G.I Joe or Gee, that blows!

G.I Joe or Gee, that blows!

I even went into this show knowing it was going to suck, thinking maybe it will boost the quality.

Review Opinion
By ecksmanfan - Aug 07, 2009 02:08 AM EST
Filed Under: G.I. Joe

Let me go back a few months to early February. During the Super Bowl, they showed the first trailer for this film and I turned to my family and said "This flick will com down to the writing. That will be the determining factor on the quality." Guess what...It was horrible. When I heard that Paramount was not going to show this film to critics, it threw up a major red flag. It typically means that the film is so bad, they don't want critics to be bashing it before it is released. Or in some instances, like horror films, they just know that there is a fan base to carry the film. Can you guess which category this falls under?

The entire film was just over done. From the CGI and SFX all the way to the music. It was just way too much for one film. The technology that was created and used in the storyline was so far fetched it was unbelievable. When compared to such films as "The Matrix" or even "Transformers," at least the technology was fitting for the storyline and more acceptable. Accelerator suits? Under water fortresses? Really? The CGI was terrible and cheap looking. When you are competing with films like "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" and "Terminator Salvation" and their respective CGI, you need to keep up and this film did not even come close.

The acting was terrible. I have seen better acting from a late-night zombie flick on the Sci-Fi channel. The script was no help. The very idea that the line "You and what army?" was used turns my stomach, especially when coming from a villain that should be in line with Megatron and dare I say Darth Vador; it's embarrassing.

The one saving grace were the martial arts fight sequences between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow and unfortunately, there was not enough time spent on those. It's a shame that Ray Park gets all the parts that have no lines, what so ever.

In short: Overdone, under acted, badly written and an embarrassment to Hasbro and to the very idea of the childhood hero to many young kids. Skip this one, both in the theater and on DVD.

SNAKE EYES Star Henry Golding Says Paramount Has Grand Plans For The G.I. JOE Franchise
Related:

SNAKE EYES Star Henry Golding Says Paramount Has "Grand Plans" For The G.I. JOE Franchise

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LEEE777
LEEE777 - 8/7/2009, 7:27 AM
Only thing that blows here is this ARTICLE lol!

PPL most that have seen GI JOE luv it!!!

HATE the haters!!! ; D
LEEE777
LEEE777 - 8/7/2009, 7:27 AM
Lol @ TEA!
animeex
animeex - 8/7/2009, 7:31 AM
I am still up in the air on going today... Not much else to do. I know that isn't a great attitude to go see it but... Thank you teabag, I am still laughing at that pic.

prototype87
prototype87 - 8/7/2009, 7:32 AM
yay! i get to show this picture again! :D

GI FORCE
superdog
superdog - 8/7/2009, 8:05 AM
bman@ ive been posting that picture for weeks now you thief!!!! at least give me credit :)

lee777@ teabag is right where are these positive reviews? that one guy that worked for paramount and gave it 5 out of 5? seriously? just accept it dude.

im going in 1 hour and 40 minutes. review to follow so look for it bitches!!!
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 8/7/2009, 8:13 AM
LEEE YOU HAVEN'T [frick]ING SEEN IT YET!..do you realize how silly you look posting that shit! You have just made up your mind that your going to love it, and you probably will because its your type of movie..but i don't know where your getting the idea that this movie is being well received!
superdog
superdog - 8/7/2009, 8:19 AM
ror@ i was also wondering why lee777 hasnt seen it yet. he has such a hard-on for it i thought he would be out at a midnight showing wearing his cobra commander mask. go figure
Scorpioxfactor
Scorpioxfactor - 8/7/2009, 8:37 AM
I will watch the GI joe bootleg out here in IRAQ for $2.00 So the film company won't see a cent. I knew it was going to suck from day 1. "Wyans?!" Come into my office!" "Yes?" "You're Fing FIRED!!"
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 8/7/2009, 8:45 AM
It actually wasn't and i can't believe im saying that! ROTF was far better. Aside from all the stupid crap, when that movie turned on the action it was genuinely exiting with amazing special effects...Joe wasn't.
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 8/7/2009, 8:59 AM
BmanHall please explain to me how in any way shape or form this was better than Wolverine?
souljaboy
souljaboy - 8/7/2009, 9:07 AM
Alright, here is a good review for the movie. I give it a 3.5-4 out of five. First you have to remember that this is a movie based on a toy that has been changed around multiple times. I think that the movie is just as good if not a little better then Wolverine and Transformers ROTF, the story line made sense a little of the cuff from the cartoon and the comics but it made sense. they had to get everyone involved (the viewers)so they switched a few things around but lets remember that we really don't know the whole back round of Cobra Commander and all of his helplings. I mean the nanobots tech makes sense in the aspect of the story and how he can make all these dumd dumds do what he wants. I mean what's his name above questions the suits and underwater fortress aaaa hello this is a freak'n G.I.Joe movie ever watch an episode or read a comic when you were a kid? the suits were used in other cartoons, didn't really think they were needed but they were there so I can live with them. The acting sure could of been better but i will say this much the girls in this movie delivered much more then I think meagon hot has in the tranformers movies or she will in jonah hex. The CGI was pretty decent what I didn't mind was that the bad CGI made me think I was watching a cartoon (not a bad thing). Constant action threw out and I thought that Sommer's casted Fraiser perfectly. wish they could of showed more Joe's but it would of been to much I think. Fight scene's were good at worst and awesome at times.
I apologize for this lengthy post but the movie should get it's praise when deserved instead of constant bashing. SEE it and judge for YOURSELF I'm sure you will enjoy it unless you have matured to the level where you can't remeber who silly it was when you were a kid play'n in the backyard wiith your Joe's using your mom's sewing string so the can slide down to the rescue with it's kung-fu grip. Well down sommers and my wife and I will hope for G.I. JOE VS COBRA!!!! O yea i will also say that I would like to see them more in there civilian cloths like the toys moe=re and they did some what try in this one but I think that they can get away with the toy look.

