “Horribly Wonderful”. So, let’s take a walk down memory lane and see the TOP 5 Comic Book Movies that we all LOVE to HATE!
#5 -
This drab “watered down” version of a great comic is the crux of what BAD Cbm’s are made of. From the horrible acting all the way to the mutant Pig Man (You both twitched and chuckled when I mentioned the Pig didn’t you?) this thing is chock full of bad puns and weak action that makes the fight scenes in (the original) Knight Rider series look like Lord of the Rings! However, we all will have to admit that we still watch it. Whether it’s on TV or we happen to pull the DVD off of our shelves in moment of weakness… there’s just something about it that keeps us coming back for more punishment.
#4 -
Ahhh, this takes me back. I think we can all agree that this movie is horrible but it still makes me smile. It takes me back to a time when the coolest thing on earth was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (classic cartoon series; not the comics). I think that’s still what brings me joy. At the time it just felt like I was watching a “grown up” version of the turtles as I saw this strange Duck man who rather than ate weird pizza actually smoked cigars, drank beer, and crawled up in bed with a pretty human rocker chick at the end of a hard day of saving the universe from Ferris Bueller’s principle.
#3 -
The chick from Point Break wearing punk rock clothes carrying a big gun, driving a big tank, and hanging out with Ice T the Kangaroo man. Well that pretty much sums up what made this movie both Horrible and Wonderful.
#2 -
Well what can we say about Spawn? If ever there was a CBM that deserved a hard “R” it was good old Spawn. So what did we get instead? We got a terrible incarnation that felt (and looked) more like The Toxic Avenger than a Spawn from Hell. We got John Leguizamo instead of a twisted clown that would make Steven King wet his pants. We got a weak PG-13 rating. So why do we still watch it? Well, where else can you see Leguizamo eat a maggot Pizza? And when the Violator smacks the crap out of Mcfarlane it almost feels like retribution for screwing up one of the most anticipated CBM’s of my time.
#1 -
And last but not least we have not just a bad Comic book movie but a bad film all together. There were cheesy costumes, bad sets, horrible special effects, a tired action star, and yep you guessed it; Rob Schnieder. As far away from the Comic as this film was... As bad of a movie as this was... As many brain cells as we lose every time we watch it… We all still trickle in our paints a little every time Stallone yells: “I AM THE LAW!”
We will always hate them… but we will continue to watch them. We will pray for reboots… and when they come we will bash them because we have brainwashed ourselves with the originals.
‘till next time,
Woodinator