Top 10 Angriest Superheroes
by
Brian VanHooker
Turtle with Lemonade Productions
www.turtlewithlemonade.com
Copyright 2012
10. Raphael
Triggers: bugs; evil foot ninjas; triceratops aliens; disembodied brains; idiotic mutant rhinos and warthogs; his brother Leonardo being bossy; the movie "Critters"; pizza delivery boys who don't make it in 30 minutes or less; men who resemble cheese graters
Angriest Freakout: In the miniseries Bodycount, Raphael, along with his pal Casey Jones, maim, murder and maul countless thugs in a comic which is described as having the longest running gun battle in comics. He also uses an Uzi and blows people up with a grenade.
For a group of genetic mutants who are forced to live in the sewers and hide from society, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are actually pretty well adjusted, with one exception: Raphael. Raph is regularly feuding with his brother Leonardo, whom he resents because he thinks he'd be a better leader. He often rushes headstrong into fights and can become very violent. He also hates it when his father gets kidnapped, that really gets him going. Maybe its being an outcast that fuels Raphael's rage, or maybe it's nothing more complicated than him being a frustrated teenager, with weird feelings about girls, acne, and new hair under his shell.
9. The Thing
Triggers: scientific mumbo-jumbo; Johnny Storm dating his girlfriend; mole men; metal-faced dictators; the Hulk; cosmic radiation; people making fun of him for recording the "It's Clobberin' Time" music video
Angriest Freakout: In 2005, when he saw "Fantastic 4" in theaters.
How would you feel if one weekend you decided to hangout with your best friend but instead of cook hotdogs and watch football, you got zapped with cosmic rays and became a giant orange rock monster? Ben Grimm used to be a pretty normal, even-tempered guy, but when he got transformed into The Thing he got a little short on patience. He's now got Skrulls and Doombots trying to kill him every time he turns around, his best friend keeps promising he can cure him but never succeeds, and the only girl who would date him is blind. No wonder this guy wants to clobber everybody.
8. Blade
Triggers: vampires; vampires; vampires; and the IRS
Angriest Freakout: In the first “Blade” film, the fight scene in the bathhouse. Check it out.
Blade has been angry about vampires pretty much since birth. His mom was a prostitute back in the 1920's and she needed some help when she was about to give birth. So, a guy who said he was a doctor began helping her deliver, but halfway through the birth he revealed himself as a vampire and bit Blade's mother. As a result, Blade became a half-vampire, or, a 'Daywalker.' Now, you'd think Blade would be grateful, sure they killed his mom, but he became endowed with super strength, a long life and cool-looking teeth, all of the good stuff about being a vampire with none of the drawbacks. But rather than be thankful, Blade is bitter and has vowed to rid the world of vampires. One would only wish he'd take a trip over to Forks, Washington to do away with the "Twilight" crowd.
7. Ant-Man
Triggers: people not recognizing his brilliance; making fun of his powers; sticking to just one superhero alter-ego; raid; his wife nagging him
Angriest Freakout: A domestic dispute in Ultimates # 6 between him and his wife, the Wasp, ends with him spraying her with bug spray.
Ant-Man is absolutely one of Marvel's most disturbed, frustrated characters, good or evil. He's petty, arrogant, insecure, abusive and definitely angry. He's a brilliant guy, he discovered a way to shrink and grow himself and control ants with his mind, but somehow he always felt slighted or unrecognized. He got sick of people making comparisons to him with "Atom Ant" so he renamed himself Giant Man. That wasn't taken seriously enough either, so he became Goliath and also Yellowjacket, but no matter what tights he was wearing, he never felt he got the credit he deserved, so he became abusive to his wife and even built a robot to attack his fellow avengers. A very angry dude.
6. Batman
Triggers: crime; injustice; corrupt police officers; killing innocent civilians; killing his parents; killing Robin with a crowbar; breaking his back; the shoddy security at Arkham Asylum; Superman's altruism; when people make gay jokes about him and Robin; smiling fish
Angriest Freakout: In Hush, Batman is tricked by the Joker into thinking the Joker has killed his childhood best friend. Batman decides to break his code and beat the Joker to death, and is only stopped at the last minute by Commissioner Gordon.
When Bruce Wayne was just a little kid, some thug in an alley mugged and murdered his parents, and Bruce took it pretty hard. Gotham City is a dangerous place, and one would think the richest people in Gotham would be smart enough not to hang out in a place called "Crime Alley" in the middle of the night, but they did and they died and Bruce has been angry ever since. But rather than meditate or listen to some soft music, Batman vents his anger by beating the crap out of the criminals in Gotham who prey upon the innocent. Batman has always been angry, and will always be angry; it's his anger that keeps him going.
