Many comic book fans are infuriated every week as more interviews from the cast of
Akira 2: Attack of the Doom Blogger are revealed. The latest news that Doctor Doom will be an anti-social programmer has flipped comic book fans around the world on their heads and has them pleading with the comic gods for relief from the scourge that is upon them.
First, I want to say that Josh Trank is not a bad director; I just don’t believe he is the right director for this movie. His work on
Akira was actually pretty good and I enjoyed the movie for what it tried to be. But his latest outing,
Chronicle 2: Containment Suits, will more than likely be his ultimate downfall. He just doesn’t have the stylistic qualities needed for Marvel’s First Family. If he is given a Star Wars property down the road, I would actually be okay with that because Disney makes sure you stick to the source material for the most part.
In this article I will completely recast the director and crucial roles that will make this movie a complete success and make fanboys happy across the world.
Director: Uwe Boll
Now this will be a huge step up from director Josh Trank, and if not a huge step up at least I can guarantee Uwe Boll will be more faithful to the source material. His faithful adaption to video games like
House of the Dead,
Alone in the Dark,
Postal and all three
BloodRaynes would make Boll an outstanding fit for the start of FOX’s new franchise. I mean this is the director who made Burt Reynolds a convincing king in
In the Name of the King, another fantastic video game to movie masterpiece. I would be very excited to see what he can pull off with the kind of money FOX will invest in Boll KG, because the shootout scenes he would add to the
Fantastic Four would be absolutely exhilarating.
Reed Richards: Brad Garrett
I know a lot of criticism has been given to FOX for going with a young inexperienced version of Mr. Fantastic. I completely agree with that sentiment and I have the perfect solution, Brad Garrett. You may remember him already playing a super genius in successful shows such as,
Everybody Loves Raymond or the even more successful,
How to Live with Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life). He has a certain intellectual prowess that you must have playing Reed Richards and his stoic look will make a believer of fans everywhere. Since FOX is set on going with a gritty interpretation of
FF, look no further to Garrett’s role as The Giant in
Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil and you will understand what I mean.
Sue Storm: Rebel Wilson
This would be a huge win not only for the role of Sue Storm but for women everywhere. Who needs a skinny mini Invisible Woman when you can have a beautiful curvaceous actress like Rebel Wilson in the titular role? She has garnered a lot of eyes from her outstanding performances in
Pitch Perfect and
Bridesmaids, both of which I squealed with delight after I watched them. I also remember watching an episode of the long running series,
Super Fun Night, and saying to myself, yes, that is Sue Storm.
Johnny Storm: Kevin Hart
I am all for FOX’s daring move to change the ethnicity of the Human Torch to African American, but when I saw it would be Michael B. Jordan I cringed inside. This role needs somebody with a better physical presence in front of the camera and better comedic timing. Kevin Hart would give you both emphatically. I just think back to movies like,
Think Like a Man,
Think Like a Man Too,
Ride Along and his most important movie to date,
Epic Movie, and it makes my decision epically clear (pun intended). And once again since FOX wants to go the gritty route, who better to enlist than someone who lives his life gritty everyday in front of the camera in his own reality show,
The Real Husbands of Hollywood.
Ben Grimm: Steve Buscemi
This may actually be the perfect fit for a role I have seen in a long time. Not only is he the perfect actor to voice, The Thing, but FOX could save on the CGI effects and use practical effects because of the physical prowess of Steve Buscemi. We all know Buscemi’s gritty role as Nucky Thompson in HBO’s
Boardwalk Empire but I look to roles in movies like
Billy Madison,
The Wedding Singer,
Big Daddy and
Mr. Deeds that give me the confidence that he can play The Thing with no problems.
Doctor Doom: Verne Troyer
You know when I said that Steve Buscemi was the perfect fit for a role for anything I had seen in a long time? Scratch that. THIS is the perfect role for anything I have seen in a long time. FOX seemed set on giving Michael B. Jordan the role of Johnny Storm because he had worked on
Akira with Josh Trank and they have a great working relationship. Then why not do the same here with Verne Troyer and Uwe Boll? Troyer killed it playing himself in the box office smash,
Postal (which Boll directed), and his evil turn as Mini-Me in the
Austin Powers franchise just screams Victor Von Doom. Besides, FOX could again save money as they wouldn’t have to adjust the Doctor Doom suit they currently have in place, it seems big enough to accommodate Verne Troyer’s massive frame just fine.
In closing, I hope FOX will take a close look at what they have decided and then consider what I have suggested. I want Marvel’s First Family to succeed…don’t you?