Probably the worst part out of being a comic book fan is dealing with the endless barrage of bad comic book movies. The good list is far smaller then the baddies, and we here at SuperHeroStuff.com had a lot of fun coming up with this list. Oddly enough, there are a lot of discrepancies in what movies are bad and what are good. Some of us hate a movie, while the others like it. So the best way for us to resolve our little disputes is to toss the ball to you people, o humble denizens of the intarwebs. This list is by no means complete, though it is certainly...mind numbing; and on that not, on guard! Hide the children, lock the doors, and shut your eyes!
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Nick Fury Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D
Oh, David Hasselhoff, where would we be without you? After making Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, I can see how his daughter managed to film him getting drunk on the living room floor while greedily devouring a double cheeseburger. There isn't any amount of fast food that will forgive this travesty, comrade Hasselhoff. The major gripes with this movie seem to be the absolute terrible job of casting. Hasselhoff saves people on beaches, not Manhattan from HYDRA and their cheeky little men in black. Maybe we'll get lucky and the Friar's Roast of Hasselhoff will pick on this ripe little cherry!
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The Punisher
What about the first Punisher movie, the one with Dolph Lundgren, SuperHeroStuff.Com? Patience, patience party people! I was getting to that! This movie kept coming up in our conversations, and mainly because of the terrible acting, sets, and worst of all, perpetual state of voice over. It's like we are being read a twisted bedtime story by a monotone psycho. No quintessential white skull either! We might as well make a Batman movie where he just wears a trench coat or a Superman movie where he's flipping fries at McDonald's.
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Catwoman
The name alone reminds people of the abstract terror of Halle Barry prancing around with Sharon Stone. Perhaps you guys didn't get enough of Barry in Swordfish, or maybe the good directors of Catwoman thought Halle could keep the movie afloat. They couldn't have been more wrong. This is one of those kinds of movies where everything is just bad. They could've given us the money used on that movie and we could've made a movie 100 times better; hell, anybody could! I sometimes wonder if anybody reads scripts in Hollywood, or if they just look at the title and who has already been casted. Catwoman is proof that a movie with 'stars' is not enough to make it good!
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Ghost Rider
Speaking of failed star power, and I may catch some flak for this because I already have from the peanut gallery here, is Ghost Rider. Yeah, I’m talking that one that just came out a few years ago, the one with Nick Cage and that crazy kid from American Beauty. That floaty bag sure messed that kid up something fierce in my opinion! I felt like the acting was terrible, and somebody really should've taken a look at that script. Concept wise, sure, not bad. Entire package wise? I'm sure even the most dedicated Ghost Rider fan was at the very least 'slightly' disappointed. They could've really made that movie good, but instead we get actors firing cheesy one liners at each other. Perhaps I've missed the mark, maybe I just don't know what the Ghost Rider is all about, but if he's to take the wicked back to hell, go find the writers / producers / directors.
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Superman IV and Supergirl
I'm going to combine these next two into one section, and this one is penance for my hatred towards the Ghost Rider. Superman 4 (you know, the one with the Nuclear Man who scratches the hell out of Superman) and Supergirl! I liked both of these movies, but as it has been explained to me, it was probably because I was like 5 when I first saw them (child of the 80s, yo). Going back and watching scenes these days, and you really do realize how bad the acting and writing really was. One of my favorite lines from Supergirl is when she confusedly asks two would be therapists (I'll take the Rapist for 500) why they do such things. Their response? "Because that's what we do". BRILLIANT! What about Superman 4? Good ol' Lex Luthor hooks up some plasma and a nuclear bomb and gets Superman to shake it and he has the antithesis to Superman. And not only can he stand toe to toe with Superman, but that boy has him some infected-ass fingernails. Who would've thought somebody who didn't wash their hands would bring down Superman? As they say they in the video game world, "Fail".
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Steel
Ok, now we'll get back to the most straight up bad movies. You know what mixes really well? Shaq and Steel. Do I even need to say anything else?
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Batman and Robin
And for our big scary movie, we've picked BATMAN AND ROBIN! I think everybody kind of marks this movie as the death of the old Batman series. Some of us liked Batman Forever, but nobody, NOBODY, likes Batman and Robin. I mean, it is super fun to quote, but not in the good way. More like the bad way where it is just so ridiculous. I feel like they tried to capture the essence of the 60s television show and through it into some matrix-action. It didn't not bode well for Movie Theater goers, and I would’ve been sorely disappointed had I dropped 10 dollars to see that badboy. Any of you have the misfortunate of seeing it in the theater, or anybody got the guts to claim you liked this movie?
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Remember kiddies, stay away from the light and Joel Schumacher.