The first Monday in September, Labor Day is a well-regarded moment of rest - a momentary respite - before the cooler seasons take hold and the big holidays come calling. Symbolically it starts off the football season, gives the average joe a day off, and herald's the end of summer.
Yes, unfortunately, it's also a tough time right now; many of us have been looking for a job. Others are simply trying to keep from losing the one they have. And as trying at that may be, it also calls into question how the superhero community is faring; they have it twice as hard, saving the world while simultaneously trying to keep their bills paid. It couldn't possibly be getting any better for them right now.
Or could it?
After doing a bit of legwork, we decided to profile a few costumed do-gooders and give you peek. Maybe we should take a look; some of these empowered figures, fighting for justice, may actually not have it so bad. Or maybe they do. Truth be known, most are fine, but in this article, we'll pick five superheroes and demystify them: who they are, what kind of lives are they leading right now, and Which have been hit the hardest.
1. ONCE BITTEN, TWICE AS WEALTHY
Peter Parker, The Spectacular, Fantastic, Avenging, Spider-Man
We often consider poor Parker when we think of the struggling hero; he's been an icon of morality. He doesn't do it for the money and never received any benefits. Well, that was in his early years, back when he was a freelance photographer for the Daily Bugle and could barely keep up with rent. That's all changed; if you haven't been paying attention, Pete is secretly hoarding wealth; it just never gets pointed out.
For one, he's a member of the Fantastic Four (although, maybe not much longer now that Johnny Storm is back) and Reed Richards takes good care of the family. Secondly, he's an Avenger. That means another place to sleep, more food, and the monthly Avengers stipend. Lastly - and this is often overlooked - Petey is now working for Horizon Labs. He's a big-time successful scientist. And although his salary has never been revealed, he's not working for Skittles.
No one knows why Parker acts poor, but it's clear he's loaded. He works on all the leading-edge technologies, rubs elbows with the most brilliant men in the world, and gets comps from everybody from SHIELD to the Department of Homeland Security on the side.
2. HOMELESS IN CONNECTICUT
Robbie Baldwin, Can't Find Penance As Speedball
One of the interesting characters we wanted to track down was Robbie Baldwin. He has two alter-egos: Speedball, a perpetual, bouncy-powered identity, mostly shunned, but tolerated, and Penance, a sado-masochist who emits strange energy when he receives cuts, bruises, or feels pain. This makes him
one of the strangest heroes around.
Most physicians agree Mr. Baldwin is still suffering from mental disorders he suffered during
Marvel's Civil War, where he and The New Warriors were involved in an explosion that killed over 600 people. His story has to be one of the hardest right now because he can't find employment and no one wants his help. Publicly, he's a pariah.
Robbie's last sighting was during the near world-ending event of Fear Itself, when the Dark Asgardian elder brother of Odin attempted his takeover. At last sighting, mobs of people were trying to kill him just for helping out.
3. TEENAGE UNEMPLOYMENT HITS ALL-TIME HIGH
Blue Beetle, Doing What Bugs Do
Jaime Reyes is one of the latest Hispanic-American heroes to gain some popularity, including his own title in DC Comics. But his story is slightly complicated; technically, he's bonded to an alien exo-armor designed to take over the universe. (But that's okay; it's broken and Jaime has control.) He also has morals, too; the suit offered to reprogram the ATMs and provide him cash, but he won't take it. The last sighting of the Blue Beetle was in anonymous dumpsters throughout the city.
Now before you think this is a one-time scenario, think again. It turns out that the young superheroes throughout the world are in a bad place. To name a few, Jason Todd (The Red Hood) and his Outlaws have turned to high-profit thievery, Billy Batson (Captain Marvel) is currently stuck in an orphanage, and The New Mutants are all huddled in a single-room apartment near San Francisco. It's been hard on all the young adults.
4. SUPER-LOADED
Clark Kent, Superman, Super-rich
Mild-mannered reporter?
Hardly. Most people don't think of Clark as a rich guy; Lois typically calls him "Smallville" because he was raised in Kansas.
It's a farce, though: he only poses as a blue-collar worker earning a modest living. And even then, he's in the media in Metropolis, which gives him a whole new set of benefits, including the higher pay.
Still, this bids an interesting question. How rich can an alien posing as a journalist become if he has to assume a middle-class role in the first place?
It turns out it's not so hard when you have have super-speed and can fly to your
Fortress of Solitude on a whim. The truth is Superman has a priceless Kryptonian inheritance. His collection is unrivaled (unless Brainiac decides to sell his on the Black Market). Besides, if money is a problem, he can crush a piece of coal into a diamond. And if all else fails, he can fall back in the Justice League's Watchtower on Batman's paycheck.
At this point in time, it's obvious that the only reason Superman carries a job is to get insider news, maybe to meddle with us normal humans. But we're still not sure why or how he manages to get any work done.
5. COME TOGETHER, RIGHT NOW
It's Time to Incorporate, Er...BATMAN INCORPORATE!
This is what happens when you're the rich guy, especially when the 99% are demanding you pay your "fair share". In a shocking revelation almost two months ago, we learned that Bruce Wayne may have over-extended himself with his super-franchise of Batman-styled heroes. Word on the street is they're all going broke; many are flat-out homeless.
Being the source of their pocketbooks and powers, Wayne finally had to give in. All across the country the rumor is that he's boarding unemployed, washed-up, and down-on-their-luck good guys. Naming the entitlement program "Batman Incorporated", this is likely to drive up Wal-Mart and Target product prices - just because of the unfortunate rise of domestic and international GDPs in response to Wayne-inflationary hikes - in the near future.
There's no telling how long this will remain true; now, though, it appears that the wealthy CEO of Wayne Enterprises is providing welfare and unemployment checks for superheroes!
IN SUMMARY
You can see this is a mixed-matched picture across the board as we near this breaking-point holiday, preparing us for summer's end. The superheroes: many deserve a rest just like us. Heck, most are pretending to
be us, but they aren't; it's hitting some groups higher than others (
Mr. Terrific, OMAC, and
Static Shock are minority superheroes who received their pink-slips a few months back in
DC's Second Wave), while some aren't being hit at all. So when you look up in the sky, just take a step back and wonder exactly what it is you're looking at. It may be a metahuman, possibly a mutant, but right now, it could be just as human as you are.
This article is a piece written mostly for entertainment purposes and introduces a Countdown called The Top 10 Greatest Superhero Inventors which will updated weekly until Labor Day. Updating on Mondays, check out this List if you want some fun insight or a bit of trivia.