Hollywood Churning Trash

Hollywood Churning Trash

If you couldn't tell from the title, this article's going to be a rant on the current state of Hollywood filmmaking and the annoying trend of forcefully trying to make franchises out of films that should not have been made from the get-go. This list is not for the faint of heart.

Editorial Opinion
By thejon93rd - Apr 05, 2015 06:04 PM EST
Filed Under: Terminator
Avengers: Age of Ultron, Taken 3, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Ted 2, Insidious: Chapter 3, Sinister 2, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon 2 (seriously), The Transporter Refuelled (minus Jason Statham), Paranormal Activity 5, Alvin and the Chipmunks 4, and that f#@$ing list drags on-and-on-and-on-and-bloody-on with even more pointless remakes and sequels. As you may have noticed, I started with Avengers: Age of Ultron. Why? Well, to put it bluntly, I expect that this film will divide audiences in a similar fashion as to how Man of Steel divided audiences. Judging by the trailers, the film looks like a colossal mess, juggling dozens of characters, action sequences, story beats, whatever, into a package that is guaranteed to feel overblown and tired.

Reading the reactions to the recent trailers reminds me of the early reactions to Spider-Man 3: "Oh, this film's gonna be so awesome", "Anybody who isn't looking forward to this film deserves to get shot", "Avengers are the best, DC drools", and so f#@$ing on and so forth. To put it bluntly, I expect Age of Ultron to be a massive letdown of Phantom Menace sized proportions. Don't believe me? Then why the hell has Joss Whedon chosen to not return to the final instalments in the trilogy/whatever-the-hell this franchise has become (a clusterf#@$)? Age of Ultron gives off the sense like it'll be an absolute mess of Michael Bay "style"-doings, with too many characters, too much confusion (unless you're a big comic-book movie fan, then you'll just defend the hell out of it because it's "cool") and forced humour being shoved down your throat every half-minute ("We're fighting an army of robots... and I have a bow and arrow", "You are all not worthy", "Actually he's the boss, I just pay for everything...", "That just slipped", "It's all in the swing", "Let's go get in a fight", "Boom", plug in some other random cliche here).

Maybe I'm picking on The Avengers too much, so let's finally look at the reason why I started this rage-filled article in the first-place: Terminator Genisys. Oh boy, where to start with this one. Well to put it (again) very bluntly, this film looks like utter sludge. Terminator Genisys (which is a surefire shoe-in for worst film title EVER) is yet another quick, shameless attempt at a cash-grab from the brain-deads over in Hollywoodland to churn out some generic nonsense (ala the recent Star Trek films, involving time-travel, reboots, $#!& scripts, you name it) to pour in some dirty revenue. Unfortunately for them this film has generated little-to-no positive buzz ever since its initial inception and anybody who supports this garbage is gonna be left in the dust by the end of it because this looks to be another horrendous sequel/prequel/whatever that happens to co-star the "brilliant" Jai Courtney (who was just "amazing" in that last Die Hard sequel, I really can't wait to see how wooden/"excellent" he is in Suicide Squad).

But then we got Mad Max: Fury Road... this film looks incredible, but I have my reservations. Watching all of the trailers so far have given me flashbacks to Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and Punisher: War Zone, that's not good and the announcement of an R-rating somehow doesn't remedy that notion (though it does soothe it quite a bit, I literally smiled and cheered when I saw that it was going to be R-rated; plus it has the Batman v. Superman trailer attached to it, so I can't wait to catch that in theatres). But, while I do have some reservations, at least Fury Road feels like it's from the heart, rather than from an studio looking to wear a franchise into the gutter. Even with my reservations in-check, Mad Max: Fury Road is still one of my most anticipated movies of 2015 (far above Age of Ultron at least, which looks to be a mediocre freak show alike that overrated dreck known as Iron Man 2).

Despite my worries, I do hope that these films, Age of Ultron and Genisys, can turn out to be genuine surprises for my (and everybody elses collective) crocodile brain. Still, despite my hopes for the best, I'm always reminded that this is Hollywood I'm talking about, and they clearly only care about one thing (not money of course, just loads and loads of money as opposed to just some ordinary cash). Who can blame them? They find a formula, they wear it into the ground and I think that the time is arriving soon. While Age of Ultron, for instance, may look like a fun summer romp, in reality it will probably turn out to be an overwrought dumpster of ideas and plots that lead into (you guessed it) MORE SEQUELS! Sequels, sequels, sequels: it seems to be the only thing on the minds of filmmakers these days and, quite frankly, it's becoming pathetic. Keep it simple, stupid, and stop throwing sequel-bait into your movie scripts! Got it?!
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thejon93rd
thejon93rd - 4/5/2015, 8:36 PM
I am mad, bro.
the
the - 4/5/2015, 8:58 PM
At first I was like.

So...good on ya.

You damn near just pulled this.

