I was excited at the prospect of the robots in disguise being brought to the big screen in live-action form. I was a bit surprised by how they designed the robots. Ultimately, after seeing all three of these movies, I realized that at best, they were good (save for film #2), and they were entertaining--but not great, thanks to what many perceive as Michael Bay's "nothin' but explosions" type of film-making. Truth of the matter is, my one and only gripe with the Transformers films was this: THEY WEREN'T ROBOT-CENTRIC. The Marvel comics, the Dreamwave comics, Beast Wars/Machines and the IDW comics for the most part have mostly been robot-centric tales, with the human elements at a small amount so as to not overwhelm the story. This is one thing I felt lacking in Bay's efforts--so I began thinking to myself, "how could they have done better?" Thus, I give you:
Here's how my version of the series differs from the actual releases:
-All the movies would directed by the one who should have instead of Bay, only to end up just producing--Steven Spielberg.
-The robots would be the main focus, with the human interaction kept to a good minimum (let's say, 70%/30%).
-Bigger names would voice most of the robots.
-Some characters have been put in or switched around.
-The faces (save for Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Bumblebee and some others) would not be too strange-looking.
-None of what made the Bay films shlocky would be present (the T&A, Devastator's wrecking balls, the peeing chihuahua, the "pheromones" gag).
-Better acting by Megan Fox (I SWEAR!)--I'd send her to England for some theater training.
*I did decide to keep most of the Bay designs, but some are in need (facial and even head-wise) of a better look.
And now, the reason anybody looks at my fancasts--my ideal voice cast for the Autobots and Decepticons (some of the Bay film picks have been retained):
We begin with my revised take on the first film, Transformers (2007). Here, the film would instead begin on Cybertron, right before the Allspark Cube is shot into space and finish with the mass exodus from the planet. We see both sides adapt to hide on Earth, where the Cube had ended up on. We see the Autobots make contact with mechanic Ron "Sparkplug" Witwicky, his son Sam "Spike" Witwicky and his girlfriend Mikaela. (This takes a bit of influence from the Marvel run and the prequel comics from IDW.)
Autobots
Peter Cullen as the voice of Optimus Prime
I do have to hand it to Michael Bay when it came to bringing in the original voice of Optimus for the first film--great idea! So this one's a keeper.
Jason Statham as the voice of Ironhide
Since they sought to give Ironhide a British accent, I thought Statham would be a great voice for the now-weapons expert version of the character (Jess Harnell did a good imitation, if he was indeed...). This pick was also inspired by the rumors of him being in film #4.
Victor Williams as the voice of Jazz
Yeah, that's right, I picked Kevin James' best bud on The King of Queens. But I thought he had the right voice for the cool cat of the Autobots (no offense to Darius McCrary). In my take, Jazz isn't *spoiler* killed--Megatron just rips his leg off.
Robert Foxworth as the voice of Ratchet
I kept Foxworth because he had, in my view, the best voice Ratchet could have in a live-action film.
Malin Akerman as the voice of Arcee
I feel Akerman would have a good voice for Arcee, and be able to play a good femme fatale of a motorcycle. Arcee was originally supposed to be in the first film, but she was dropped when fans wanted Ironhide. I just thought--heck with it, why not have both!
Michael Angarano as the voice of Bumblebee
I didn't like how Bumblebee couldn't talk in the films, so in this version, he can speak, and once again, he's the Autobot espionage agent. He meets Sam and Mikaela similarly to how he met Buster Witwicky in the first and second issues of the Marvel comic. I thought Angarano had the right voice for the 'young guy' scout of the Autobots. (I plan on using Angarano for my forthcoming Firestorm animated fancast.)
Nolan North as the voice of Longarm
I added Longarm because he is my favorite movie universe character (even though only the tow truck he's based on appeared in the movie). I thought he would have something of a New Jersey accent, so I picked the versatile North to voice him. (For this, I was inspired by Matt Dillon's guest appearance on The Simpsons.) Here, Longarm is Ratchet's assistant. When the Autobots decide to stay on Earth, Longarm becomes Sparkplug Witwicky's tow truck (just as Bumblebee becomes Spike's car).
Decepticons
Hugo Weaving as the voice of Megatron
I thought Weaving was an excellent pick for the voice of Megatron, so he stays. Megatron, in this take, was after the Cube so he could use its energies to reformat the entirety of Cybertron into a mobile war machine (based on the G1 Marvel Megatron's motivations).
Charlie Adler as the voice of Starscream
Adler's Starscream should've gotten more lines in the movies, so here in my take, he's got plenty of them! And there would be instances of treachery by him in the film.
