Well, I spent the day conjuring this one. As requested by WeaponX93 in the previous segment, this script follows good ol' Mr. Smith having a spot of lunch.
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Punisher strolls down a busy New York street, pulling an overcoat over his blood-stained shirt. A sign ahead reads, Shawarma Deli.
Punisher (Narrative): Well, if it's good enough for the Avengers.
He casually walks over, tucking a pistol into the back of his pants. He settles down at a table and a waitress takes his order. A neurotic looking nerd is mucking about on a laptop. Punisher shakes his head and digs in to his Shawarma. The nerd looks around. He fixes his eyes on Punisher.
Weasel: Holy sh--... You're the Puni--
Frank grabs his throat.
Punisher: Don't try to finish that sentence, kid, or I'll coat that shit you're eating with a special recipe sauce. I call it, O Negative Seasoning.
Weasel: Gosh, it's just, I uh... I'm a fan of yours I guess. Ever since I had that run with, uh, the Mouthy Merc.
Punisher: Are you trying to be funny? That crazy son of a bitch needs to die already.
Punisher releases Weasel.
Weasel: ... So... Y'like Magic?
Punisher: What?
Weasel: Oh, it's a card game. Me 'n' Wade played it all the time.
Weasel has a flashback. We see him and Deadpool in a warehouse surrounded by crates. They're using a crate as a table. Deadpool slams a card down.
Deadpool: I call upon my Sexy Blue Demon and use Shoryuken on you. Thus rendering you dead! I win!
Weasel: Wade, you can't just use any old card or attack. You have to tap land and make sure you can afford the mana cost of the card.
Deadpool: Jack, I didn't wanna play this card but you leave me no choice. Who here is a master assassin?
Weasel: You
Deadpool: Right! So, shut up 'n' play it my way!
The flashback ends.
Punisher: I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not the card game type, boy.
Weasel: Well sure you are! Anyone can get into a card game. Here I'll show you my dec--
Punisher: You try to show me anything, I'll [frick]ing kill you. Now, I was hoping for a peaceful lunch but instead I find you, the most pathetic excuse for a human I've ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on, and I'm startin' to lose faith in humanity. So please, let me eat this in peace.
There is a moments silence as Frank takes a few bites and Weasel looks bored.
Weasel: Hey, did you ever th--
Punisher: Right, that's it!
Punisher dives across the table and tackles Weasel to the ground.
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I'm not all that happy with this one. I'm not sure Weasel's the right character for the moment. Still, I think it has a chuckle or two in there. I'll probably edit it later with a new character. I hope you enjoyed this and if you haven't already, go read my first Funhouse, "Breakfast with Wolverine & Deadpool".
Along with the other ideas I presented last time, here are a few more I'm considering:
1. Poker night at the Baxter Building
2. Silver Surfer discovers Justin Bieber
3. Ultron has a glitch
4. MODOK plays Call of Duty
Please leave the suggestion of which one you'd like me to do next in the comments below. Seeya next time!
About The Author:
I overthink pretty much anything to do with the MCU, but hey, we're allowed to speculate on these sorts of things right?