PINOCCHIO Review; "This Remake Will Crush Longtime Fans And Disappoint Everyone Else"

PINOCCHIO Review; "This Remake Will Crush Longtime Fans And Disappoint Everyone Else"

As part of the Disney+ Day celebrations, Pinocchio is now streaming, but this is one live-action remake that, sadly, should be avoided at all costs. Find out verdict, with some minor spoilers, right here!

Review Opinion
By JoshWilding - Sep 08, 2022 10:09 AM EST
Filed Under: Disney

“What the f***?!” is not a reaction we expected to have after watching a movie like Pinocchio, but Disney+’s live-action remake screws up in such spectacular fashion that it’s staggering to think this comes from the same studio responsible for Aladdin, Cruella, and The Lion King. Those, and the likes of Dumbo and Lady and the Tramp, have their supporters and detractors in equal measure; many fans love seeing their favourite cartoons brought to life shot for shot, while others feel that it’s redundant to tell these stories again without doing something completely new with them. Over the past few years, Disney has delivered a mixture of both, sometimes even heading down completely unexpected routes such as in Maleficent. No matter which side of the fence you’re on, though, Pinocchio is such a misstep that our noses would be growing if we even thought about recommending it. 

Initially, things start out quite well. Tom Hanks is endearing as Gepetto, living in his small cottage with cuckoo clocks on the wall that relive key moments from movies like Toy Story and Snow White (go corporate synergy!). Soon, The Blue Fairy shows up and brings the latest puppet he’s made to life, and young Benjamin Evan Ainsworth’s take on the wooden boy who wishes to be real is charming and sweetly innocent in equal measure. It’s a joy watching this character come to life on screen and, from there, what follows is a fairly straightforward retelling of the story we all know and love. Unfortunately, it all soon starts going wrong, and not just for Pinocchio after he finds himself in the clutches of the sinister Stromboli.

It’s hard to say whether anyone will care enough to find out what happened, but Pinocchio feels like a movie that was started, but never finished when the decision was made to drop it on streaming. While the story very much remains the same (there’s even a little extra action and excitement during the battle with Monstro to make the finale a little more exciting for today’s kids), massive, pivotal chunks of that are omitted. The Blue Fairy and “Honest” John never appear again after their initial introductions in the movie and, if you’re familiar with the original, you’ll know how key they were to the story upon their respective returns. Instead, this remake finds lazy, unimaginative ways to replace them. Who’d have guessed a big net would be a substitute for a talking fox?
 


There’s no resolution to at least two major plot threads, one of which is new, while the other is resolved in the cartoon and not here. If you read the Wikipedia entry for that 1940 classic, then be warned that the entire final paragraph is missing, with the movie instead opting to end abruptly with a baffling voiceover from Jimminy Cricket that makes this experience wholly unsatisfying for longtime fans and newcomers alike. The only explanation we can think of is that Disney realised they weren’t going to release Pinocchio theatrically and, rather than spend millions finishing the movie, a simpler way to quickly wrap up the story was cobbled together, saving money on returning actors and special effects in the process. It’s either that or writers Robert Zemeckis (who also directs) and Chris Weitz just went completely off the rails. 

That’s a real shame too because Pinocchio should be a movie that everyone falls in love with. The Blue Fairy is a sight to behold (Cynthia Erivo has an incredible voice), while Luke Evans as The Coachman, Giuseppe Battiston as Stromboli, and Keegan-Michael Key as “Honest” John are among the most enjoyable performances you’ll see this year. Kyanne Lamaya is also excellent as the newly created Fabiana and her marionette Sabina, so we definitely can’t blame the cast for the movie’s shortcomings. Joseph Gordon-Levitt has fun as Jiminy Cricket, though we can’t help but think anyone who has watched South Park will get serious Mr. Hankey vibes from his performance. 

Visually, Pinocchio is a mixed bag with a combination of effects that look like they were perfected for theaters and those that were clearly just deemed good enough for television. There are some great new and returning tunes (props go to Alan Silvestri for those) and the story itself, when it works, remains as timeless as ever. The mind boggles at what went wrong here, with it only making sense that Disney must have decided to cut costs and scrap significant chunks of the story to avoid spending millions more on a movie that, even with those missing elements, probably wouldn’t have driven up subscription numbers to a significant degree. You won’t believe what is missing until you watch it, but again, we can’t suggest you put yourself through that. Just wait for Guillermo del Toro’s Netflix version later this year instead.

We’re not sure how we got here, but yes, Disney just ruined Pinocchio. A movie it appears the studio didn’t bother finishing before dumping it on streaming, this remake will crush longtime fans and disappoint everyone else. Happy Disney+ Day.