Vinnie Jones as the voice of Brawl
Brawl barely got any lines in the first film, so here his pipes would be voiced by Jones, who has a lot of tough guys on his acting resume.
Keith David as the voice of Barricade
Rumor was he was originally going to voice him in the first film, but turns out it was for the videogame based on it. I feel David would have been a SCARY Barricade on-screen. Here, Barricade would be the 'Con's interrogator.
Ving Rhames as the voice of Blackout
Rhames has a really low and booming voice, perfect for a big and bulky flier like Blackout. Here, Blackout would be the Decepticon's bombardier and close-quarters combat specialist.
Andy Serkis as the voice of Scorponok
Serkis would voice Scorponok (here the 'Con's desert warfare expert) with a bit of a Peter Lorre-ish impression. I just think that would be kind of neat for the character.
Mark Ryan as the voice of Bonecrusher
I felt Ryan (who I met at Wizard World Chicago 2010, real nice guy, no offense to him) was miscast as the voice of Bumblebee--too deep--and thought Bonecrusher (here the 'Con's first strike specialist) would be a better role for him.
Jess Harnell as the voice of Frenzy
Harnell (who in the actual TF releases voices Ironhide and Barricade) has a great Impossible Man voice that, coupled with some roboticizing, would make a great voice for the zany and dangerous Frenzy.
Now we move on to the sequel, 2009's "Transformers: Dark of the Moon". Here is the film that had the most problems, in my book (especially Wheelie's behavior, the design and personalities of the "twins", Devastator's 'undercarriage', and Jetfire's portrayal). So, with that, my take is pretty much the same plot, but with a few minor differences (such as NO WHEELIE!). So, the Autobots, with the Witwickys and Mikaela vouching for them, meet up with the US military and form a joint task force to hunt down any Decepticons in hiding.
Autobots introduced
Rosario Dawson as the voice of Chromia
I think Dawson and Akerman would be a neat duo for this film--and that means I've taken out the third motorcycle, Elita-1. Here, Chromia is a fellow intel agent like her 'sister' Arcee. She's also the 'girlfriend' of fellow Autobot Sideswipe. Speaking of whom...
Jensen Ackles as the voice of Sideswipe
I feel that Ackles would make a great Autobot, and also felt this would be the right Autobot. For some reason, it just seems his style. Sideswipe, in this picture, is one of the new additions to the Autobot team, and has a bit of a friendly rivalry with Bumblebee.
Alphonso McCauley as the voice of Jolt
Jolt, in this take, is the Autobots' electronic warfare and comm-specialist, who intercepts Decepticon transmissions in order to pinpoint their locations. I think McCauley, whose role as a hacker on "Breaking In", would've fit Jolt like a glove.
Jim Parsons as the voice of Skids
Before I go any further, about the black dot on his head--I hated Skids and Mudflap's faces as much as I abhorred their personalities and each having one big fist. So I set about rethinking how they'd work in the movie. For Skids's case, I thought his G1 version's primary function (theoretician) was a great one, since it can allow him to come up with decent plans and strategies while taking outside factors into account. As for why Jim Parsons doing his voice? Sheldon Cooper pretty much does the same thing with physics.
Phil LaMarr as the voice of Mudflap
Same as above for Skids. For the retooled Mudflap, he's Skids's bodyguard, making sure the daydreaming theoretician stays out of trouble. LaMarr was picked for his work on Transformers: Animated (as the voice of Jazz). I imagine a voice similar to John Stewart on Justice League/Unlimited.
Michael York as the voice of Jetfire
York is a very good and versatile actor, and I thought he would bring some dignity to the movie version of Jetfire. Here, instead of being a crotchety old former Decepticon, Jetfire would be a former Autobot historian who reveals an earlier Transformer expedition to Earth, to recover another Autobot artifact (the Matrix) that was hidden there to avoid falling into Decepticon hands. Jetfire hid himself over the years as different forms of aircraft to safeguard it.
Decepticons introduced
Tony Todd as the voice of the Fallen
Todd was a great Fallen in the actual release, so I stuck with him for this revised take. The Fallen, in my version, has also hidden himself on Earth in a bid to find and use the Matrix to turn himself into a god above all beings with its power.
Frank Welker as the voice of Soundwave
Getting Welker to reprise Soundwave was another good call by Bay, but in this take, the way Welker voices Soundwave would be more similar to the G1 cartoon (whereas the movie had him sound like Darkseid in "The Super Powers Team: Galactic Guardians"). Soundwave would be a mobile satellite in this film, and get his car mode in the next one. But he'd fly like a fighter jet--he barely got any action in the real "Revenge of the Fallen".
Robert Englund as the voice of Scalpel
Scalpel would act as the Decepticon 'mad doctor' who helps revive Megatron. To voice someone that scary, why not turn to the former Freddy Krueger himself?
