Spawn here on a bit of an idea I did when I just bored with some help and ideas of other people, like it, dislike it, whatever you want, if ya like then let me know in the comments whether or not to give this a part 2 on this little story.
MARVEL VS. DC COMPETITION #1:
LEX LUTHOR: I Lex Luthor, criminal genius mastermind shall once again prove my Victorian skills when my team once again defeats that fool Dr.Doom in the only way that truly proves who is number 1:bowling.
GENERAL ZOD: Lex, are you trying to internally monologue again?
LEX LUTHOR: Wait what? Ha don’t be ridiculous Zod, ME? Doing a monologue? How silly of you to think so, I’d never do such a thing.
GENERAL ZOD: kinda sounded like you were trying to monologue how we've never beaten Victor’s team in a bowling match.
LEX LUTHOR: Preposterous my menacingly number 2 film appearing villainous friend, Victor has never beaten us in a game, it comes down to wits and determination and we've got plenty of it.
BANE (back seat): need we mention the time he beat us so bad you left the bowling alley crying looking for kryptonite to kick his ass with and Doom used lead?
LEX LUTHOR: Now I know you’re both lying, Lex Luthor NEVER CRIES!
GENERAL ZOD: What about the time he-
LEX LUTHOR: SILENCE THE BOTH OF YOU! I get enough shit from Brainiac over this you think I want to hear it in a Sedan from vagina face and the guy who was in “Groundhog Day”, now both of you shut up before I turn this car around and we don’t get a happy meal from Mcdonalds on the way home!
GIGANTA: Lex honey, not even a meal for your favorite number one bowler?
LEX LUTHOR: Why of course not my fluffy bunny, always a happy meal for you.
JOKER (TO BANE): Seems she wants the D alright just not from mickey D’s heheheheheheheheheh.
GIGANTA: What was that clown?
JOKER: well my darling, what I said was-
LEX LUTHOR: Hush the both of you, I hear something, sounds like something is melting, does anyone else hear that noise, I hear something sounds like its on fire too.
*LEX LOOKS AT THE TIRE AND SEES IT’S OFF THE CAR*
LEX LUTHOR: Oh god dammit this thing isn’t even insured yet and he wreaks it before I can even get to the alley.
SUPERMAN: Whoa there Rosenbaum just where do you think you’re going?
LEX LUTHOR: None of your business Super douche I’m trying to go bowling with my friends here, right guys?
ZOD: Oh I’m sorry I’m the guy from groundhog Day I can’t do anything about it
BANE: and I thought I had a vagina on my face.
LEX LUTHOR: you still do
*Luthor changes the settings on Bane’s mask from “incoherent” to “Animal noises”*
BANE: Whale noise, dog barking, cat meowing, duck quacking angrily.
*Bane tries to sort out the malfunction*
SUPERMAN: well since I don’t like the majority of you and two of you are my primary villains in the related media to comics
*superman looks at the camera supposedly*
SUPERMAN: starting from action comics #23 and going into superman,
superman 2, Superman IV: Quest for Peace, and probably Man of Steel 2.
SUPERMAN (back at the villains): Then I guess there’s only one logical thing to do here.
LEX LUTHOR: Let us all go like any good superhero would do? Please?
SUPERMAN: and let you all just drive off in peace? No way Jose, this car just became my bitch.
*SUPERMAN FLIPS THE CAR AND CATCHES IT POURS ALL OF THE VILLAINS AND AND SLAMS THE CAR INTO THE GROUND TOTALING IT*
LEX LUTHOR: CURSE YOU SUPERMAN!!
*Superman mimics Luthor in a retarded voice and throws forward a fist, to make the villains flinch and then flies away*
LEX LUTHOR: where the hell were the rest of you guys!
GIGANTA: you told me to shut up.
JOKER: and I thought the whole thing was hilarious.
*Luthor holds his hands in his head and continues walking and the rest of the villains follow him*
*Joker notices Lex is hunched over a bit hands still in his head and can hear him weeping a bit*
JOKER: Hehehehe, Seems like poor ol lexie needs some cheering up.
