Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan...These dudes sorry! Maaaan--maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Just...just..I don't even. What is going on at DC/WB. I picked up a DC comic today, right. Why the hell was Nick Lachey eating a Twix dead center of the comic. Seriously. Nick Lachey. Twix. And...and the CW shows!? Really! What's...what's going on!? And Teen Titans GO can GO TO HELL! I don't even...
Ya know there was a time when DC could not only be seen as a competitor but maybe even on top from time to time. I mean after all DC is the home of the one and only Batman. That kind of speaks for itself. Add to that the often called "grand daddy" of all superheroes, Superman. No doubt DC has always been a presence but...was it timing or merit?
Movies:
THEY DON'T HAVE NONE! These dudes... One panned half-baked, dry movie. MOS. It bombed so hard not only did the sequel get pushed back another year but it also got turned into the Batman reboot featuring Superman. Supes true sequel is stuck in limbo while the so-called "flavor of the week" Ant-man has grew into a major summer franchise. Which by the way, has cleared 200mil in profit to Supermans 40mil. What!? When!? Dis year. Henry Cavill is simply not catching on with audiences as well. Man From U.N.C.L.E was actually a pretty good movie. Still after ticket sales AND DVD sales its 80mil negative. Total bomb. I guess that's what you get when you pick a bland, stale, pretty boy that know one had ever heard of to man tent pole franchises. You lose both. I doubt we'll ever see a sequel to MOS or MFU.
Ben Affleck...These dudes maaa--just. Nan nah nah nah nah nah nah, FATMAN!! Ya know, trying to be fair on the subject I interviewed my girlfriend before writing this article. I asked her could she think of any movie ol'Benney Ben has been in where he was a stand out actor. Her response: "I like Affleck. He got an Oscar for directing once." Da ballZ: "Well that was for directing. He's not directing BvS. Crap Snyder is. I said acting." Her response: "I think he won an award for writing once. He's great." Da ballZ: "I asked you about acting. Not writing." Her response: "Well he's hot. I used to love him in Armageddon." Da ballZ: "Oh really. So if you want to [frick] him that qualifies him as a good actor? (Skank)" Her response: (0_0)... (Skank) But you get my point, right. We don't like this dude. He only gets much love as he does now from the comic community due to his being cast as Batman. He's like Luke Wilson. He plays the same person in every movie. Busted, slow, wanna-be cool dude. Like Gal we didn't care for him either till we heard he was cast as Batman. Seriously, not one person in the universe was clamoring for Gadot to be WW or Affleck to be Batman until AFTER it was announced. And that was just the DC diehards who was gonna support the BCU(Batman Cinematic Universe) no matter what. In other words no one is cool with this. Unless you wanna [frick] him(skank).
Gal Gadot: I. STILL. HAVE. NO. IDEA. WHO. THIS. B#$%&. IS. Zero acting chops. Zero T&A. FAIL!!!!!!
Question: When did being the background skank in a Fast&Furious movie become enough credentials to play WW? Stomped? So am I.
TDK is about the only note worthy movie this gen in DC's core universe. Batman Begins was ok. Rises? Ballsack. Even the most staunch Batman fan knows Rises simply didn't hit the marks. But I know, I know it DID put up the numbers. Made a billion, received well enough by critics. So you gotta give credit where credit is due. But I just can't help but feel it only did and was received well because of the buzz surrounding TDK and Ledger's death. Let's be real. Nothing with Nolans name attached to it at the time was gonna fail. But yeah Rises=Ballsack. Once you get passed the hit and miss DK trilogy...well lets just say a monkey throwing s#$% at a wall could produce a better picture than the crap DC has put out this gen. Literally Green Lantern and Superman Returns are the biggest flops in CBM history. Yes, even bigger flops than FOX's FF which lost 130mil in ticket sales to GL's 240mil and SR's 140mil. Other than FF, MOS profited and rated the lowest this gen out of all CBMS. Than there was a few others in the core universe like Catwomen that's not even worth mentioning. In a nut shell DC is god awful at the cinema and BvS doesn't look like it going to change that much.
TV:
They gonna get us shut down, they gonna get us shut down. The Brown Sphincter(The Red Tornado) says it all. DC is doing nothing revolutionary or note worthy on TV. Just...just--they gonna get us shut down!
Supergirl: Supergirl is probably by unanimous decision the worst comic book show of all time. And what makes it so bad is...NOW! During the comic boom!? Between DCTV and FOX's film presence we just might get that comic fatigue everyone's been talking about.
