"I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange"
- Special Agent Dale Cooper, Twin Peaks
Genius writer and director, David Lynch, is behind some of the greatest films and television shows ever. This includes cult classics such as Blue Velvet, Mulholland Drive, and of course Twin Peaks. I have been rewatching some of his greatest work and I thought to myself "Wouldn't it be rad and cool if Lynch directed a comic book movie one day?" Yes, I know that is very unlikely to occur since Lynch has apprently retired from directing films, he is busy with Twin Peaks: The Return and knowing his style, it seems unlikely he would be interested, but it's still a cool thought to ponder about if you think about it.
Imagine if Lynch had directed a Batman movie. For the sake of this editorial, this movie would have taken after Batman Returns in 1995 and would have been a light reboot similar to how Batman Forever was one with a mostly new cast and all. The tone would have been dark but with some quirky and comedic moments; a good balance if you would. There would also have been mystery and supernatual elements. But Lynch would have had complete creative control. Anyway...here is what could have been in short:
A couple years have passed since the events of Batman Returns and Bruce Wayne is experiencing strange dreams that could be telling the future of certain events and even some clues to crimes committed (He dreams of a circus, a man with two different faces, a giant, a dwarf, and a young woman dressed up as a Bat; do keep in mind these strange and mysterious dreams are somewhat disturbing and have a eerie vibe since Lynch is the master of symbolism). He is going through an inner crisis of sorts and is unable to explain why to himself. This Bruce Wayne is more eccentric than Keaton's Bruce Wayne, and this new one is more of a detective. He adopts an orphan teenage boy named Dick Grayson after rescuing him from certain death. A series of unfortunate events lead to the team-up of Two-Face and The Riddler. There is also the appearance of Harley Quinn (minor role) who wants revenge against Batman for the death of The Joker. The Riddler is a serial killer and leaves clues behind at the scenes of his crimes; he is also experimenting with mind control and trying to find other dimensions for his own disturbing reasons. Two-Face just has a personal vendetta against Batman; they have a troubled past.
These villains prove to be too much for Batman (who is continuing to have strange dreams and going through personal problems) both physically and mentally. Dick Grayson suddenly discovers the Batcave and decides he wants to help Bruce fight crime. Bruce relunctantly allows him. Batman also gets the help of an already established and mysterious hero, Batgirl. The trio is able to defeat both Two-Face and The Riddler, while Harley Quinn escapes mysteriously. All seems well until the last scene of the film. Bruce is dreaming again and awakens after hearing some noise by his bed. He sees the Joker at the foot of his bed. The Joker is disturbingly laughing at Bruce and is holding a murdered Dick (Grayson) in his hands. Suddenly Bruce awakens and sees that it was just a horrible nightmare. Or was it? "How's Richard?"
Yeah...that's the plot. As you can see there's more of a mysterious take on the Caped Crusader. And there's more of a focus on him solving crimes. I decided not to give Bruce a love interest since his character doesn't want to hurt anyone else emotionally and I thought it would create an interesting dynamic. As dark as the film seems, there would have been some quirky and comedic moments. The tone is mostly dark and mysterious. It does end on a bit of a cliffhanger. Would there have been a sequel? Who knows...
Anyway here's a quick look at how the cast would have looked:
Kyle MacLachlan - Bruce Wayne/Batman
Dana Ashbrook - Richard "Dick" Grayson/Robin
Lara Flynn Boyle - Barbara Gordon/Batgirl
David Bowie - The Riddler
Miguel Ferrer - Two-Face
Dan O' Herlihy - Alfred Pennsworth
Sheryl Lee - Harley Quinn
David Lynch - Commissoner Gordon
Kenneth Welsh - The Joker (recast)
That's it for now. Who knows. Maybe David Lynch directed a Batman movie sometime in an alternate universe or dimension. Never know. Just thought it would be cool to do this editorial. First of an editorial series? Tune in next time! I'll finish things off with a funny gif.
