Here it is.
Cable and Deadpool
(the movie begins with a shot of a girl tied up in a chair. A man enters through a door. He takes off the tape from her mouth.)
Girl: Why are you doing this to me?
Man: Why? Ha. Why not do it? You bitches are put on earth for men’s enjoyment. And those who don’t pleasure us, will be forced to whether they like it or not. Hahaha! (He puts the tape back over her mouth. The girl is crying through the muffled tape. The man proceeds to punch her. The shot turns to the outside of the house. The lights upstairs are turned on. People are patrolling around the house. The shot cuts to a man in a couple of bushes. The man is Cable. A beep is heard. Cable takes out his walkie talkie.)
Cable: Agent Cable. I have visual on the house. Over. … Yes sir, the governor’s daughter is inside. Over. …Yes sir. Permission to use lethal force? Over...Yes sir. Understood sir. Over and out. (Cable puts away his walkie talkie. The shot cuts to a man chewing gum standing by a basketball hoop. Cable comes at him quickly and slams his head into the basketball hoop. The shot turns to another guard who suddenly turns in the direction of the basketball hoop. He comes over to the unconscious guard.)
Guard: Hey, Dice, you alright? (Cable comes up behind him and slits his throat. The shot turns to inside the house. The man is walking out from the room and heads down the stairs. He turns to the left and walks off screen. From behind the wall to the right of the stairs we see Cable looking at him. Once the man is gone, Cable heads up the stairs quietly, gun pointed. He goes into the room. The shot turns to the girl. She is staring up blankly at the ceiling. Cable approaches her and checks her pulse. He sighs in sadness)
Cable: Damn it. (He heads downstairs. The man and a few others are eating dinner and talking. Suddenly the lights turn out.)
Men: The [frick]? (The lights flash on. A man is standing by the light switch. Cable is right next to him. Cable: (angrily stabs the man. The other men get up, but Cable kills them all with a barrage of uzi fire while shouting in anger. The shot then turns to Cable walking out to his truck. He is depressed. He gets a call on his walkie talkie)
Cable: Agent Cable. …Negative. (Sighs) Susanna was dead before I got to her. Over. …Yes sir. Over and out. (The shot cuts to Cable and another man sitting down in two chairs in a diner.)
Man: There was nothing you could have done, Cable.
Cable: (Shakes his head and sighs) I should have been deployed earlier.
Man: Hey, you can’t blame yourself for what happened to Susanna, Cable. None of us thought that Caesar was gonna kill her. But that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
Cable: I was charged for the mission. That means I am responsible. I wasted too much time and now an innocent girl is dead because of it.
Man: That’s not how it is, Nathan.
Cable: Then how is it, Frank? (The man does not respond) Saving her was my job. Making sure nothing happened to her was my job. And I failed.
Man: You’re the best soldier I’ve ever met. You can’t tell me you’re gonna let this eat you up inside are you? We all make mistakes, Nathan. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
Cable: (sighs. Gets up and leaves)
Man: Cable, where are you going? Nathan!
(Main Credits, playing to It’s a Small World After All)
(Cuts to a shot of a happy man in a shirt and his pajamas sitting on his couch watching television. This man is Deadpool)
Deadpool: (suddenly laughs hysterically) Oh Bea Arthur, you hilarious bitch! Hahaha! (Gets a call) Oh, phones ringing. (From another angle from behind the couch, looks at the camera to the audience and speaks like a teenage girl) Maybe it’s Kevin from down the street! OHHHH!! (Giggles then answers the phone) Hello?
Other end of line: Is this Deadpool?
Deadpool: Hang on I’ll go get him. (Gets up and walks offscreen) (From offscreen) Oh, wait. I live alone. (Goes back on screen and answers the phone) Deadpool’s residence. Deadpool speaking.
Other End of Line: We have need of your talents.
Deadpool: Oh, well its 5 bucks an hour, condoms are required, and no anal.
Other End of Line: No! I’m not looking for a blowjob-
Deadpool: Good cuz oral costs extra.
Other End of Line: I meant we have need of your mercenary talents.
Deadpool: Oh…sure you don’t wanna-
Other End of Line: No, I don’t wanna blowjob.
Deadpool: Ok.
(Cuts to a shot of a truck starting with “Baby” playing in the background. Suddenly, Deadpool gets out of the truck and storms toward the camera)
Deadpool: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Ok, we are not playing Justin Bieber music in my movie!
Cable: (Offscreen) What?!?
Deadpool: Sorry Cable, OUR movie. Having It’s a Small World After All playing during the opening credits I can take, but we are not having a 15 year old boy moaning like a little girl playing during my traveling montage! Who was the dumbass who put him in the soundtrack? (man walks onscreen, Deadpool slits his throat with his katana, and chops at the man who falls down offscreen for 14 seconds then walks away then comes back and chops again for 4 seconds) Now get some better music on. (System of a Down’s B.Y.O.B begins to play) Thank you that’s better!
(Music stops, shot cuts to two men across a table, Bob and Jack)
Jack: (Looks nervous) Bob, do you think this is a good idea?
Bob: What do you mean?
Jack: Bringing in two loose cannons like Cable and Deadpool?
Bob: Loose cannons? Cable and Deadpool are as professional as they get.
Jack: Oh professional?
Bob: Yes.
Jack: Well let’s just examine their interviews to see how professional they really are. (Takes out a folder) Ok let’s review Cable’s answers. Cable responded with “None of your business,” “Shut up,” and “Go [frick] yourself”. And Deadpool responded with “Your mom,” “Your mom,” and “That’s what she said.”
Bob: Ok, so maybe professional wasn’t the best word.
Jack: No shit.
So tell me what you think!
You know where to do it.