The time has come to face facts folks, the Spider-Man franchise as we know it is done. I, for one, am really getting sick of the constant complaining about the Spider-Man and Superman reboots.
I can understand that we, as comic fans and fanboys, have a tendency to not let go of things easily. We are by our very nature locked to our childhoods in some ways, but considering that the vast majority of us are guys we are merely being the big kids we all are at heart. My own ire is raised when the time comes to move on, as has become the case with our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and the fan favorite Brandon Routh in his role as Superman. When these topics are brought up some of our ilk magically and instantly transfigure into children refusing to go to the potty because we have become so comfortable going in our diapers.
As fanboys we are fiercely loyal to our favorite characters and comic companies. This stubborn rigidity is one of the things that define us. What would the conversations in my childhood comic book shop, Little Shop of Comics in Conyers Georgia, have been like without phrases like, “Marvel sucks.” “No, man, DC is over rated.” “Thor could so kick Superman’s ass.” About twelve years ago the era of the Comic Book Movie came to pass and with it, and the maturity of the internet, we found a whole new forum to expand the great comic shop debates. CBM is my poison of choice as I’m sure it is for many of you, but the trend of argument and commentary I have seen lately is becoming downright depressing. Every time I see a pointless argument about the reboots of Spidey, Superman, or any of the other properties being reworked I just want to pull my hair out.
I think that the vast majority of us remember the news we heard coming out of the preproduction of Spiderman 4, and I think the vast majority of those agree that what we were hearing was anything but good. Be it the skipping over of Lizard, yet again, or the rumors of a telepathically controlled Vulture and possible Vultress, none of us seemed happy with what we were to be force fed from the next installment of Sam Raimi’s Spiderman films. The forums were ripe with complaints and barbs at Raimi and company. “MJ sucks,” “Dunst looks like a foot,” (my favorite: mean, but funny as hell) “Weepy Maguire,” “Dancing Spidey,” “No more show tunes!” all of these were lines I was reading. People cried out for the head of Sam Raimi, and a bag over the head of Mary Jane. It was getting ugly and fast.
Then the news came: Sony had put their foot down. Spider-Man 4 was scrubbed. Whether the reason for the abrupt cancelation was the pig headedness of the director, or the rumors of the budget looming near the astronomical $300,000,000 mark, the project was dead. Raimi and company were canned and a script previously submitted was being used as the basis for the reboot of the franchise. There was about a day of stunned silence. Then all hell broke loose again. Now it seemed so many of the most vocal Raimi detractors were now his most ardent fans singing his praises and offering him up for canonization by the pope as St. Sam. In the words of the immortal Heath Ledger’s Joker, “What happened? Did your balls fall off?” I don’t think they did, though I sure as hell ain’t checking.
I think it goes back to the anal retentive nature of the fanboys. We have no power or say so in the matter, and so we’re going to pout and scream, and poop our diapers in an attempt to make mean old Sony do what we want! What do we want? Another apparent theatrical turd laid at our feet by Sam Raimi? The same old things to complain about like dancing Spidey and weepy Petey? The more unlikable and increasingly visually unstimulating MJ? One or two more villains to find out Spidey’s secret identity and that last anticlimactic showdown where the villain almost invariably kidnaps MJ and dies whilst Spidey runs around with his mask off? Really? That’s what you wanted?
Huh. I thought that’s what was being bitched about the most there…
Are we so afraid of change that we would rather have one more go-round on the Raimi train? Waste another $60 at the theater to take our wives and girlfriends to see the same thing we saw in the previous three movies. We would rather go with what we know, like it or not, than try something different. Do we stomp our feet every time a writer or artist is changed on a comic run? Of course not. Did we refuse to watch the new Batman and Spider-Man cartoons just because the old ones ended? No. Why is this any different? It’s just a change. A new direction. A new story, perhaps one in which Sandman didn’t kill Uncle Ben and Venom wasn’t vaporized after ten minutes of screen time. Here’s a truly frightening thought: it might actually be good. It might not suck. You, God forbid, might like it more than what has come before.
Here is the final slap in the face. It doesn’t matter how many of us write out or sign petitions, make” I hate Webb websites,” or constantly type “[frick] the reboot,” as the coda of every post. The ink has dried on the contracts, and we are going to have a new Spider-Man franchise and Brandon Routh is no longer Superman. It’s done guys. Learn it, live it, accept it, and no offense, but get the [frick] over it. There are things we can change and things we cannot. Why waste your time and energy on this child-like fit of stubborn inflexibility, really? In the words of Bruce Lee, “Be like water, my friend.” Adjust to the new paradigm. Become one with the force. Find your inner peace and just let it go. I’ll make a deal with you guys. If the trailer comes out and it looks awful I too will join you in the chant of “[frick] the reboot,” and write an article of apology for calling you anal retentive babies. I ask though, that when, if, or until that day comes look at these changes with an open mind and give these flicks a chance before you condemn every aspect of them. Focus instead on what you would like to see different than what has come before. I ask this for the sake of keeping the monotony out of our forums and for the sake of my ever decreasing hairline which grows smaller with every handful of hair I pull out when I read those woeful words; “[frick] the reboot.”
Look at the good the reboot may bring. As things stood with the Raimi films Goblin: dead, Doc Ock: Dead, Venom: Dead, the new films will bring life and a new chance to these characters. We may see a proper Goblin, and a truly evil Doc Ock, and Venom may actually have more than ten minutes of screen time. There are good things that can come from this reboot. And God forbid, you may actually like it.