Arrow: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Jason Terry is not impressed. WACK! Tween drama. A Batman one at that. Ok, if you suck maybe you could hit just one of the marks, right? Like if your a poorly written tween drama you could at least have portrayed the character well. Nope. We got Batman. And its for little girls! Why do you think on all the advertisements it was a bunch of Zoolander looking dudes sitting around with there shirts off. And you talking about the worst costumes ever. Slade looks like he pieced his costume together using the bargain bin at Pick-n-Save. Arrow looks like he duct taped a green dry towel on top of some green chaps. And don't even get me started on the Dark Dildo(Diggle. If that's not the most perv sounding name...Diggle) or the canary cryless Black Canary costume. Lets just say... trick-or-treat! Dat CW budget tho...
Flash: They gonna get us shut dow--maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! What's up with the leather man. On the CW I don't know if I'm watching the DCU or the VPU(Village People Universe). What ever happened to a practical costume. Every body just wears random leather costumes tha--that CW budget tho... Seriously I've tried to enjoy this show. I watched all of season one and the more recommended episodes of season two by are DC regulars. ala the recent Zoom and Killer Shark episodes(I knew better too). Really 10 seconds of KS and 2 minutes of Zoom does not make up for how garbage these shows are. That recent Zoom episode dude.. The Dr. Light Power Ranger helmet. That 80's montage training scene. WITH a dense pointless girl. Flash putting said dense normal girl in compromising situations by reveling his identity to her and having said girl attempt to bait out Zoom. After just talking about how Zoom could destroy pretty much everything they get this dense completely unprepared girl to try and draw Zoom out. Thank god he didn't show up at that time because after the whooping he gave the Flash she would have surely died. And said girls reply to Flash after reveling himself to her, "OMG Iris made out with the Flash" smdh. What about Sisco's near gay scene trying to put his little vibe move on the doc. Awful. 35-40min of poorly written tween drama is not made up for what's on average of about 2 minutes of special effects per episode. Just full of stupid decisions and bad writing. "PUT YOUR FINS IN THE AIR!" Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! I get why this show is supported tho. Flash is by far the most popular comic book hero on tv. DCfans are also desperate to see one of the big six. Flash has a lot of fans. But once you get passed it being the Flash....GAR-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!
Legends of Tomorrow: Well if there was an award you could win for being the most garbage random team of all time... You got Iron Man atomic Atom. Schumacher Captain Cold. Homeless Heatwave. HIV Hawkman. Second string Hawkgirl. Canary cryless White/Black Canary. Extreme cheese. Probably the worst part of the VPU. DC doesn't even respect these shows. Its gonna be two Flashs running around soon. The VPU won't last much longer.
IZombie: I thought it was getting good some where around the 4th to 5th episode. Than BAM! The show revealed itself. Uninspired, normal TV.
DCTV is probably the laughing stock of live action comics. Random tween dramas, scattered universes, bad writing. Gotham. What is DC doing?!
Comics:
Like I said before there was a time when DC could actually compete. But now Rocket Raccoon could probably match any DC comic in sales. If memory serves RR beat out DC's Batman and the so-called "grand daddy" of all heroes in comic book sales last year. R.I.P Superman. Marvel on average sales double what DC does. But get this... Marvel comics on average cost a dollar more than DC's. You mean to tell me Marvel can stomp DC with more expensive comics. Throw in the fact DC had to sell out and put ads in there comics now to try and make the difference up. Shame DC. And GET NICK LACHEYS B#$%& A$% OUTTA MY COMICS!!
TV Cartoons:
Toys sales tanked on DC products. Nuff said. All quality cartoons got canceled. Which left us with Teen Titans GO! and A CGI Batman cartoon. I've never seen TTG. But I don't think it matters. Just...just...
So in conclusion we need to stop doing the whole Marvel vs DC thing. Marvel is to far past them now. Its just one embarrassment after another. I can remember when Avengers 1 vs TDKR was a big deal. Major flaming that year. But as expected Rises got wrecked while Avengers went on to become the highest grossing cbm of all time and changed the cbm landscape forever. Than BAM! Civil War booted Batman vs Superman off its may 6 release date. Another defeat. So my question to you guys, is DC vs Marvel only a thing in the mind and hearts of stubborn fanboys? Also is it really any doubt that Civil War will own 2016? I guess the fanboy motto is stand up for your team blindly no matter how many times you get knocked down. Blindly is the key word in that sentence by the way.
Also why is DC complete a$%? Sound off below.