That's my opion and I'm stickn to it Peace
SirJediFrank
SirJediFrank - 8/7/2009, 9:07 AM
mmh i think i´ll wait 3 years from now until it is on open TV lol!!
dancingmonkey08
dancingmonkey08 - 8/7/2009, 9:41 AM
prototype87

Cool hey what time is Harry Potter and Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Land of the Ugly Truth and Ice Age In The Attic on in your cinema? Im personally going to see Aliens with a Hangover myself. Oh I wonder who is directing it...ahhhhh Michael Bay, I dont want a movie with humping drunk aliens! Oh they made Transformers 2 already, well then nevermind!

But seriously prototype, your cinema rocks, I hope they do these misprints more often. The possibilities are endless!

Oh and GI Joe looks terrible, but nevermind, Im still gonna sing the theme tune:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half-shell
Turtle power!

They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (We're really hip!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Turtle boys don't cut him no slack!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (He's a radical rat!)
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (That's a fact, Jack!)
Raphael is cool but crude (Gimme a break!)
Michaelangelo is a party dude (Party!)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half shell
Turtle power!

Oh wait, nevermind I love the TMNT better!
LEEE777
LEEE777 - 8/7/2009, 9:58 AM
TEABAG @ I loved SCOOBY DOO!!!

SCOOBY DOO TOO though wasn't that great lol.
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 8/7/2009, 10:02 AM
Cant wait for District 9. dancingmonkey08 , funny you should be singin that song! I watched the movie last night for the first time in years. Its really good! Aside from a few cringey moments it really stands up as a great TMNT movie. And if almost 20 years ago, an adaptation of a cartoon, about giant mutated ninja turtles can be made into a faithful, entertaining, FUN movie. I really see no reason for that cluster [frick] Sommers inflicted on us.

Leee, if you liked Scooby Doo youl love GIi Joe! But you will love anything put in front of you so its not really a stretch..oh yeah, sorry except Wankerine Borigins right?
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 8/7/2009, 10:12 AM
Thats not an argument. Your saying that because Wolverine didn't stick to the source as well as it could have that its a worse movie than Joe? Forget the source material! Im talking about the quality of the movie! And dont give me the target audience crap, they both had the same certificate and Joe was actually more violent than Wolverine! So there goes your kiddie defense. Summer action flick? Your right! Guess what, so was Star Trek! Next defense?

Wolverine should have been much better but it at least had a couple of great lead performances and some level of emotional involvement. It tried! Joe may have set out knowing it was a hokey, cheesy, juvenile, silly mess but Sommers can tell me to "check my brain at the door" all he wants, what i hear when ii am told that shit is

"this movie would be completely enjoyable if you were as stupid as we assumed you to be"...
Scorpioxfactor
Scorpioxfactor - 8/7/2009, 10:28 AM
Sighs.
ecksmanfan
ecksmanfan - 8/7/2009, 10:36 AM
@Souljaboy -- I need to defend myself here! It's based off a cartoon? I didn't want to see a GI Joe cartoon!!! I've seen enough of those as a kid! I didn't go into this film expecting to see "The Godfather" type acting, even still the acting was horrific...by evryone!!! Quaid seemd to be channelling John Wayne at times! Scarlett seemed like she was fighting to remember her lines. Marlon Wayans' lines were horribly delivered.

