So I show up at a friend's house unannounced. He and his wife are happy to see me nonetheless. Upon being invited in, my friend makes me a sandwich as his lovely wife pours some tea. He even offers me a bottle of ale he got from a local brewery to try. In this more than comfortable setting we chat and catch up for roughly 40 minutes. Suddenly their home phone rings and the mood changes. My friend asks what I'm still doing here while his wife questions why I haven't finished eating. I must appear as puzzled as I feel because they let me finish my beer while they pace aimlessly. The last drop exits the bottle and on cue they ask what I'm still doing here. Leave! Get out! Before I can grow more bewildered their front door slams behind me. That's what it was like watching Fantastic Four.
Things start off grand for the latest attempt at a Fantastic Four film. Sure it's not the Jack Kirby-esk style I'm still searching for with machines of science that go on for days with a Del Toro-style Mole Man and creepy monsters erupting through city streets while Galactus looms large and motionless, but no one asked me anyway. The tone, although not what I would prefer, wasn't a bad one. You could taste the idea of science and exploration up on-screen and the cast (Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell, and Toby Kebbell) felt good in the portrayals of their characters. The unwanted bestowing of their powers and abilities struck with a creepy, grounded, and real feel. Then it happened. The film told me it was "One year later" and the movie, like my friend with beer and sandwich who was happy to see me, couldn't get me out the door fast enough. By the time Fantastic Four ended, I half expected there to be no end credits just a projector switched to off and theater lights abruptly on to near-blinding with a Fox executive holding a sign asking me to "Get the F@#K Out." I was reminded of the scene from Batman Begins when Bruce Wayne pretends he's had too much to drink, insulting his party guests as he kicks them out in order to save them from the wrath of Ra's al Ghul and his henchmen. "It's not a joke. Please leave. The party's over. Get out."
The debate will go on as to whose shoulders this movie and the dreadful response to it should fall on -- its director Josh Trank, the writers, or the studio executives. More than likely, all of the above are to blame. The cast appeared solid along with an initial vision for the project. Somewhere along the line, perhaps slowly like a hiker in the woods, the latest film incarnation of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby's Fantastic Four lost its way and became a bad film. A strange bad film at that. Not flat-out as bad and awful as say Catwoman, Daredevil, Elektra, Green Lantern, or Ghost Rider, but still not good. A film that seemed to change its mind halfway through about who and what it was and what it was here to accomplish. It became its other personality that was unsure of itself and just wanted to be alone in the theater. Fantastic Four (2015) is the friend who happily invited us in then anxiously didn't let us finish our sandwich. We choked down what we could and spit out the rest as we were ushered out just glad that we didn't leave our phone on the table. Speaking of which, has anyone seen my wallet with the free large popcorn coupon?
The Guy in the Hat