5. Rorschach
Triggers: murderers; rapists; pedophiles; sellouts; psychiatrists; whores; politicians; guard dogs; showers
Angriest Freakout: In Chapter VI of Watchmen, Rorschach chops two dogs to death with a meat cleaver.
The world of the Watchmen is an angry place, and Rorschach is just about the angriest guy in it, after Richard Nixon. Rorschach started off his life being abused by his prostitute mother, then later on, became so disillusioned with the decline of society, he decided to wear a mask that he refers to as his "face" and unleash all of his anger upon those who victimize society. Even after the government outlawed superheroes, Rorschach continued his angry crusade as a one-man fight against evil. When he's not busting heads or breaking fingers, Rorschach spends his time as a smelly hobo who carries a sign reading "The End is Nigh." The problem is that nobody listens to Rorschach, and he's pretty upset about it.
4. Wolverine
Triggers: guys with laser eyes; grafting a layer of Adamantium to his skeleton; removing the aforementioned layer of Adamantium from his skeleton; dystopian futures; murdering his entire family; shaving; people making fun of his hair
Angriest Freakout: When the X-men were kidnapped in Uncanny X-Men #133, Wolverine sneaks into the Hellfire Club through the sewers then murders guard after guard to save them. It was the breakout moment for the character.
With an estimated age of about 120 years old, Wolverine has taken the cranky-old-man persona to the extreme. Rather than just yell at young people and complain about their loud music, Wolverine has been known to rip people to shreds. Maybe it's the fact that he's a social outcast, or maybe it's because he was experimented on by Canadian scientists, or perhaps it's the fact that somebody thought it'd be fun to coat all of his bones in metal like an m&m with it's hard candy shell, or it could be that people keep murdering his family, or it's because that Sabretooth guy never leaves him alone, or maybe it's just that that tight yellow costume bunches in all the wrong places, whatever it is that's bugging him, Wolverine certainly has a lot of anger issues.
3. Spawn
Triggers: friends who marry his wife; the devil; God; cyborg gorillas; clowns; Batman; Dante's Inferno; friendly fire; HBO executives who cancelled his show
Angriest Freakout: Spawn #100, when he kills the devil himself, Malebolgia.
Sure, Spawn is angry, but he has every right to be. First, he decides he wants to serve his country and signs up for the Marines. He rises through the ranks and becomes a very respected officer, but is later killed by his own men. Then, even though he was just following orders, he is sent to Hell for being an assassin. Once there, he makes a deal with the devil (well, kind of the devil, Malebolgia is one of the lords of one of the levels of Hell, but it's very complicated so we won't get into that). Anyway, he makes a deal to go back to Earth to see his wife one last time, but once he gets there, it's five years since he passed, his wife has a new family with his best friend and his face looks like a meatloaf. Now he's a servant of Hell and is constantly battling to break free of his slavery... wouldn't all that piss you off?
2. Punisher
Triggers: thugs; gangsters; mobsters; fatty foods; Viet Cong; Dolph Lundgren
Angriest Freakout: In The Beginning is a story that has Punisher's ex-partner sell him out to the mob. Punisher mows down more mobsters than you can count and even shoots an old man in a wheelchair in the face.
The Punisher has had a chip on his shoulder ever since his family was murdered on a sunny afternoon as they walked through Central Park. Since then, he's been out for blood. He's built up an arsenal second only to the entire U.S. Military, and now he goes around killing every gang member or mobster he can get his hands on, as well as anyone else he deems as a bad guy. He even tried to kill Spider-Man! Punisher is a guy who would definitely benefit from some anger management, unless, of course, the other group members annoyed him and he blew them up.
1. Hulk
Triggers: flat tires; bullies; gamma-radiated dogs; other colored Hulks; the U.S. Army; having guns shot at him; having missiles fired at him; having grenades thrown at him; generals with mustaches; non-stretchy pants
Angriest Freakout: In Ultimates #4, when he rips New York City to shreds, killing hundreds of people and eating some of them too.
Of course Hulk is the angriest hero! Who else could it be? Freud would have a field day examining Dr. Bruce Banner, provided he didn't piss him off and get eaten by him. He was abused and neglected by his father as a child and grew up to be an awkward, withdrawn, insecure scientist. Bruce Banner thought so little of himself he seemed to have no problem using himself as a test subject, which led to his transformation into the Hulk. His warning of "Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry" gives you an idea of just how angry the Hulk can be. In fits of rage he's been known to smash tanks, level cities and kick the crap out of his fellow Avengers. Tony Stark even had to build a special Iron Man armor to deal with him when he freaks out. Hulk is, and always will be the angriest superhero, because, if some other, angrier hero came along, Hulk would just get angrier, grow bigger and smash him to pieces.