A Modest Proposal To Ban Predicting The Future Of Unreleased Superhero Films

A Modest Proposal To Ban Predicting The Future Of Unreleased Superhero Films

It has become abundantly clear that offering opinions about future film releases, even opinions based on historical evidence, is a blight on the community of comic book fans. In fact, even expressing opinions about current or past films must end. They are simply too destructive.

Editorial Opinion
By Nive - Sep 07, 2013 05:09 PM EST
Filed Under: Other

You see it every day. An editorial casting doubt on the success of the Justice League movie. Or proclaiming the new Superman/Batman movie will be the best superhero film yet. Even ones simply saying Marvel is better than DC. In these three situations and every one like them, what inevitably follows? Venomous responses, mean-spirited gifs, and a complete disengagement from constructive dialogue and healthy debate. And not just one or two... in some cases, nearly 500 messages of the same infantile behavior. And though I once engaged in such atrocious conduct, I now side with a small minority of people who are growing sick of it. It is high time that we put an end to the publication of these sorts of articles, lest the demons that whisper in our ears when we type comments online become the only voices we hear throughout our day. I shudder to imagine such a society. There is genuinely no way out of this mess except to personally commit to shutting down our prognostications, to stop expressing our preferences.

If only there were a similar group of people who are passionate about something they love and have no control over that CAN function in a civil matter when disagreements about present or future situations occur. Alas, there is none. The nearest parallel would be collegiate and professional athletics. That genre of entertainment pre-dates comic books, and sports fans grapple with our same inability to express conflicting opinions without it degrading into a verbal battle. For instance, two analysts disagreed about which pro football team would make the Super Bowl. Quickly, their shouting and desk pounding forced the program to cut to commercial. But this is nothing new. Each day you turn on ESPN, you can count on finding a debate that ends with something along the lines of one man questioning the other's masculinity because he thinks the Yankees will make the playoffs. Sadly, it is of no surprise to see a discussion where one person has faith in America's Team, while the other states that this is bound to be the Cowboys' worst year since Romo (whom the analyst suggested should "just shoot himself") took the helm as QB. It isn't just team sports, either. Last week on live TV, a golf guru suggested that Tiger Woods has a resume that keeps him in the conversation of "Best Golfer Ever" even if he doesn't win another Major. The other anchor said, "You're gay!" and walked off the set. But it surprised no one. Such behavior occurs in day to day conversations as well. In a sports bar the other night, one woman tried to start a discussion about the pennant race in the National League, and the other stared at her blankly and said "I didn't listen to a word you just said," before asking for her check and leaving. I was once at a friend's place and some of his buddies were over, and during half time one of the fellas suggested his alma mater would be better served with a new coach. One guy at the party uttered no words, just made a loud "Ugh" sound and ran out the back door.

It is cases like these and the innumerable others just like them in the sports world which serve as proof that no matter what we do, we comic book fans are at the mercy of our passions. Our enjoyment of these characters and the films they may or may not appear in has overshadowed our capacity for patience, reflection, analysis, and civilized dialogue. We should be willing to go to any lengths to immediately case and desist with ANY mention of our preferences, opinions, or predictions related to super-hero media. Even if you have to chop of every last one of your fingers, it will be worth it. You'll eventually get used to typing neutral responses to news-only posts with your tongue. I know I did.

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LEVITIKUZ
LEVITIKUZ - 9/7/2013, 6:01 PM
Lhornbk
Lhornbk - 9/7/2013, 7:11 PM
Well, there's about 90 seconds of my life that I'll never get back.
Nive
Nive - 9/7/2013, 7:18 PM
Interestingly, that was the exact same thing Bob Ryan said to John Saunders after the latter explained why he sees the conference switch for the Detroit Red Wings as a boon both financially and competitively. More evidence that sports nuts and fan boys had best stop expressing their opinions all together.
WYLEEJAY
WYLEEJAY - 9/7/2013, 7:33 PM
I thought this article was a joke. Apparently it isn't. Its not that hard to just skip the comments section if you don't want to hear what people have to say. Food for thought man. Ease up.
LEVITIKUZ
LEVITIKUZ - 9/7/2013, 7:34 PM
LETS JUST ALL [frick]ING GET ALONG, HOLD HANDS, AND SING ALL OVER THE [frick]ING WORLD!!!!!

Here's the thing about the Internet. Most people see it as a place to voice their opinion about people care. But really nobody cares what most of y'all think.
Tainted87
Tainted87 - 9/7/2013, 7:41 PM
After reading/watching the "best fight scenes" editorial, I now must speak like Bane for the duration of the night.

Sho, ssshaaaahhhhhhh..... you think pee-pull will stop venting they-arr frustraight-tions becaush itsh the shivil thing to dooo? sssssshaaaahhhhhh.... Yooo ahr a bit nigh-eeve, and although your harrt ish in the right playsh, ssshaaahhhhh.... it ish fut-aisle.
WYLEEJAY
WYLEEJAY - 9/7/2013, 7:45 PM
@Tainted. Lmao! I pictured Bane saying it the entire time I read what you said. Priceless.
GinjaNinja
GinjaNinja - 9/7/2013, 7:51 PM
wat?
NBAfanaddict
NBAfanaddict - 9/7/2013, 7:54 PM
Oh, a great line from Tainted 87. But what do the judges give it? Judge Kobe...

Kobe Reaction

And the winner of the internet today goes to.....Tainted87!!!
Tainted87
Tainted87 - 9/7/2013, 7:58 PM
Thank you, my friendsh, thank you.
WYLEEJAY
WYLEEJAY - 9/7/2013, 8:05 PM
Woohoo! You the Internet Champion!
superpower76
superpower76 - 9/7/2013, 9:40 PM
Don't be so easily offended.

That is all.

Nive
Nive - 9/8/2013, 6:50 AM
Okay, so did nobody figure out yet that this entire piece is satire and is NOT advocating for people to stop expressing opinions? All the examples about sports are ridiculous and untrue, and the article is trying to get people to see that differing opinions CAN be expressed in a healthy way if we exert a little self control...

Low Flying Plane

PS, Tainted, your comment was really funny. Good job at writing in Bane's voice.
Facade
Facade - 9/8/2013, 7:13 AM
Don't worry...just as quickly as the haters hate or the dick suckers suck, they'll flip in the end...it's driven by some pathetic need to say they were right.


NovaCorpsFan
NovaCorpsFan - 9/8/2013, 7:25 AM
Only read a little, got bored.
Tainted87
Tainted87 - 9/8/2013, 1:30 PM
fangz and Facade, why do you have to talk like that? It's not cool, it's not hip, it's not badass, it's just ugly and uncalled for.
Facade
Facade - 9/8/2013, 3:04 PM
@Tainted87...it was meant to illicit the uncool, unhip, weak, uncalled for ugliness that is "hating" and "stroking" that gets done...sorry, mission accomplished, than...eh.
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