Well, I too have reservations on the aforementioned films you described through your frustrations.
MarkyMarkRises
MarkyMarkRises - 4/5/2015, 9:02 PM
A summer popcorn flick is a summer popcorn flick. If people love it, they love it. If people hate it, they hate it. Movies have always been cheap cashgrabs, studios are a business just like any other. Don't let the director's passion or actor's passion fool you; a movie is just a product. I'm not saying a movie can't bring you joy/happiness/love or that is can't be made with love, but don't think for one second that studios are obligated to make movies to your standards of "originality" and "intelligence." No idea is original.

My advice, get over it.
MarkyMarkRises
MarkyMarkRises - 4/5/2015, 9:10 PM
@VisionaryNPA

I believe he's saying "quality over quantity." While an opinion on the quality of movies is extremely subjective, I do happen to agree that the quality of a large portion of the MCU is mass produced and dry/hit-and-miss. But like I said, it all comes down to what people want out of movies. And no one has the authority to tell anyone what qualifies a good or bad movie.
MarkyMarkRises
MarkyMarkRises - 4/5/2015, 9:11 PM
@VisionaryNPA

thank you haha
thejon93rd
thejon93rd - 4/5/2015, 9:12 PM


The above video is the trite that made me want to rage and write this incoherent article out. While it may read a bit incoherent, even to me, I think that there's some truth buried within as well. Terminator Genisys literally looks like it's going to be the most god-awful film of all-time (or at least for this year). Every trailer released so far, the people say "Oh, it looks okay" as their most positive reaction. Give me a f'n break. This film looks like trash and, if I were James Cameron, I'd be especially embarrassed by everything shown thus far. "Oh, but it's got great visual effects", that's a given for basically any film nowadays (just look at the Transformers films, while the effects may be hard to compute at 99.9% of the time, you can't help but respect the artists who spend hours/days making these scenes look great, only to be $#!% all over by god-awful filmmakers such as Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich and every other Hollywood/Jerry Bruckheimer-branded hack).
thejon93rd
thejon93rd - 4/5/2015, 9:18 PM
Here's the comment (written in the "Arnold Schwarzenegger Makes His Feelings About TERMINATOR SALVATION Clear: "It Sucked"" article that was recently released) that got my blood boiling and made me fire out this monstrosity in a thunderous hurry:

The Terminator: Classic. T2: Judgement Day: Classic. T3: Rise of the Machines: Fun action movie, pales in comparison to the previous instalments. Terminator Salvation: Another fun action movie but, like T3, it lacked the heart and soul of the original two. Terminator Genisys (contender for the worst f'n movie title of all-time): Looks like trash, and I'm 100% certain that it'll be the worst of the franchise (and it definitely looks like it would have made for a better video game adaptation than an ill-conceived movie trilogy).

The fact that Arnold says that Salvation "sucked" and yet hasn't seen this final version of the film yet is quite hilarious, I imagine years from now he'll be saying, after this film bombs of course, that this film "sucked... harder". Everyone seems on autopilot for this film and this looks like it's going to be one of the worst movie sequels/prequels/whatever-the-f#@$-it-is of all-time. If you couldn't already tell, I'm not looking forward to seeing how this film pans out (and I certainly hope that it flops big time so that we can finally put this worn out franchise to rest and maybe make some great games out of it instead of some more lame-brained films).

At least Salvation didn't mess with the original timelines, this film looks like a f'n parody. The trailers have been trash, the actors attitudes during this mediocre interview feel manufactured and there has not been a f'n shred of positive press buzzing around this film from now up till its inception. This feels like yet another Hollywood sequel that should have been scrapped from the get-go. Count me out of supporting this heartless cash-grab. This is trash. F#@$ this film.
MarkyMarkRises
MarkyMarkRises - 4/5/2015, 9:24 PM
@VisionaryNPA

I totally get it. Same thing with me and the Star Wars franchise. Only 2 of those 6 movies (Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back), in my opinion, were solid films. 2 others were okay/good (Jedi and Revenge of the Sith), and the other 2 were just bad (Attack of the Clones and Phantom Menace). While I'm willing to admit a lot of those movies aren't that special as movies, they have a charm that gets to me. Even phase 1 of the MCU does something similar for me, reminds me of better times.
LehnsienZad
LehnsienZad - 4/5/2015, 9:29 PM
lol but War Zone and and Spirt of Vengeance looked like utter shit right from the get-go.