*Joker walks up to Lex in the same position, hunched over and head in his hands weeping.*
LEX LUTHOR: *sniffle* why are you crying?
JOKER: What? Me? I WASN’T CRYING!!
*The joke makes everyone laugh in the back minus Bane who sounds like a horse*
Lex Luthor: Ugh, get out of here Clown.
JOKER: wha? And to THINK I voted for you! Well I’d never been so disrespected in my entire life! But seriously, you let Giganta in the car and with an arch nemesis like that you don’t insure it? Tsk, tsk.
LEX LUTHOR: Get out of my face Ronald Mcdonald *storms off*.
JOKER: I wasn't in your face. AND THAT’S TWO MCDONALDS REFERENCES FOR YOU TONIGHT SIR!
*WE SKIP TO THE BOWLING ALLEY WHERE THE MARVEL VILLAINS ARE PRACTICING AND LUTHOR’S TEAMS WALKS IN*
DR. DOOM: well look who it is, Lex Doucher and his band of total failures.
Lex Luthor: Yes we get it replacing a person’s name with douche is funny.
DR. DOOM: So are real estate schemes in film but you don’t see me complaining about them now do you?
Lex Luthor: I would make a comeback to that, but Fox holds the rights to it.
Dr. Doom: Funny, hey still spending time fighting one alien, too bad, I would have had him enslaved after one week.
LEX LUTHOR: Oh good one, maybe I should get squirrel girl as a substitute here for my team, she has experience beating you, right Julian?
DR. DOOM: you got me there; tell me you had to run for office right? I cannot be opposed in mine.
LEX LUTHOR: YOU HAVE NO FACE!
DR. DOOM: YOU HAVE NO HAIR LINE!
*both men growl at each other as Deadpool walks by*
DEADPOOL: Whoa cat fight, I got ten bucks on the bald tranny in the left corner.
LEX LUTHOR: Ugh how did you get to be on his team?
DEADPOOL: Because the reader wanted me to be in the story
LEX LUTHOR: Who the hell is the reader?
DEADPOOL: Oh so you know about each other’s movies but the second I break the fourth wall we all got our fingers in our ass and act oblivious. Hmph spoil sports.
*Cyclops bolts through the door of the bowling alley*
CYCLOPS: Guys, I’m ready to bowl!
DEADPOOL: Stop right there tons of fun, this is a villain only joint, so hit the road jack.
CYCLOPS: But I brought my own ball and everything, come on let me bowl!
DEADPOOL: Tell ya what why don’t you go ask your DADDY Wolverine if you can play, he says yes I’ll let you.
CYCLOPS: Fine.
DEADPOOL: and for gods sake would you take out that optic before you come in here, wear a pair of sunglasses or something stinkeye it’s really creeping me the hell out.
*CYCLOPS runs out of the door*
DR. DOOM: God was he that whiny in the movies?
DEADPOOL: well he was in a Bryan singer directed movie, but lets not go there, we’re not out to offend every group out there in this story.
LEX LUTHOR: Yeah whatever that means, I’ll see you on the lanes, JULIAN.
DEADPOOL: See again with the 4th wall breaking going unnoticed doesn’t anybody follow script anymore?
DR. DOOM: Do you ever shut up?
DEADPOOL: I had my mouth sewn shut once….it was horrible.
*CUT TO THE DC SIDE TRYING TO PUT THE NAMES IN THE COMPUTER, BANE IS STILL TRYING TO FIX HIS VOICE AND LUTHOR IS OF COURSE WHINING AGAIN*
LEX LUTHOR: Lex luthor should not be regulated to these kinds of shoes, the kind others have worn before!
BANE: chicken noises, bear growls, and fish noises.
*General zod knocks bane’s voice setting out and his voice goes back to normal*
BANE: Thank you my friend, now for the nachos.
*Bane tries stuffing a nacho into his mouth but he can’t due to the mask in the way and the cheese gets all over his mask*
ZOD: What the hell is the problem now?