I couldn't wait for this film to be done. I'd watch ROTF ten times over before I saw this one again.

LEEE -- Please see the movie first before you defend it. I actually usually agrre with everything you post and suggest. It is not a great film.

Now bring on District 9.
SirJediFrank
SirJediFrank - 8/7/2009, 10:46 AM
BMan and Ror@ I am from that gruop that sees the Comic Source, and the ComicBookMovie, AS TWO SEPARATE THINGS.. if anybody takes his actual comic book to the theater and flips random pages as the movie goes on, i think it is A POINTLESS ACT.

Enjoy the movie. Critic it, yes, but as a movie, as a ComicBook movie alright, BUT DO NOT CRITIC IT AGAINST THE PRINTED SOURC, cause all you´ll get is bitter moments.

With that i don´t mean they shouldn´t follow or at least respect the source material (Deadpool-Baraka anyone against, say, the beautiful-plausible Mark I from Iron Man??), but we must be aware that the movies have to take some "adaptations" in order to be made.

(Spider Man 2 and TDK were awesome films, but with LOTS of liberties)
dancingmonkey08
dancingmonkey08 - 8/7/2009, 11:05 AM
@ Rorschach
Yea I do love the original TMNT movie and Im probably the only one on Earth who loves the two sequels too! lol I know, I have terrible movie taste haha. The animated one was quite good too especially the Raphael/Leonardo battle. Even though the bad guy/good guy/whatever was voiced by the awesome Patrick Stewart, he was a bit of a crap character. I hope the 2011 reboot will be good and closer to the original comics. I know they cant add blood and serious violence to it as unfortunately, kids will be the main audience for it but they could give it the same tone as the early seasons of the 2003 TMNT cartoon series which I really liked!

@ teabag
I think this is what Justin Hammer's origin is going to be in Iron Man 2, at an early age he started his criminal career in the Foot! So its that bloody Shredder's fault that Iron Man is going to have so much trouble! lol Now theres one hell of a crossover, the TMNT in armor helping out Iron Man. *Sigh* in my dreams

Uh-oh now that you have started singing cheesy 80's rap, now you have got me going!

Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO

I'm banned from this site for unleashing the iceman, arent I? lol
CorndogBurglar
CorndogBurglar - 8/7/2009, 11:24 AM
@ ecksmanfan

i'm pretty sure ray park gets silent parts, or parts with few lines because he's an awful actor. his career started as a stunt man. they didn't even use his voice when he played darth maul, they used some voice over guy. i think toad might be the only movie where he actually talked. (not positive) but damn, the guy can do martial arts! he was supposedly going to play danny rand in the iron fist movie, but who knows whats up with that now.

@ wards, i think you have it backwards, man. it looks like the people that loved the cartoon DON'T defend this movie.

prototype87
prototype87 - 8/7/2009, 11:32 AM
@dancingmonkey08@

actually this is the 2nd time i've seen this happen on tickets. i just don't remember what movie. the GI force just was too obvious. heh heh :)

ok guys here are my positive stuff opinion bout this movie.

*actors & actresses with good acting*
1.Rachel Nichols(Scarlet)...& that she's hot! ;)
2. Snake eyes & Storm Shadow
3.Sienna Miller (Ana / Baroness)...even though she didn't sound like the original.
4. Dennis Quaid (always a good actor)

*Flashback background idea*
i thought this idea for a g.i. joe movie is interesting.

*storyline*
i thought was ok. i just though it could have been better. sorry that's all i'll say..heh heh
superdog
superdog - 8/7/2009, 12:09 PM
Darth maul had one line. Anyone could have done that.

The movie blew. Just got out. Everything ror said is right except I actually thought Dennis quad was worse than Tatum. And that's hard to do.
CorndogBurglar
CorndogBurglar - 8/7/2009, 12:10 PM
@ teabag

thats funny! you're talking about the room mate that they hated, right? not his fat one thats in all his movies??

@ dellamorte, we get it man, you don't want to see gi joe. its one thing to voice your opinion, but man, everytime anyone says they're gonna see it, all of sudden they're "fools" or "sheep". they're just going to see a movie they want to see, just like you do every time you go to the movies. nothing more, nothing less.
SHHH
SHHH - 8/7/2009, 12:15 PM
these reviews mean NOTHING.
contrast
contrast - 8/7/2009, 12:20 PM
I know it's just a pipe dream, but reading these comments has refueled my wish that we will one day live in a world where everyone uses something that (at least vaguely) resembles a proper sentence structure when they type.
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