Hi, I’m Black Superman… ok, my real name is Walter, but we at Off Shoot Comics have adopted, what we think are, some cool codenames. I mean, how cool is it to go to your job, but instead of Bob, you get to be Flaming Star or Stone’s Throw (well, in the real world anyway)? I mean, that’s a nerd living the dream, right? And, I get to write comics with friends and call it work! Heck, in most places, we’re considered experts, so I thought, hey let’s use my fanboy expertise to prove something completely subjective with facts that can only somewhat be proven. So, today, I’m going to settle one of the great super hero debates of all times.
It is my belief that the truth is as clear as mathematics. If you look at most things in the form of an equation, you come to an irrefutable conclusion; you just have to know the variables. I think the same thing can be said when it comes to the top powerhouses of the superhero world, at least in Marvel and DC Comics, the Hulk and Superman. When it comes to it, the two of them have quite a bit in common, but it’s the variables that decide the winner here. Everyone wonders who’d win in a fight, so I say: let’s do some math.
The Hulk is a scientist- sort of (at least his alter ego of Robert Bruce Banner is) -and is/has one of the largest brains in the Marvel universe. It was an experimental weapons test, of his own design, that gave him his powers in the first place, and, from time to time, the monster gains access to the wealth of knowledge in Bruce Banner’s mind. Superman, on the other hand, has an intellect that allows him to build advanced robots from his long-dead homeworld, get a six-year college degree in two years, and become a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist. In combat, Superman would have complete access to all his strategies and knowledge, whereas the Hulk would need to have Banner’s cooperation to come up with strategies any more advanced than “smash," so in intellect, the advantage goes to Superman.
Speed is an essential part of combat in a fight between opponents of similar strength. Just ask George Foreman how important it is to be able to move faster when your opponent is actually strong enough to hurt you in a fight. By definition in the Marvel Almanac, the Hulk is athletically quick. To put that into perspective, he is about as fast as Usain Bolt and punches about as fast as Manny Pacquiao. Now, in a nine foot tall, 1500 lb. rage monster, this is some with a time frame of about eight minutes, Superman arrives on Earth with about pretty impressive speed, and makes him a very formidable opponent. Superman, on the other, moves faster than a speeding bullet. He actually moves at speeds approaching the speed of light. In a movie, “Justice League: Doom,” Superman has to reach earth before a solar flare, so flying from the sun to the Earth, six minutes to spare. In Star Trek terms, that’s about warp 3. Therefore, to even be hit by the Hulk, Superman would have to stand still, so the advantage goes to Superman. And please don’t try to give me the combat speed versus battle speed speech; Superman can catch a bullet, so he can definitely punch the Hulk faster than the Hulk can respond.
In terms of durability, the hulk is bulletproof and can take some explosive attacks with little to no damage done to him. He has been cut by blades in his books, and has been made to bleed by heavier artillery in his comics, cartoons and movies. The Hulk does heal extremely fast, and, as such, his lack of complete invulnerability is compensated for. Superman, on the other hand, has also been made to bleed, but not by anything that is manmade, at least not without the addition of Kryptonite. And, let’s face it, the Hulk would not want to win this fight with the aid of the magic, strength-taking rock, leaving the two to fight with access to all of their abilities. In this case, both heroes are nigh invulnerable, so no advantage. They are even.
When engaged in this conversation- Hulk vs. Superman- most people are really only talking about one thing, their strength. Which hero is physically stronger? That one is the toughest to gauge, because, truthfully, both of them are as powerful as they need to be at whatever given time, in most stories. If we take the most recent measurements of strength the two have undergone that can be quantified in any way, Superman, in order to test his strength, went to a lab underground where he bench-pressed- according to the scientist in the story- approximately five times the Earth’s weight, continuously for five days, before, finally, breaking a sweat. The Hulk, on the other hand, in the story World War Hulk, became so angry- and therefore powerful- that he could not take a step without splitting the Earth in two. Honestly, I’ve no clue whether that means the Hulk is stronger or if Superman is stronger, but I do know that in any crossover they have had, Superman has been the stronger of the two- at least initially- but I do know that the Hulk’s power can grow exponentially due to his rage. For the sake of fairness I will give a slight advantage to the Hulk.
So, as you can see, the two are even, though I think Superman’s advantages outweigh the Hulk’s, but… wait, we’re not done. That’s not exactly true; we’re done with the Hulk, just not with Superman. There are some extra powers, and perhaps some intangibles that have to be considered. Aside from the things I’ve already mentioned, Superman can fly, has heat vision, freeze breath, Super hearing, and weak telekinesis. He also does not need to eat to replenish his strength. The Hulk needs food almost all the time, so a fight for any length of time might be a problem- wait until I mention this with Goku someday! And, while intrinsically a decent fellow, the Hulk tends to fight for reasons like proving he’s a good guy, while Superman fights for the greater good. Superman’s reasons tend to give him a power boost in the crucial moments of most battles. So, when you add up the extras, Superman comes out on top.
So there you have it Superfans, mathematical proof that the Man of Steel is the winner in a battle between him and the Hulk. He is faster, has more powers, smarter, just as durable, and frankly almost as strong- in fact stronger in the beginning of a fight- as the Hulk. It is not a landslide victory, but math says, Superman wins. Thanks for playing. Sorry Hulkfans, I was pulling for you, truly… or not.
Black Superman