BANE: The nachos, I can’t get them in my mask due to the mask, it’s quite angering though.
ZOD: well how the hell do you eat then?
BANE: I DON’T KNOW THE SCRIPT DID NOT CALL FOR ME HAVING TO EAT, SO I CAN’T EXPLAIN TO YOU THE HOPEFULLY MAGIC WAY I’M SUPPOSED TO GET THE DAMN NACHOS INTO MY MOUTH IT’S QUITE FRANKLY IMPOSSIBLE!
BANE: I’m….I’m sorry I didn't mean to snap on you like that.
ZOD: No it’s cool, I understand, being a henchman has got to be a tough life man.
BANE: But I…never mind, let me go check with how joker’s doing on the computer.
*When Bane checks on the computer for the names, he sees in the spot where his name is someone put the word BINO in his place*
BANE: JOKER!!!!
*Bane walks back over to see zod eating a nacho before slapping another one out of his hands*
BANE: when I can eat properly, you have my permission to enjoy the nachos.
GIGANTA: idiots.
*WE SKIP OVER TO THE MARVEL SIDE WHERE EVERYONE IS PRACTICING*
DOOM: fellow bowlers, one of the best examples of how to get a quote “strike” is to simply follow this one word, it’s all in calculation.
MAGNETO: um that’s in a sentence.
DOOM: Dr. Doom does not make mistakes he makes mind typos, but that does not matter, Red Skull, show them how it is done.
RED SKULL: of course Victor.
*Red Skull takes out deadpool’s ball by mistake*
DEADPOOL: WWWWWILLLLLLSSSSSSOOOOONNNN!
*Red skull throws the ball down the lane and hits a strike*
RED SKULL: STEEEEEEEEEEE-REICH!
*Magneto gets extremely pissed*
DR. DOOM: that’s how it’s done the right way, calculation my friends. Now, lets do a head count: Red skull, Erik, Wade, and…wait who are you again?
TREVOR SLATTERY: My name is Trevor, Trevor Slattery.
*DEADPOOL teleports to go get his bowling ball and comes back with it*
DEADPOOL: Now they can’t ever hurt you again Wilson. *cries*
*Back to Trevor and Doom* DOOM: Huh, weird, don’t remember you, well if you’re gonna bowl where the hell is your ball Slattery.
TREVOR: See that’s the weird thing, I think the ball is here but it’s not here.
DR. DOOM: Excuse me what?
TREVOR: Look see, the ball Is HERE, but it’s not directly HERE as in the slot where the balls come out.
DOOM: So you never got your ball then?
TREVOR: No, I got my ball, but like I said it’s here in this building but not HERE in front of us, understand?
DOOM: well not entirely but I can already tell from the beer breathe you’re completely drunk, so go get whatever ball you think is yours and get back here.
*TREVOR WALKS AWAY TO GO GET A BALL AND MAGNETO NOTICES THE BANNER FOR TEAM MARVEL HAS BEEN OVER PAINTED*
MAGNETO: what the hell?
RED SKULL: “Today Is D Day to bowl.”
JOKER: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
*Magneto breaks out in tears from laughter at the banner before red Skull throws a ball and hits Magneto in the stomach*
DEADPOOL: well that went about the third way I expected that joke to end.
RED SKULL: Good job on those ball handling skills Erik, seems like you, concentrated.
*Joker and Red Skull laugh in unison while Erik stares at Red Skull amazed by what he just heard before turning red faced and grabbing a ball before Dr. Doom stops him*
DOOM : Erik! We need a fifth team member, and by god despite that joke being hilarious you are NOT allowed to cave in Red Skull’s head, now, Lets NOT do this again.
DEADPOOL: yeah this isn’t that type of fan fic! I mean there aren’t even any pictures to go along with the action scene man!
*Magneto sits down next to Red Skull who’s trying very hard to contain his laughter*
DR. DOOM *facepalms*: I’ve seen better teamwork in riots.