Welcome to another dividing episode of the Harvey Two-Face Show! This is the show where split personality meets late night talk shows as our host(s) debate the latest news in the world of Batman comics, movies, etc.
And now, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrre's Harvey (and Two-Face)!
HARVEY: Thank you! You are all TWO kind.
(Applause dies down)
HARVEY: Welcome to the show, we're Harvey Dent.
TWO-FACE: And we're Two-Face.
HARVEY: Now, on last week's show, we debated the merits of the so-called Nolanverse, the world of Batman that has been created for the feature films of director Christopher Nolan--
TWO-FACE: The greatest filmmaker in history, if we do say so ourselves.
HARVEY: Now, Two-Face, that seems to be a complete 180 from our stance on last week's show.
TWO-FACE: (points to himself) You mean our stance.
HARVEY: That's what I said.
TWO-FACE: No, you said our stance (points to Harvey).
HARVEY: I, you, we, whatever. But why the sudden change in opinion?
TWO-FACE: What can we say, Harvey? The coin wants what the coin wants. Regardless, we're glad we can spend some time heaping praise on the films, especially Bat-films, of Sir Christopher Nolan.
HARVEY: Uh, we don't think he's been knighted.
TWO-FACE: Well, not yet, anyway. But he has been Dark Knighted! Of course, making the greatest comic book film...no, wait, the greatest film of all time will ensure his knighthood and future lordship.
HARVEY: Well, it was a good film, but the greatest? Really?
TWO-FACE: Don't turn into a heretic, Harvey. It's unbecoming. THE DARK KNIGHT is the greatest film ever. Anyone who doesn't think so should be dropped from the Sears Tower.
HARVEY: It's called the Willis Tower now, Two-Face.
TWO-FACE: It sure looks like the Sears Tower to us. In fact, our sworn enemy perched right on top of it in the greatest film ever.
HARVEY: This is the same film that we end up dead in, right?
TWO-FACE: A teensy oversight.
HARVEY: Now, of course, we can't deny the strong response to Christopher Nolan's Bat-films. But--
TWO-FACE: That's Lord Christopher Nolan, Harvey. Show the proper respect.
HARVEY: Nevertheless, his Bat-films aren't perfect, as we discussed in last week's episode. And in the time since, we've thought of some other flaws in the Nolanverse.
TWO-FACE: The Nolanverse is not flawed. It is perfect.
HARVEY: Okay, what about the fact that he basically kills both Ra's al Ghul and his decoy in BATMAN BEGINS?
TWO-FACE: That's preposterous. The Nolanverse is the word of God.
HARVEY: Two-Face, we know as well as we do that the Batman does not kill. Yet he started the fire at the League of Shadows compound that ultimately killed the decoy Ra's. And he chose to "not kill, but not save" the real Ra's from the train at the end of the film. That doesn't sound like the Batman we know.
TWO-FACE: Objection, your honor! Argumentative. We move it be stricken from the record!
HARVEY: Okay, let's not forget that he killed us at the end of THE DARK KNIGHT, as we mentioned before. And, he did it just to save that little brat James Gordon, Jr. As we've seen in recent issues of "Detective Comics", we would have been better off if we had just killed the little bastard.
TWO-FACE: That dialogue is tinged with hatred and violence, Harvey. Are we feeling okay?
HARVEY: Don't change the subject.
TWO-FACE: In any decent run court of law, your questions would not be allowed. We'll say it again, the Nolanverse is flawless.
HARVEY: Not everyone thinks so and they have perfectly good reasons to feel that way.
TWO-FACE: Lawbreakers!
HARVEY: Okay, well, surely we can agree that our arch-nemesis is known for coming out at night, correct?
TWO-FACE: Of course.
HARVEY: Then what's with all of these pictures from the set of THE DARK KNIGHT RISES? We have Batman battling Bane in broad daylight. Doesn't this concern us? Batman only comes out at night. He's called the Dark Knight, for Pete's sake!
TWO-FACE: Do we detect a hint of skepticism? Do not question the will of Holy Emperor Christopher Nolan!
HARVEY: It's Batman fighting crime in broad daylight, Two-Face. We can end this argument with ten words: "Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!"
TWO-FACE: Sorry, didn't hear that. The $1.5 billion worldwide gross of the Nolanverse was clogging my ears.
HARVEY: (sighs) That's all the time we have for today. See you next time.
(Applause)