Mark Ryan as the voice of Axer
Axer is based on the 1990 Action Master of the same name, and is a repaint of the Revenge of the Fallen toyline's take on the Animated character Lockdown (which I own). Since Animated was still on during this time, I thought using Lockdown would be confusing to some people, so I went with another Decepticon bounty hunter. Ryan proved adept at voices for the TF films, so he's back again for this character.
Brad Garrett as the voice of Hailstorm
Garrett has TF experience, voicing Trypticon during season three of the original Transformers cartoon. I thought Haistorm, with his missile launcher vehicle mode and intimidating robot mode, would be a good replacement for Brawl in this film.
Kevin Michael Richardson as the voice of Devastator
Richardson is a very, very versatile VA, and his booming deep voice would be perfect for this titan of terror. He'd also voice the Constructicons, each with a different voice--but with one line each (the exception to my "every robot gets lines" creed).
Finally, we come to the third film, "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" (2011). This one I thought was a vast improvement over "Revenge of the Fallen" (No twins! Yay!), but of course it still had its problems (Still have Wheelie?? WHY???). I really liked the twist on a few characters, but still wish a lot got the lines they deserved. The plot for this revision is similar to the main release, only with Soundwave establishing ties with a crimelord named Victor Drath (here an alias used by Patrick Dempsey's character, and a homage to a character from the G1 cartoon). Also, no Carly played by Rosie Huntington-Whitely for this one.
Autobots introduced
Leonard Nimoy as the voice of Sentinel Prime
I thought the third film had a great twist on the Sentinel Prime mythos, and that it was a stroke of genius to have Leonard Nimoy (Galvatron in the 1986 Transformers film) to play him. He stays!
Jay Hernandez as the voice of Mirage
Not called Dino in this film, Mirage is the Autobots' tracker and infiltrator, and retains his G1 self's semi-snobbish demeanor. I went with Hernandez as he could give the bot a cool, smooth, almost Zorro-like feel.
Simon Pegg as the voice of Wheeljack
While I liked Wheeljack's car mode, the head was not up to my tastes. I'm a huge fan of G1 Wheeljack, and for my take, his head would slightly resemble the G1 version (based on the IDW portrayal in the Revenge of the Fallen prequel). Here, he's still the resident "mad scientist" of the Autobots, and he doesn't get killed. I picked Pegg as I knew he had the right acting talent for this 'Bot.
Ray Stevenson as the voice of Leadfoot
I thought Stevenson didn't need to be the Punisher, I liked his Volstagg enough, and I await to see his take on GI Joe's Firefly, but I picked him for Leadfoot because I could see him portraying a blacksmith-type in a medieval film--that's the archetype I got out of how Leadfoot was portrayed in Dark of the Moon. So yeah, in my take he's like an English blacksmith.
Matthew Lillard as the voice of Roadbuster
I picked Lillard as I think he could easily pull off a decent Southern accent. Roadbuster would be similar to a NASCAR mechanic in personality and character.
Michael Jai White as the voice of Topspin
White would be doing a Jamaican accent for Topspin, which I think he could pull off. Topspin would be the Autobots' hand-to-hand combat expert.
Decepticons introduced
David Warner as the voice of Shockwave
In G1 and Animated, Shockwave's voice was Corey Burton doing an impression of David Warner. When rumors of who would play Shockwave in Dark of the Moon were popping up, both Burton and Warner himself were mentioned as candidates, which later proved to not be the case. I think Warner would've been a great Shockwave, based on his portrayals of Ra's Al Ghul and other calculating villains. In this take, Shockwave would be third-in-command of the Decepticons, and would be the one who made the deal with Sentinel Prime instead of Megatron doing so. His cold, calculating, logic-focused personality would be present as always.
Terry Crews as the voice of Crankcase
I picked Crews for his voice and role in The Expendables--both a good fit for this nasty, Predator-like 'Con.
Kevin Durand as the voice of Crowbar
I could picture Kevin giving Crowbar a really thuggish disposition, based on how he played the (pre-obese) Blob in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
Mark Ryan as the voice of Hatchet
There's no further need to explain, if you've been paying attention this far.
John DiMaggio as the voice of Sideways and Laserbeak
DiMaggio is another versatile VA, and of course he voiced Sideways in the ROTF video game and Leadfoot in Dark of the Moon. I moved Sideways from ROTF to this film because I think he could be better served here. I have DiMaggio as Laserbeak as well out of inspiration for when he voiced Hellgrammite on Batman: The Brave and the Bold.
And those are my recast robots for the Transformers films! Thanks for viewing, and now, ladies and gentlemen, Stan Bush: