Before you get too angry at the title of this feature, we're in full agreement that Spider-Man: No Way Home is a great movie. In fact, it's up there as one of the best Marvel Comics adaptations to ever grace the big scree - but that doesn't mean we wouldn't make a handful of minor improvements.
With a movie like this one, it's always going to be impossible to make everyone happy, and we get that. However, the threequel did make some creative decisions that ultimately disappointed fans, and it's those we'll be taking a closer look at today.
By no means are we tearing into Spider-Man: No Way Home (it's bad enough it was snubbed at the Oscars this weekend), and once we explain why it was a mistake to destroy the Green Goblin's mask and not make a bigger deal out of the arrival of a couple of certain Spider-Men, we think you'll agree that even Marvel Studios made some minor blunders in the blockbuster adventure.
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8. Where's The Green Goblin's Mask?
A recent VFX reel revealed that it was originally Spider-Man who destroyed the Green Goblin's mask during a battle on that bridge. As a result, we can't help but think including the fight scene could go some way towards better explaining the Goblin's intense hatred for the MCU's Peter Parker.
Still, the scene we got wasn't too bad, and it provided an explanation for the Goblin's missing mask (who knows, perhaps someone else will stumble across its shattered remains?). Even taking that into account, it was a real disappointment not to see Norman Osborn head into the final battle with a mask; a pair of goggles didn't have the same impact and, honestly, looked a little lame.
Getting to see more of Willem Dafoe's superb performance was welcomed, but concept art showing the Goblin with a repaired mask proves we missed out on something really special here. It's a minor niggle, but would have really completed the villain's look.
7. Venom Gets Sidelined
We're not going to say Venom: Let There Be Carnage's mid-credits scene was pointless, but...well, it kind of was, wasn't it? Eddie Brock being pulled into the MCU felt significant on a number of levels, and while we never expected him to have a major role in Spider-Man: No Way Home, the anticipation was that he might stick around for more than just another post-credits stinger!
Unfortunately, Tom Hardy's Venom left the MCU as quickly as he arrived, and never once crossed paths with Tom Holland's wall-crawler. While part of his symbiote being left behind seems to be setting the stage for something down the line, we can't help but feel underwhelmed by all this.
After all, would it really have been so hard to have Venom be among those captured by Doctor Strange in the Sanctum Sanctorum? The cure could have entailed Peter trying to make it so that the alien can operate independently of Eddie, and throwing him into the madness of that final battle had some real potential (and would likely have led to Venom finally getting his familiar chest logo).
6. Show, Don't Tell
There was only ever going to be a certain amount of room for characters in Spider-Man: No Way Home, but the fact that we didn't get to visit this Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man's world was still a real disappointment. Yes, he told the Amazing Spider-Man that he got a happy ending with his Mary Jane, but how much cooler would it have been to catch a quick glimpse of their family life?
Now, there's every possibility that Marvel Studios and Sony Pictures didn't want to waste a cameo that can be better explored in the future. We can't say for sure, though, and devoting a post-credits scene to "Spider-Man 4" would have made fans a lot happier than a teaser trailer.
It's worth pointing out tha the sneak peek in question was for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, a movie we may get this scene in. If so, all is forgiven, but we're not banking on it. On the plus side, what became of the other Spider-Man was addressed in a more satisfying manner.
5. Sandman And The Lizard Underwhelm
It feels like there's probably a fascinating story out there about how Spider-Man: No Way Home was made, but it's one we're unlikely to ever be privy to as fans. While Rhys Ifans and Thomas Haden Church reprised their respective roles as The Lizard and Sandman, neither actor was ever on set and footage from The Amazing Spider-Man and Spider-Man 3 was used for their "human" scenes.
COVID and scheduling issues can probably be blamed for that, but there's no denying that these two villains were a disappointment. We got more of the same from Sandman; can you believe they didn't give us some classic comic book imagery of him turning his fists into weapons? As for The Lizard, he reeled off some jokes, all while looking as lame as he did way back in 2012.
These two were seemingly thrown into the threequel to make that final battle a little more exciting, but it surely wouldn't have been that hard to expand on their respective stories in a satisfying way.
4. No Sinister Six
So, you've got a movie with three Spider-Men and a whole host of villains from across the Multiverse, and you don't assemble the Sinister Six? This is astonishing, and a massive missed opportunity.
As fun as the Statue of Liberty battle may have been, it boiled down to the wall-crawlers fighting Electro, Sandman, and The Lizard (the threequel's muscle) before getting a helping hand from Doctor Octopus. The Green Goblin finally showed up, but there was never a moment when we had even a Sinister Five, never mind the Sinister Six. What the heck went wrong here?
We'd put money on Sony Pictures having its own plans for this team, and those probably involve Venom, The Vulture, Morbius, Kraven the Hunter, Chameleon, and...someone! That's not the roster we'd choose or direction we'd take the Sinister Six in, but as fans often say, "Sony gonna Sony."
3. Enter The Spider-Verse
Bringing the Spider-Man Variants into the MCU was always going to be a tough task, but in terms of how they should enter the fray, there had to be a better idea than this! Ned discovering he does have some magical abilities may have been a nice payoff to an earlier punchline, but him using Doctor Strange's sling ring to open those portals felt forced, unnatural, and a little goofy.
Picture this: instead of Ned welcoming the two Spider-Men into his grandmother's kitchen, Peter Parker could have been on the ropes against the Green Goblin, with the hope of victory fading. With that, his fellow web-slingers could have arrived to lend a helping hand, though tragically not before Aunt May was killed (leading to another moment of tremendous guilt for these webbed wonders).
Instead, what we got was funny - with moments that admittedly elicited cheers from moviegoers - but not quite as memorable as it otherwise might have been.
2. Uncle Ben Still Doesn't Matter
It's perfectly understandable that Marvel Studios wanted to move away from the Uncle Ben origin story in the MCU, and we actually like how Aunt May has taken his place in some respects. However, it's been established that Ben did exist in this world and that his death somehow prompted Peter Parker to become Spider-Man; it's just unfortunate his name stills seems to be a dirty word.
While there are more references to Ben Parker in this movie than Spider-Man: Homecoming and Spider-Man: Far From Home, he now feels like little more than a footnote in this Peter's history.
There's a reason sixty years after Spider-Man was created that Uncle Ben still inspires him, but we don't even get to see his grave when Peter goes to visit the place May was laid to rest! Did this Ben just vanish? Did he die of natural causes? Did he go out to buy milk but never came home? Your guess is as good as ours, and we wish this movie had taken the chance to do something with him.
1. Justice For Mysterio
Based on what we saw in set photos, it looked like Mysterio might be a pitoval part of Spider-Man: No Way Home. While he was mentioned, the impact he'd had on Peter Parker's life was quickly forgotten, and the fact that Quentin Beck never returned is easily this movie's biggest blunder.
Concept art has revealed that Mysterio's return was considered, something that made perfect sense. In Spider-Man: Far From Home, he claimed to be from another Earth and taught Peter about the Multiverse. While he appeared to be a fraud, a simple retcon here could have revealed he was telling the truth and that it was all part of a larger plan to break (and control) reality.
We're willing to acknowledge that it would have made this a very different movie, but Mysterio being sidelined feels like a mistake that now can't be fixed. After all, even if he does come back, he won't remember who is beneath the mask, making a "resurrection" of any sort borderline pointless.