The other day I was watching Thor when I realized something, Breaking Bad is in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Some of you might be having trouble comprehending this due to the fact that your mind has been blown. Walter White has been on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar for quite sometime as would have been seen in the canceled Marvel One-Shot "A funny thing happened on the way to Los Pollos Hermanos." Which depicted Agent Coulson and Agent Sitwell going to New Mexico to score a bag of Heisenberg's signature blue meth. The One-Shot was scrapped out of respect for the Frost Giants who developed a severe meth addiction after being left unemployed due to Joutenheim getting destroyed.
Another movie that I recently watched that is part of the MCU is Kick-Ass 1&2. I'll give you a moment to put your socks back on before I dive into this one, somewhere in between Kick-Ass 1&2 Todd went missing and was replaced with an imposter. Where'd he go? Into the X-Men universe. How is that possible? Thanos and the Reality Stone. But enough FuX-Men crap, lets start at the end of Kick-Ass 2. After the Toxic Mega Who-Hah's were defeated, Dave and Mindy went their separate ways, Dave started training again and Hit-Girl got transferred via Reality Stone to the MCU and due to a Terrigenesis cloud she became the Scarlet Witch. Kick-Ass has now come to realize that he is in love with Hit-Girl and sets out to find her when he gets sucked into the Reality Portal also passing through a Terrigenesis cloud becoming Quicksilver. Dave and Mindy eventually meet up (and get down ;-) Nine months later, a deformed bundle of horror pops out of Mindy. Confused by what is going on, Dave walks out into the hospital's hallway to see Heimdall standing beside him, Heimdall tells Dave that in this universe, he and Mindy share the same DNA which means they are siblings. This news makes Dave feel sick as he runs out of the building at Mach 5 speed. Heimdall goes into the room where Mindy has already figured it out and is in the middle of a mental breakdown when a giant flying alien zooms by the window. "This ends now!" She hysterically proclaims as she grabs her child and throws it out the window into the alien whale's mouth. She then looks at the devastation caused by the Chitauri as she sends out a mental EMP signal to the Chitauri which causes them to all die at once.
Stayed tuned for next week's editorial: "Is your dog auditioning for the role of Krypto in Man of Steel 2?"