Greetings Loyal Krang Supporters!
Well, it's been two and a half weeks now since Americans got a true choice given to them in the upcoming election, and things are moving along well here at Krang's mobile campaign headquarters. First of all, the Technodrome is mobile again thanks to a generous donation from Krang's friends at OPEC. This, of course, brings us to the news this week that the Technodrome drove over a petting zoo. Yes, it was the Technodrome that ran over all those goats and chickens and baby seals, but, as it was stated earlier, Krang was not driving the Technodrome at the time, so the media should stop trying to blame Krang for the incident. Krang has already fired the driver, Baxter Stockman, and jettisoned him into Dimension X.
Krang would also like to address his standing in the polls, Many Krang supporters are becoming discouraged by polls showing Krang way behind his opponents. A good example is Rasmussen's poll that came out yesterday, showing Obama at 47%, Romney at 46% and Krang at -.14% (we are still trying to figure out how Krang has NEGATIVE votes). Krang is telling his constituents to ignore these poll numbers. There is a well known bias in the mainstream media against disembodied brains, so these numbers hardly reflect reality. Do not be discouraged and do not believe the liberal media! Krang will be our next president, as long as he is allowed to participate in the debates. Speaking of which, the Commission on Presidential Debates is still refusing to include Krang in the upcoming presidential debates. The first debate is scheduled for October 3rd, leaving us just a few days to get Krang included! If you want to see Krang go up against President Obama and Governor Romney, write the CPD and tell them you want Krang's message of hate and demagoguery to be heard!
Commission on Presidential Debates
1200 New Hampshire Avenue Northwest
Washington, DC 20036
The last piece of business Krang would like to address this week is the ongoing crisis in the Middle East. Despite President Obama's promises to calm tensions overseas, over the last three years things have only gotten worse. Only Krang has presented a real solution to the unrest overseas: Obliterate the entire Eastern Hemisphere, which, as you remember, is number four of Krang's campaign promises. Some have argued this plan is inhumane and that tons of great vacation spots will be lost, but not to worry, Krang promises to replace the Eastern Hemisphere with a water park known as Kranglantis. Sure, human beings will only allowed in the park as slaves to the Rock Soldiers and mutants who are on vacation, but we Americans have never been envious of our fellow man, and humans will be proud to operate rides, clean bathrooms and serve as human targets in Krang's "Whack-a-Human" carnival game. So, as anyone can see, Krang's solution is the only real solution.
That is all out of Krang 2012 this week, expect an announcement soon on Krang's VP pick, and don't forget to tell the CPD that Krang and YOU deserve to be heard!
From the desk of
Scumbug
Krang 2012 Campaign Manager