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tylerzero
tylerzero - 9/8/2022, 10:03 AM
I just want an amazing, flawless live-action ROBOTECH movie. Is that too much to ask?

bkmeijer1
bkmeijer1 - 9/8/2022, 10:08 AM
@tylerzero - Robotech or Gundam are two properties I really wanna see in live-action. I hope it's not too much to ask either
CorndogBurglar
CorndogBurglar - 9/8/2022, 11:53 AM
@bkmeijer1 - They are making a Gundam movie.
bkmeijer1
bkmeijer1 - 9/8/2022, 2:27 PM
@CorndogBurglar - I feel like that's been in the works for so long now, that I'm starting to doubt it'll happen at all
CorndogBurglar
CorndogBurglar - 9/8/2022, 3:32 PM
@bkmeijer1 - Yeah, but they did release a first picture earlier in the year.

bkmeijer1
bkmeijer1 - 9/8/2022, 5:08 PM
@CorndogBurglar - oh man, that looks pretty fire. Totally missed that
amesjazz
amesjazz - 9/8/2022, 10:04 AM
Disney sucks.
supermanrex
supermanrex - 9/8/2022, 12:51 PM
@amesjazz - you suck
TheLobster
TheLobster - 9/8/2022, 1:14 PM
@supermanrex - nah Disney actually sucks and so do you if you’re standing up for that monopoly that’s putting out more garbage than quality content these days
marvel72
marvel72 - 9/8/2022, 2:51 PM
@amesjazz - It certainly does.
supermanrex
supermanrex - 9/8/2022, 4:43 PM
@TheLobster - troll talking points 101...slam disney...blanket say everything is garbage...claim their a monopoly....super edgy troll status obtained.....
TheUnworthyThor
TheUnworthyThor - 9/8/2022, 10:04 AM
I liked it. I thought it was charming.
Typhoon20
Typhoon20 - 9/8/2022, 11:16 AM
@TheUnworthyThor - Of course you did lol
IronMan616
IronMan616 - 9/8/2022, 10:09 AM
Looked like garbage from the first trailer. Disney is nothing but a souless corporate machine.

I'll wait for the Guillermo Del Toro version.
EZBeast
EZBeast - 9/8/2022, 10:36 AM
@IronMan616 - I didn’t expect much from the trailer but I’m absolutely sold on his version after watching!
bkmeijer1
bkmeijer1 - 9/8/2022, 10:13 AM
A lazy Disney remake? Guess nothing new under the sun. Rather stick to animation.

If they want to remake animated movies though, I think taking lesser known ones like Treasure Planet, Atlantis, Anastasia or Black Cauldron might work better.

And on the topic of Gepetto, I still want a live-action adaptation of Fables.
TheWalkingCuban
TheWalkingCuban - 9/8/2022, 10:14 AM
I love the originals that they use live action remakes are based on. I still occasionally say BR BR, HMM like when Honest John was pretending to be a doctor listening to Pinocch’s heart, yeah I said Pinocch! Wanna fight about it?!
Forthas
Forthas - 9/8/2022, 10:15 AM
How much did Warner Brothers pay critics to trash this film?


Deklipz
Deklipz - 9/8/2022, 11:47 AM
@Forthas - Other than the assumptions made about the reasons for the questionable decision making what’s presented here is pretty factual. Integral characters and plot lines are just dropped. Sequences are obviously finished with middling/bad FX work mixed into obviously finished Fx work. Characters including Pinocchio look vastly different in the polish on their CGI from some scenes to others. I love the original but this isn’t even a complete remake story wise. It cuts out large portions of the original and just glosses over things that should be significant. Some of it is perfect, but the overall package is an incoherent mess that’s hard to watch.
Forthas
Forthas - 9/8/2022, 12:02 PM
@Deklipz - It is hard to believe that it is this bad. I have not seen it but it seems like one of those films where you would just connect the dots and you would have an instant classic...and from Robert Zemeckis of all directors.
Deklipz
Deklipz - 9/8/2022, 2:26 PM
@Forthas - I would argue that outside of the cast(ing director who was on point) who did the best jobs they could, everyone dropped the ball.
MyCoolYoung
MyCoolYoung - 9/8/2022, 10:21 AM
I watched pocahontas the other day with my daughter, and let me tell you, it wasn't that good lol Even "the colors of the wind" were different than I remembered.

I wonder how many of these older animated movies just plain ole wasn't that good to being with, and people are holding on to nostalgia of a simpler time?
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