In my previous 'Grievances' article, I expressed my issues with Man Of Steel, I was intending to do one on Iron Man 3 but that has already been done to death, I also considered doing one for the Wolverine, but it would end up ad crap. Eventually, I decided to express my grievances with Thor: The Dark World
Grievance #1 The Darkness
In Thor: The Dark World, Malekith is hell bent on returning the universe to darkness. Why? Are the lady dark elves that fugly? Do the dark elves get a rush from stubbing their toes and cursing?
Grievance #2 Is it too much to ask for both?
In this latest installment, Odin is pressuring Thor to choose Lady Sif as his Queen, Thor says no because he's in love with Jane Foster (whom he only spent three days with), why does he fail to realize that HE CAN HAVE BOTH! Thor can be with Sif on Asgard and when he wants to spend time with Jane, Thor can tell Sif that he's on official "Avengers" business. Thor can also ask Heimdall to lie to Sif if she starts to get suspicious.
Grievance #3 While he's at it, couldn't Thor also shag Darcy?
I know it's a stretch, but he's the God of Thunder! Thor needs to go for the trinity and make Tony Stark and Fandral proud.
Grievance #4 Asgardian Justice
Loki's trial consisted of Odin yelling at him and sending him to his cell. This is a man who has tried to commit genocide and conquer an entire planet. I used to get yelled at if I forgot to take the trash out, I can't even imagine what my mom (let alone my dad) would do if I tried to do what Loki did. I wish my parents were as lax as Odin.
Grievance #5 Goddammit Selvig! Put some [frick]ing pants on!
One of the more disturbing things about Thor: The Dark World was the constant scenes of a pants-less/nude Erik Selvig. Why couldn't Loki brainwash Black Widow instead?
Grievance #6 Jane slaps Thor and doesn't get corrected.
How can Thor expect to rule all the Nine Realms if he can't even keep his woman in check?
Grievance #7 Jane gives Odin lip and doesn't get corrected.
Odin IS the ruler of the Nine Realms and doesn't teach Jane the lesson of the whip when she gets mouthy with him.
Grievance #8 Brokeback Svartalfheim?
I live in Arizona (unfortunately), and I know intolerance when I see it. Malekith and Algrim had a very close bond to say the least. I know that I can't be the only one who sensed the sexual tension. Could the real reason Malekith sacrificed his own people be because the Dark Elves were intolerant to the love he and Algrim shared?
Grievance #9 Frigga lays a smack down on Malekith's candyass.
Not since Man Of Steel has a villain looked like more of a bitch in a fight. During Malekith's incursion into Asgard, he gets into sword-fight with Frigga and gets his ass handed to him. If you can't beat Frigga in a sword fight, then how do expect to rule the entire universe?
Grievance #10 The evil henchmen kick the hero's ass more than the main villain.
Once again, a villain's henchmen steals the spotlight. First, the formidable/hot Faora, then the terrifying Mother Russia, and now the horrific Kurse. These evil sidekicks are more of a challenge than the ones they take orders from. What the hell? Why don't they understand that if they staged a coup they would easily win.
Grievance #11 Beautiful funeral scene makes me cry in front of strangers.
When I first saw The Dark World in theaters, I got very emotional when I saw Frigga's funeral. Everything about that one scene was amazing, from the tone, to the music, to the visual effects. To say I got a little emotional would be an understatement.
Grievance #12 Beautiful funeral scene gets ruined by a pants-less Selvig.
What was the first scene after Frigga's stunning funeral? Selvig in boy shorts holding a pair of mixed-matched shoes talking crazy in a nursing home. To me, that was like getting stabbed seconds after leaving Detroit completely unharmed.
Grievance #13 Jane has now slapped Loki, and she still stands uncorrected.
Why don't Thor and his rough rider crew find the Reality Stone, go to the FuX-Men universe, and have Shingen Yashida slap the backtalk out of Jane?
Grievance #14 Off with his phallus!
Alan Taylor (the director of Thor: The Dark World) is best known for his work on HBO's Game of Thrones, in one rather strange episode, a man had his pork sword cut off. Loki, who has a love for mischief should have given the illusion that he cuts off Thor's other hammer to Malekith while still leaving Thor to believe that he only just "lost" his hand.
Grievance #15 Weakest army in the Marvel Universe (2nd only to the Chitauri)
Loki, much like Frigga is a secret master of the blade. Loki killed a sizable group of Dark Elves with nothing but a dagger.
Grievance #16 Kurse avenges Coulson's death.
For some reason, Loki likes to stab people in the back, like S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Phil Coulson. When Loki tries to pull the same trick on Kurse, Kurse finally gives Loki a taste of his own medicine, and unknowingly avenges Coulson's demise all in one act. Kurse don't play no shit! Kurse ain't never been bout no shit!
Grievance #17 PpppppORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no complaints, except I wish that the fight would have crossed into Muspelheim.
Grievance #18 When does this take place?
After Malekith was defeated, we find Jane and her merry men back at her apartment. In said apartment, we see a calendar that doesn't have the month listed, but says that the year is 2013, the same year that the events of Iron Man 3 took place. Iron Man 3 took place in December 2013 so either Jane forgot to change her calendar, or the events of The Dark World happened before the events in Iron Man 3.
Grievance #19 Behind the candelabra.... IN SPACE!
Before the Guardians of The Galaxy trailer hit, I didn't know what to expect from the film. I knew that the mid credits scene would tie into it, but I was expecting something different. It didn't help that Benicio Del Toro looked like Liberace and David Bowie's lovechild. *Pulls out sunglasses* I guess you could say that I wasn't *puts on sunglasses* hooked on a feeling. (Sorry, I couldn't resist)
In conclusion, Thor: The Dark World was a solid follow-up to Thor, but it could have been better if so many scenes didn't get cut out.