AOU looks awesome, Fury Road looks wicked, they are just movies, the corporates at Hollywood bank on people watching their movies. WE, yes YOU AND I make or break the bank for these films. if they look like shit, don't watch it, if the majority feels the same way, they'll do the same.

my advice? get a Hollywood execs number, call it, hang up shut up and eat your [frick]ing vegetables SUBHUMAN FAGFUK

this should be about not supporting shitty films like Transporter 4 or Jurassic Park dick or Paranormal Activity 43 etc.
kong
kong - 4/5/2015, 9:34 PM
"my advice? get a Hollywood execs number, call it, hang up shut up and eat your [frick]ing vegetables SUBHUMAN FAGFUK"
thejon93rd
thejon93rd - 4/5/2015, 9:42 PM
@VisionaryNPA - Funny enough, I actually really like the Fast & Furious franchise. It's stupid, sure, but the films continuously seem to get better-and-better (Fast Five is still my favourite though, I thought 6 was pretty overrated and it's one of my least favourite of the series, along with Tokyo Drift and 2 Fast). I'm excited to see Furious 7 at some point next week because there's a genuine camaraderie amongst the cast that feels real and authentic. Meanwhile I look at the latest Avengers trailers and they just feel oft-putting to me, it feels as if the magic from the first Avengers film has faded and the actors are just phoning it in and saying "Oh well, it's just a superhero movie. Got another one to do after this. Another million dollar check, here I come".

To put it simply: I don't care about the Avengers because there's a disconnect with this upcoming instalment. It feels like they're trying too hard to be too many things, all without taking risks. This very much feels like Iron Man 2 all over again to me as it's that annoying piece of an elaborate puzzle that is only there to make sense of the rest that is to come. That's it. Plus the film has a very dry, ugly look this time around, at first I thought it was the CGI, but I think it's just the colour-palette in general. The film has this oft-putting blue/brown tinge driven throughout the recent trailers that make me long for the overall joy and spectacle of Guardians of the Galaxy (hell, even the first Avengers film).
TheOverlord
TheOverlord - 4/5/2015, 9:54 PM
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU.
TucksFrom2015
TucksFrom2015 - 4/5/2015, 9:56 PM
@theJon93rd
TucksFrom2015
TucksFrom2015 - 4/5/2015, 10:12 PM
and did you know one of the most successful sequels of all time
also had that dry, sepia-toned tinge instead of bright, primary colors?



"The model I'm always trying to build from, or my guiding star, is The Godfather: Part II where a ton has happened in-between and it's a very different movie [from Part I], but you don't need any information. It's there in the film about what's happened since, what's different, and why is this a different film; why is it a different kind of structure, and why is it darker. It's all there, you're in the vernacular of the first movie and you're just ready to pick up in this new place, and hopefully that's what will happen with my movie. Obviously I'm talking about one of the greatest films ever made (The Godfather: Part II)... I hope mine will be good, but that is my guiding star." -Joss Whedon
thejon93rd
thejon93rd - 4/5/2015, 10:19 PM
@LexHairFight - What in the flying f#@$ are you talking about?! Opinions?! Everybody has them, you genius! Go defend your Trashformers films and continue to ignore films that actually deserve attention (such as Snowpiercer and Enemy)! "People vote with their money"?! You're so full of $#!%! No they f#@$ing don't! Blockbusters make money because they're marketed to the masses for MASS CONSUMPTION! Ads, merchandising, whatever, these huge blockbusters have millions of dollars in marketing revenue and people cannot help it if something stands out to them that may appeal to them, so they watch the film and suddenly find themselves disappointed with the final product. The fact that they bought a f#@$ing ticket does not mean that audiences universally love the film! Got it?!
thejon93rd
thejon93rd - 4/5/2015, 10:31 PM
@TucksGenisys - Lovely username by the way. But, back to business, just because he relates his film to Godfather doesn't mean it's going to be at that same level. That film earned its sepia-tone because it felt reminiscent of the times in which the film took place. With Age of Ultron though? This feels like Transformers with non-offensive "humour" in the place of Bay's ignorant racial stereotypes, sexism, product placements, whatever. I don't hate Joss Whedon, I think he's a fine filmmaker and Firefly is a terrific series (I also like the fact that he doesn't dive right in and say that his film IS the Godfather: Part II of this franchise), but I've heard one too many directors say "Our film is structured after this film and feels nice and familiar so I hope that all demographics can enjoy it". It might as well be technobabble he's spewing because, to me, that quote doesn't mean jack$#!% (and Jack left town). If there's anything to take away from me arguing here, it's to look at these big-budget Hollywood vehicles with more of an eagle-eyed approach so that you don't walk out disappointed if it doesn't deliver on what you hoped. We'll see, I can't read the future and tell you outright that the film will be bad, I don't know, I'm only judging by what I've seen and I think that people are blowing this film up to become something that it isn't.
Oxbow
Oxbow - 4/5/2015, 10:43 PM
good premise but I think you're blaming the wrong people, bro. The filmmakers don't want to keep churning out mindless sequels; it's the studios that need to have everything be a recognizable franchise! They're scared of spending hundreds of millions of $ on a big action movie that is not guaranteed to make that $ back. It's been going on for a good while too; according to their research, people are more likely to see a movie with characters they recognize...they don't trust their own judgments and so just go with a known entity, instead of betting on creative but ultimately riskier original properties.

hopefully places like netflix and amazon will pick up the slack and/or the price of fx goes down enough that some of these more unknown properties have a better chance of making their money back.
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